Photos
Whoa, remember these old friends?! Our pals! Back for the holidays! Just to put things in perspective, during the last presidential election, some people thought it mattered who these dumb dumbs were going to vote for. Can you even imagine? Just a few short years and talking about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt feels like your grandparents complaining about how much gum costs these days. “When I was your age, Heidi and Spencer were condemned as witches, and we liked it that way.” Honestly, I don’t know where these two have been and I do not care. We have Courtney Stodden now, thank you very much, and she’s better (worse) than you ever were. Congratulations on finding a friend or relative with a camera nice enough to pretend like there is a paparazzo in the world who even gives a shit, though. Here’s what I want to know: HOW DOES THAT TREE FEEL ABOUT HAVING TO GO HOME WITH THEM?!
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Loser will be nicknamed Speidi. (Image via BuzzFeed.)
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that tree is the only living thing in that picture.
Yeah, her hair looks super fake.
I wouldn’t mind being called Spidey.
Heidi may not be helping all that much with the tree, but she’s got to carry those ornaments around every day.
Needles and needless.
Evergreen and evergreed.
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there, do Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt still pose for a picture with it?
One time I heard a story about a woman that bought a Christmas tree that had a snake in it, and when she put on the ornaments it bit her face. The point of this story is “what could have been.”
should be “a woman WHO bought a christmas tree” not ” a woman THAT bought…” etc. You can’t dehumanize people with the impersonal “THAT” when the personal “WHO” applies. Step up your game, bro.
Until the singularity happens, the animatronic monsters that escaped from Disney’s California Adventure cannot be described as people.
Spencer and Heidi Montag are a couple THAT bought a Christmas tree the other day.
Happy?
Look at the grammar kaiser, everybody!
“These guys are assholes.” -Tree
Who?
I don’t have a caption for this because I don’t know who these people are. And yet, I’m kind of okay with that.
They’re a cautionary tale.
they may be carrying the pine tree, but we are the saps.
It’s beginning to look a lot like a photo op.
I thought this WAS Courtney and got all excited to see that nice girl Kate Schmidt comment. But, alas, it was so much worse.
Maybe this will bring her to the site??
Forgive me, world. Forgive me.
Can one walk in snow in high heels? Or is that why Santa’s carrying her? Is this kind of like how boyscouts help old ladies cross the road?
Heels can get decent traction, but i wouldn’t opt for a peep toe shoe.
I totally thought this was Courtney & Doug too. I was looking at Spencer’s bleh face and was trying to match it with Doug’s LOST character’s face and it wasn’t working. I kept getting the noise of an OPERATION buzzer in my head every time I tried to make sense of it all.
Then I finally realized it’s those The Hills assholes.
Jingle Dumbbells
“That’s the problem!” – Spencer (repeated call back joke on The Soup a million years ago)
“You got what you wanted, you maniacs, now let my wife go for the love of god!!!” – Photographer
Dear L.A. Monsters,
You are cordially invited to a special day-drinking gathering this Sunday, December 16, at 2PM, at Big Bar in Los Feliz (the bar that shares space/ownership/everything with Alcove). We will meet there and have a drink, and depending on mood may relocate to my home, where we may continue to drink and maybe order pizza. There will be at least five of us, and I will be on time with my basset hound, so no one is left wondering whether people from the Internet are actually imaginary.
Hope to see you all there!
I want to go!! Does anyone have a jet I could borrow (private please, I would like to take my dog)?
PS. I know this is not a caption, but wanted to post it to give people time to plan. I have nothing to say about the actual subject of this post.
Here you go, Steph. Merry Xmas
Man, my reply page is full of Xmas butts and blurred-out taco penises. Who needs an expensive musical coffin when a life well lived is it’s own reward.?
It should be “its own reward?” not “it’s own reward.?” Get on the trolley, egg.
Omg HUG.
At the very least, now we know for sure he was wearing cargo pants.
I will be there! Sometimes I wonder if I’m a ghost, but there’s a 90% chance I’m not imaginary.
That’s the day of my office Holiday party, but maybe I will be able to swing by beforehand? I would very much like to come!
Ghosts of Christmas past
All I want for Christmas is to forget who these people are again.
I have literally nothing to say about these two, so I just made them look like Christmas Superheroes instead.
they look more like christmas burglars.
They steal from the rich and give to themselves.
Spencer: You said you’d help me with the tree, hon.
Heidi: Okay. Fine. Just the tip.
I guess you could say those two were really “pining” for this photo-op!
…dear God why can’t I stop thinking in puns??
No matter where you are in the room, her boob is always staring at you.
Are those real?
“HOW DO MY BOOBS LOOK? DO THEY LOOK GOOD!?” – the only thought to cross Heidi Montag’s mind for the past six years.
do you guys think spencer has flesh-colored tree-flocking spray to match his gross flesh-colored beard?
TREE: The kids are finally out of the house, and real humans are such a mess to take care of. So I just said Enough! Let’s get Plastic People this year.