Step 1: Make chili cheese nachos.
Step 2: Consider some of the mistakes you have made, but not the mistakes that are too upsetting to consider.
Step 3: Sit in bath for awhile.
Step 4: Clean under sofa cushions.
Step 5: Pick up phone repeatedly to call her, each time put phone back down in a panic.
Step 6: Take off all of your clothes.
Step 7: Kill yourself.
Step 8: Serve hot. Feeds 3-6. (Via TheClearlyDope.)