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Yesterday, USA Today published a list of the robots that will be appearing in this summer’s Transformers 2: The Edge of Reason (via /Film, FilmDrunk). I’m not going to republish the entire list here because if you really care (which you don’t) you can do the research yourself, but it is hilarious. Here is a sample:
Arcee: A female Autobot – Megan Fox’s hot-pink motorcycle.
Jetfire: A fighter plane crash-landed on Earth a long time ago, and he will become a reformed Decepticon now fighting for the humans. His alternate form is the SR-71 Blackbird, a sleek Cold War spy plane. “He’s old, craggy, forgetful … doesn’t work very well. Can’t transform very well, because he’s very geriatric. They get stuck with him a lot,” [Michael] Bay says.
Sideswipe: A candy-apple red Lamborghini in the original, joins the cast this time as General Motor’s silver Corvette Stingray concept car.
Starscream: Formerly Megatron’s second in command, he escaped at the end of the first movie; F-22 Raptor jet.
The Fallen: An ancient robot, sort of the Transformers’ version of Lucifer.
Haha. “Sort of” the Transformer’s version of Lucifer. Sort of. Not exactly. You get the gist. And my favorite:
Soundwave: A cassette player in the original toys. An evil communications expert but this time in the form of an orbiting space satellite.
I’ll admit that a cassette player is not very exciting, but an orbiting space satellite doesn’t exactly raise the tiny hairs on the back of my neck either. ANYWAY, after the jump, I have a list of some of the robots that will NOT be appearing in Transformers 2, because I just made them up:
RollerSkream: A rollerskate that turns into a Lamborghini, also is a toaster oven and a reconnaissance expert.
Senor Beans 2.0: An Hispanic robot that looks like some kind of stereotypical Hispanic car, maybe a tricked-out Camry with lots of detailing and a rear window decal? Something you would see in the Puerto Rican day parade, basically.
Brian: a sensible, used sedan that gets good mileage and likes to think of itself as a reasonable sacrifice made in order to give humanity’s children a decent education.
Pepsitron: A can of Pepsi that transforms into a subtle advertisement for Pepsi.
Hitlerbot: Sort of like the Transformers Hitler.
To be fair, as stupid and/or racist as these are, we are talking about a Michael Bay movie about robots that turn into GM cars you can buy next fall, so, you know, who’s the idiot? OK, but besides me?
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I’m really looking forward to this movie, even more so now…. Thanks Gabe!!! Yes, I know I’m a loser.
Jokes on you! There won’t be any GM cars next fall!
In my lifetime I’ve had two transformer toys. One was the classic Optimus Prime. And the other was Soundwave, the tape cassette. I only mention this because, given the option i would play with Soundwave over Optimus every time for no discernable reason.
Yes, i think Soundwave may be the little transformer that SURPRISES US ALL.
SPOILER ALERT: The Fallen convinces a blind, crippled Autobot to drown himself in a pool of motor oil.
I’m so excited to be in the Gabe version of Transformers 2. I hope my fight to overcome rising higher education costs are victorious. Will somebody just think about the children?!?!?
wut abot da crazy robot babie monkey from too days ago?
MeganFoxsexysceneotron
What about the robot who’s a yellow M and advertises and little company of burgers?
How about Blazed-A-Tron. a tripped ‘64 impala owned by Snoop Dogg that just tranforms and then falls asleep on someone’s couch after smoking a bunch of pot.
also i recommend PC-tron. A PC that transform into an eight year old then says “I’m a PC and I’m 8″ for crappy windows commercials.
If this is true… man, that’s gonna tick off the robot Lucifer.
I just read that, and involuntarily thought to myself, “Oh no! They messed with Sideswipe!” Then I thought, “Oh no! I’m pathetic!” And then I lay down with my head in the oven, and killed myself. The End.
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