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Chuck Bass is getting Chuck Fatt! THAT’S ONE SECRET I’LL ALWAYS TELL. From MSNBC:

Chuck Bass may become even more off-putting in future episodes of “Gossip Girl” — and not just because of his slimy behavior. Actor Ed Westwick’s constant partying is starting to show on his waistline, In Touch Weekly reports.

“Ed has been gaining a lot of weight — not just around the waist, but throughout his whole body,” said an on-set source. “First, the costume department had to buy him new, bigger pants. Then, his shirts and jackets got way too snug. The costumers even requested that producers talk to Ed — they don’t want Chuck to be fat!”

Uh oh, fat idea jeans.

We’re gonna need a bigger pair of nantucket red chinos embroidered with whales.

On the one hand, it’s nice to see a popular actor getting the same invasive body-image critique that actresses have been dealing with for years. Riiiight? Isn’t it? I mean, if we’re not going to stop torturing women with impossible standards of physical beauty, we might as well make everyone miserable, am I right? So smart.

On the other hand, of course Chuck Bass is getting fat. All he does is laze around in silk robes making louche faces and alluding to sex with invisible stewardesses (nice try). Dude takes a limo to school. And those platters of bagels and danish and butter pastry (so much bagels and danish and butter pastry) Lilly keeps ordering for breakfast aren’t going to finish themselves. NOM NOM NOM, am I right? Dan Humphrey just got out his red pen and changed his story to “The Story of Charlie Fat Trout,” because of how Dan Humphrey’s the best writer. (Second best.)

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Comments (15)
  1. This halarious commentary only slightly makes up for the missing Gossip Girl recap from last week!

  2. i was hoping he’d shat himself from that DECEPTIVE title.

  3. He’s starting to look like Chuck Bassanine.

  4. The only thing attractive about Ed Westwick is his British accent. Chuck Bass, on the other hand, could weigh 200 lbs and still be oddly attractive just because he’s all “I’m Chuck Bass”

  5. Cocomo  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    Where is this week’s recap??!! Such preposterous Jenny behavoir to discuss!

  6. Between Chuck’s fat-ruined pants and Hugh Jackman’s pee-ruined pants… well, this has been a bad year for pants.

  7. I’m surprised living in New York hasn’t guilted him into losing weight like the rest of us.

  8. hurry up with the recap already! we don’t get another episode until the 20th! we at least need the latest recap to tide us over!

  9. i think we need a before/after pic.

  10. blah  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009

    I don’t see why they don’t write into the show. Picturing Chuck confiding to Blaire in some out of the way, dimly lit corridor that he’s loosening his braided belt to the first notch would bring some sorely needed attempt at humor to the show.

  11. I just got the mental picture of Chuck laying on some cushions, smoking out of a hookah pipe and weighing 300 pounds. Blair comes in and berates him for losing attractiveness and he just says “this…coming from someone who ruined my pants.”

    Thank god people already know I have the crazy at work, because I am still giggling over this.

  12. I just got the greatest mental image of Chuck Bass all bloated and covered in pastry crumbs…

  13. DEAL W/ IT GG, CHARLES BIGASS ISN’T GOING ANYWHERE. WE WANT ALL OF HIM, CROISSANTS AND NOM’S INCLUDED. AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW DHUMPH IS GOING TO GET SOME SRS BSNS LITERARY ANALYSES OUT OF BIGASS’ NEW LOVEHANDLES.

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