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“John Travolta — is there anything he can’t do?” you wonder to yourself after a screening of Be Cool, your favorite John T. movie if you had to choose, while throwing his Christmas album onto the record player. “I just love him so much. I bet there’s nothing he can’t do.” You stare wistfully at a photograph of him in his iconic role of Danny Zuko in the 1978 film Grease – “Well, that is, nothing within the realm of human possibility. I bet he couldn’t, like, fly or whatever, or heal car wreck victims just by placing his hands on them. I bet he couldn’t do either of those, but he can do anything else.” And that is why you are a shitty John Travolta fan who doesn’t even know anything about him at all. From E! Online:
The Savages star and Scientologist claimed he helped a car-crash survivor who was suffering from pain from a broken ankle, by using a Scientology procedure called “an assist,” according to Scientology publication Celebrity Magazine.
In the story, reported by Celebuzz, Travolta related the incident to the mag, saying, “I was in Shanghai recently at a work event and the Master of Ceremonies’ best friend had recently gotten into a car wreck. He had broken his ankle and was in constant pain. I asked him permission to do some Scientology assists and he said, ‘Okay, sure’.”
“People were standing around watching as I did them,” the Golden Globe winner continued in the article titled “John Travolta: Stayin’ Very Alive.” “You could actually see him confronting the pain and after a while he looked up at me and said, ‘I feel better,’ so I said ‘Okay, end of assist.’
Car Wreck Guy: My ankle hurts from the car wreck I was in.
John Travolta: Do I have permission to do some Scientology assists?
Car Wreck Guy: Uhh–
John Travolta: Ok, here I go!
Car Wreck Guy: I FEEL BETTER.
John Travolta: Okay, end of assist.
“Okay, end of assist.” Hahah. What a wonderful story. We are truly blessed to live in the time of such a talented healer. Your hero John Travolta is so much greater than you even knew!
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but can he make bones whole? because i can deal with pain but i’d like to walk again ASAP
can a monster who runs into travolta on a regular basis pass my inquiry on to him, thanks
He can make your bone whole, but only if you’re a masseuse.
May the internet gods be always in your favor.
The opening sentence from the Wikipedia entry for Scientology assists:
The Scientology Assist is a quack medicine procedure which is purported to alleviate “a present time [current] discomfort” or bring a person who has recently died back to life.
Is it guided meditation or something? Because helping someone focus on something other than the pain (ie, how creepy John Travolta is being) can be very effective for short-term pain relief. But to claim that it’s “healing,” as in solving the underlying problem that’s causing the pain? That’s when you’re selling (expensive) snake oil. Gross creeps.
dead back to life?!? holy crap!
Don’t they know that only Jesus is allowed to do that?
Jesus is in charge of zombie making and abandonment.
wow, i’m surprised they have such a bad rep when they can resurrect people
“a present time [current] discomfort” – amazing. I want to have non-present time discomforts instead please.
Stayin’ Very Alive — good title. I prefer Look Who’s Healing Now
I love the fact that this guy was apparently working and traveling with a broken ankle that doesn’t seem to have received any actual medical care? It’s actually really hard to tell if he was working or not. As far as I can tell, John Travolta was at a work event that had a master of ceremonies who had a best friend, and that’s as far as I was able to comprehend.
Is it weird that I was thinking of this guy the whole time I was reading this post?
He always was a good point guard:
My ankle generally feels better after a handjob, too.
true, but then my wrist feels worse
John Travolta: the John Stockton of Scientology
See, I always thought of him as the Malone to Cruise’s Stockton.
Mayday?
when you look at size, sure. but Karl Malone got most of the attention….and is/was totally fucking crazy. Travolta, however, is big on assists.
That’s true. I was just going in terms of size.
One thing’s for sure, they both like jazz.
and jiz
One thing JT can’t do: Have a massage without hitting on the male masseuse!
Scientologists call ibuprofin “assists”? Weirdos.
Wait, is the magazine called “Celebrity Magazine”?!?! Like, that’s the NAME of the Scientology magazine about celebrities (which, itself, is already a weird thing? if it didn’t have that weird title?!)?!
Cool magazine title, cool magazine.