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A rare miss, Lost.

Don’t get me wrong, even Lost’s rare misses are major hits. Last night’s episode was great, na-doi. But I think we can all be adults and admit that Sawyer’s beard was inconsistent some of the answers to persistent questions in last night’s episode were overly convenient and/or disappointing. Like, the mystery behind the Others abducting Alex from Rousseau was just that Ben got nervous? And how would killing Rousseau have “protected” the island, as baby Widmore claimed? Something tells me that the island could handle a 26-year-old French woman living in a tent on the beach. And when we finally get a look inside the secret Smoke Monster Summoning Cave, it’s just a puddle of water with a drain in it and you say “I’ll be outside”? Not to mention the botched assassination attempt against Penny, which explains what we’ve all sort of suspected for weeks about how Ben broke his arm and his face, but at the same time doesn’t force us to completely turn against him, but then at the double-reverse-same-time is also kind of disappointing, not so much because I care whether Penny lives or dies (either way 4 me is fine), but because it turns the whole mystery into a red herring. Too many more false leads and the show is going to collapse.

And then there is what might be the worst scene in the entire series*:

Haha. The smoke monster writes its name on its jeans. The smoke monster wears all black and works at the Cinnabon. The smoke monster has written 65 songs, and they’re all about Joe. Joe lies when he cries.

Ghost Alex pushing Ben up against the wall and threatening to destroy him is pretty good. ELECTRA. But this Spooky Hallmark CGI Ghost Of Alexmas Past is ridiculous. Let’s just pretend it never happened.

The most interesting part of the episode, though, was how things are heating up between Team Ben and Team Widmore.

Team Ben seems like a pretty small team. He tried to snake Locke with Caesar, and then he killed Caesar, and then he was basically waiting for his chance to kill Locke again. He shot Desmond and he almost shot Penny, and his whole justification for this war seems to have started with Widmore leaving the island a few times? Some rules are made to be broken. So far all we have against Widmore is that he told Ben to kill Rousseau’s baby, and that he keeps trying to go back to the island after his banishment. Whatevers. AND YET, after the Smoke Monster Poetry Slam, the island has clearly chosen Ben to fight for Team Locke, which suggests that Team Widmore IS a losing team, despite a complete lack of evidence to support what is the matter with Team Widmore**.

In any case, the smoke monster is your boyfriend.

*Obviously, the worst scene in Lost is any scene in the worst episode of Lost, “Expose,” but let’s pretend that never even happened.

**The more we learn about Widmore’s ceaseless desire to go back to the Island, the more it throws his whole plot to get rid of Desmond by sending him to the Island into total confusion. Right? He hates Desmond so much that he sends him to the one place he wants to be? Questions!

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Comments (52)
  1. Yeah, I am not behind you on this one. Last night was GREAT.

    Also, we have no proof that Widmore knew where Desmond was headed when he sent him on the boat. Also, Alex made it pretty clear that the island would have no problem smacking Ben down should he do anything against Locke, so maybe it’s not time to join Team Ben just yet.

  2. Zachra  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    I’m also not behind you this time.

    Cure-listening Emo Cloud aside, I can’t get enough of Ben’s shenanigans. Last night really humanized the maniac for me. He has his limits and now he’s in the dark as to what is going to happen.

    I wonder how crazy-pants the new Losties will get with Lapidus, a character I probably like much more than I should. That dude is solid, and will probably factor in highly at the end of the series.

    Egyptians? Richard Alpert an Egyptian god, perhaps? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t age? Still plenty of ridiculous questions.

  3. Was it just me, or was it implied at one point that Alex was Whidmore’s illegitimate child (that then Ben raised as his own) and that’s why Whidmore wanted her and Rousseau dead? I thought that’s what the conversation was about when Whidmore was getting exiled and led to the submarine…

    Maybe I am just making up my own plots here.

  4. Adam  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    The only thing I can agree with is that I think the special effects guys made a huge error in depicting the inside of the smoke monster last night. When we last saw smokey’s power to reflect the past, it was with Eko, and it kicked ass, because each scene blended with the smoke and the lightning crackling as it stared him down. I expected a bit of continuity. There wasn’t any need for those little pieces of flashback to be so big, corny and in color.

    But other than that, the episode was pretty damn good.

  5. I thought “Expose” was a great episode! Nina and Pablo getting buried alive was FUNNY. Shannon’s wig was FUNNY. You probably just need to watch it again.
    The worst scene in Lost history is obviously when Locke killed the CGI polar bear with hairspray in a cave in Season 3.

    Also, last night was pretty bad, but since Kate was not in the episode I have to give it a perfect score. I’m not sure of the scoring system here, but it’s a 10. Or an “A.” Whatever.

  6. No no, the worst scene in Lost history is pretty much anything in the episode with Bai Ling.

    • moonvest  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

      Agreed. The Bai Ling episode was atrocious. At least the Expose had that cool scene with the plane crash from Nikki’s POV. Plus yes, burying people alive = funny.

    • For like, an unbelievable amount of time (read: until about a few weeks ago) I was all “who the fuck is Bai LIng and what has she done?” and then was catching up on old eps when she appeared in Thailand with Jack and laaaaaughed my fuckin ass off.

  7. fnoeufa  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    Gabe hates every episode of Lost. He hates Lost sooooo much.

  8. The Bai Ling epsiode was pretty bad. Expose was awesome! Any episode of anything that ends with people being mistakenly buried alive is GOOD TV.You are wrong!

    “We didn’t know you, and it looks like you killed each other for diamonds or something. Oh well.”

    Paraphrasing, of course.

  9. Gabe hates any episode of LOST where there isn’t much Sawyer, or in which they fuck up his beard. He loves that beard.

  10. What annoyed me about the episode was that nothing really surprising happened. Hey, guess what, we were right about the smoke monster. And that Ben’s face getting bashed in was because he tried to kill Penny. Where was the surprise? The intrigue? Was that supposed to be the smoke monster den?

    Next week looks amazing, though.

  11. Rousseau was already pregnant when she got to the island. Remember when Jin was alone in the flashing through time and he met up with her crew as they arrived?

    I just want to know what the hell happened to Faraday. He’s done disappeared.

  12. “So far all we have against Widmore is that he told Ben to kill Rousseau’s baby, and that he keeps trying to go back to the island after his banishment.”

    And let’s not forget the freighter sent to get Ben with the order to kill anyone on the island if they got in the way.

  13. While I enjoyed some of the tidbits of info we got I was also disappointed by how they turned this powerful un-named and uncontrollable creature into smoke that makes you feel sad. DUMB. However, It’s my understanding that the first time the smoke monster sees someone it reads their life to decide what form to take in order to speak to them about what they must do. I think the only reason Ben is still alive is to help Locke. Maybe the monster gave Ben a stay of execution until Locke is finished with him. In my opinion, Team Ben just turned into Team Locke.

    And the worst Lost episode is Jack in Thailand. I dare you to find an interesting or intentionally funny scene. I don’t know what they were smoking when they thought an episode about Jack’s tattoo would be great TV.

  14. Andrew  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    Last night’s episode was awesome.

    And Expose was an amazing episode.

    Come on, worst episode of Lost ever? Did you forget the one devoted exclusively to the origin of Jack’s tattoos?

  15. Last night’s episode of LOST = The best one of the season and definitely in the top 5 of the entire series.

    you’re wrong Gabe.

    • I’m pretty sure Gabe said the smoke monster SCENE was the worst SCENE ever, which was still better than SCENES in Expose. Not that it ws the worst episode.

      And come on. That scene was filled with cheese. And it smelled.

  16. Widmore wanted Rousseau dead because any outsider is a threat to the island. What didn’t convince me was the scene where he’s exiled. We need more explanation on how this feud between Ben and Widmore escalated.

    Now the island has chosen Locke as the leader and Ben must do anything to help him fulfill his destiny. In the “monster’s” eyes all of Ben’s atrocities have been in the island’s best interest. I guess that’s why he was forgiven.

    And yeah, Richard is totally an ancient egyptian whose purpose in this plot it to find the ultimate “believer” to carry on this island.

    So far this season, I’ve liked how they’ve been slowly tying, or at least saying something more, about some loose ends. Next week is the Miles puzzle, to be followed by the usual Sawyer/Jack/Kate episode and then a Faraday and Rose & Bernard episodes!

  17. Person L  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    Watching the smoke monster was like watching the ark being opened in Indiana Jones. Great scene.

  18. zach  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    Gabe, Widmore telling Ben to kill Rosseau was a power move on Widmore’s part. Widmore knew Ben was a threat to his power. If Ben didn’t go through with the kill, it would be make him look weak to everyone else. Ben did the same thing to Locke when he felt his power slipping away when he tried to make Locke kill his Dad in front of everyone.

    And not only was Ben’s botched assassination attempt worth it just to see Ben get the biggest beat down of his life from Desmond, but I also think it has something to do with the reason the monster spared Ben. As a child Ben’s life was spared. Then he spared Rossuau and the baby. Then he spared Penny’s life after seeing her kid. Therefore, these deeds were enough to save Ben a harsh judgement from the monster.

  19. Is it wrong that my first thought when Desmond got shot was: “OH NO! HE SHOT HIS GROCERIES!” and not fearing for Des’ safety? Regardless, that ass-whooping he gave Ben was pure satisfaction.

  20. I’m going to go along with the pack. I enjoyed the ep. The only unexpected thing was the sudden crazy of ole girl and her assault on Lapidus. He was meant to be one of the original castaways, so it will be interesting to see what the island has in store for him, since he’s missed most of the fun.

  21. Every time they actually call the smoke monster “monster” I die a little bit on the inside.

  22. I enjoyed the episode, but I agree with Gabe that some of the reveals/hairpieces were well below Lost standards.

  23. I am behind you on all counts. There is a huge difference between a “cool” episode and a “good” episode. Expose, with it’s alternate views on past footage, is clearly “cool”. But it was a waste of valuable secrecy/answer-questiony time. Blerg.

    And i was 100% with this one until Ol Smokey came out of the sewer and played old super 8s of Ben’s life. Awww remember when Alex hated my guts! *tear*!
    No…they REALLY dropped the ball on that one. Geeks the world over finally have a great, non-cheesy sci-fi/fantasy show on actual network TV, and this ‘big reveal’ scene smacked of an old Star Trek: Voyager repeat…
    Not that I’d know what such a thing looks like…

  24. In fact i enjoyed Smoke Monster scene !!!

  25. Why are we not talking about the “what lies in the shadow of the statue?” or whatever that line was? What the hell was that all about? Are those guys secret former Losties or Others or something? They clearly know some shit.

    I thought the whole Ben/Ceasar/Locke thing was interesting, because it showed that Ben knew all along that his endgame was to kill Ceasar to garner Locke’s trust or apologize or whatever. We rarely get to see all sides of Ben’s game and who he’s playing and how.

    • Yeah, I think the Ilana thing may have been the most interesting part of the episode. I’m hoping she’s the leader of a cult, personally. That would be tight. It’s time the show introduced some some legit psychopaths, especially now that Ben is becoming less of a traditional antagonist. Sacrifice some humans for me, Ilana!

  26. poobah  |   Posted on Apr 10th, 2009

    they never say that ben failed in killing penny… He just got thrown into the water with a bloody face. He”ll probably fly out of the water and karate kick that bitch straight in half! you know, cuz team ben obsv

  27. Gmarley  |   Posted on Apr 10th, 2009

    The smoke monster regulates who “should” and “shouldn’t be” where. Or more importantly WHEN. Just you wait.

  28. Cherry_Ghost  |   Posted on Apr 10th, 2009

    …am I the only one who couldn’t understand half of this post?

  29. Dan S  |   Posted on Apr 10th, 2009

    OK, while this was not the worst episode of Lost ever (Hi, Jack’s tattoo origin), it was probably the most disappointing. Its like that Simpsons episode where they visit the future and Lisa is President and Bart kind of crashes at the white house. There have been worse episodes of The Simpsons, but that ep fell smack in the middle of the awesomeness that was Season 11. “Dead is Dead” is Lost’s President Lisa. We have had an unbroken stream of satisfying episodes, some among the best in the series, and then we’re given this mess of confusion and shattered dreams.

    I was really hoping we would get some answers tonight. The whole “what are the rules of time travel” debate has gone on for months, now, and it was time to give us a fucking road map. (Sorry, Hurley and Miles’ spat was too shallow to count.) Instead, this episode raised like 80 more questions, all concerned with weird temple/monster/fate/sentient-island stuff, and NONE about how TF time travel works or is happening. I guess we’ll have to wait for the Faraday episode for this, which I am of course wiling to do.

    Finally, I have to disagree with Gabe that Expose is the worst episode. It’s certainly the least in character for Lost, but taken as a sort of throwback b-movie self-referential campfest for the fans, it’s pretty damn satisfying. Plus, any episode that does away with Nicki and Paulo for good at least has that much going for it. The worst episode is either Jack’s Tatoos or Locke in the Smokehut. I challenge anyone to defy that.

  30. Does anyone know why the first 8 eps of Season 5 are not on Hulu? I’m sure, duh, that it’s to keep us Lost but wtf. Will they post them later maybe after the season is wrapped?

  31. My guess: Ileana is working for Widmore. I think her “what lies in the shadow of the statue” question was a means of determining who’s on Team Widmore. The big crate her and Bram are trying to open? Filled with guns/weapons to fight the Others/Losties. I think her sole mission is to inform Widmore as to how to get back to the island. He hired her to find Sayid, and then track him. Widmore had to know that Sayid was working for Ben. Also, Widmore could’ve possibly been counting more on Sun to lead a “team” of people to kill Ben…but obviously Sun is now more concerned with finding Jin.

    Here’s a more important question: Why does Widmore want to go back so badly? What is it about the island that forces this power struggle (seemingly) throughout eternity? Why is Richard the only one who does not age?

    And correct me if I’m wrong, but this ep was the ONLY in which we see an island inhabitant riding a horse for transportation, correct?

  32. i think the vote is against gabe on this one. yes, cheesy smoke monster and cheesier hair piece. but we got some great info via the flashbacks, future intrigue via ileana and pure enjoyment watching locke cow ben. and exposé was, while a waste of time in terms of furthering the story, a great lark on the part of the writers: the fans wanted those two pukes buried and the writers complied.

  33. I’m totally on Team Ben. Team Ben/Team Locke. Widmore is boring and old. Over it!

  34. taea  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2009

    hey, that was a good episode. except for ben’s beat down. that weas sad. poor ben. i’ll bet you all he’ll be the good guy in the end!

  35. ehihgls  |   Posted on Apr 22nd, 2009

    what is this hair piece you guys are all talking about?

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