
Some may rag on TLC for providing exclusively exploitative, generally somewhat sad, garbage “reality” entertainment while maintaining the name “The Learning Channel,” but you AT LEAST have to hand it to them for coming up with so many different iterations of the same stupid garbage. HOW DO THEY DO IT? From the network that brought you Toddlers and Tiaras, Sister Wives, Extreme Cougar Wives, Jon and 8 + Wife, Coupon Wives, Garbage Wives, and Tiny Wives, (I think all of those are correct?) comes this shiny new gem. From Deadline:
From the network that made reality stars out of pageant toddlers and their moms, comes a new series about moms who themselves compete in beauty contests. TLC, the home of hit Toddles & Tiaras, has greenlighted Pageant Wives (working title), a new unscripted backdoor pilot/special that goes inside the world of the highly competitive Mrs. Pageant circuit in Denver, Colorado. Pageant Wives revolves around five aspiring married pageant queens from the Denver area whose every waking moment is focused on primping and always looking competition ready as they devote their time, money, and family’s patien–
ENOUGH! We get it, they’re horrible and the TV show is about how horrible they are and how they, with the help of TLC and their husbands, are willing to exploit their own families in order to grab a little bit of the spotlight before their pageant beauty fades, even if it means forcing their children, who apparently would be in need of their attention in any case, under the hate-filled lens of America! A TLC SHOW, WE GET IT. But it raises an important question: What “wife” shows is TLC missing? Mob Wives is already on another channel, so you can’t say that. Dessert Wives? Blog Wives — wives who run a successful blog from their living room and the toll it takes on their family? Dog Wives? Wives who are dogs? (Or wives who are married to dogs?) Moon Wives, wives who live on the moon?! WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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Human Wives?
Haunted Wives
Hipster Wives
The Wives of the Polyphonic Spree
Bigfoot Wives
Deadliest Wives
Duck Wives
Ancient Wives
Midwife Wives
Funeral Wives
Old Wives’ Tails: about old women who cheat on their husbands.
Nine Wives
One Wife to Give
Bad Grammar Wifes
Grammer Wives. You know, since he’s been married a bunch of times.
Wives of Videogum
Bride Wives Wars
America’s Most Fabulous Worst Wives
A Chechen in Scottsdale: The Mail-Order Wives Story
When Wives Attack
Buddy Wives
Not again!!!!!
Steve Winwives
“She’s pretty”
Rizzoli & Wives
Wave Wives (concerning their obsessive dream of being chained to a rock in the middle of the ocean and sacrificed to Poseidon and the toll it takes on their families)
jim beam wife (me)
I’d watch Moon Wives, especially if they also were married to the moon.
I don’t want anyone associated with a TLC getting in the way of our gin-soaked feminist moon colony.
What if that was just the working title and it was about us and we had total creative control? It is an option we should explore to fund said colony.
Good call. You’re our business manager now.
Saturday Night Wives
Wait, Pageant Wives is a working title? TLC better hurry up and secure that!
Lycanthropic Wives
Gelatinous Wives
Beard Wives
Time-Travelin’ Wives
Richard Pryor Wives
(THAT GUY MARRIED 9 TIMES!!)
wait, twice to 2 wives… I’d watch this show.
Extreme Wives
Mumford & Sons & Wives
Wives With Knives (but only because Lifetime got there first)
Wife Wars
Fish Wives: Married To The Sea
Splice Wives
Wife Cops
Trampoline Wives
Stunt Wives
Gun Wives
The Etsyest Wife
World of Wifecraft?
Do Cats Have Nine Wives? (a docuseries exploring the burgeoning field of Cat Metaphysics, hosted by Elmer Fudd)
Taking Wives
Taken Wives, and Also Daughters, starring Liam Neeson
Twilight Wives
Will also focus on the husband, and how hard it is that his adult wife won’t stop talking about teenage vampires.
Wife Fight
Wifed Up
Wavves Wives
Give Me Back My Wives
How many husbands will claim that “being married to me is like winning a pageant”?