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Step 1: Make chili cheese nachos.
Step 2: Consider some of the mistakes you have made, but not the mistakes that are too upsetting to consider.
Step 3: Sit in bath for awhile.
Step 4: Clean under sofa cushions.
Step 5: Pick up phone repeatedly to call her, each time put phone back down in a panic.
Step 6: Take off all of your clothes.
Step 7: Kill yourself.
Step 8: Serve hot. Feeds 3-6. (Via TheClearlyDope.)
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How to make chili cheese nachos:
1. Throw your nachos the fuck away.
2. Pour the chili and cheese into a bag of Fritos, instead.
3. Maybe add some sour cream and tomatoes, too. And more cheese, just to be sure.
4. Be happy forever.
cannibal!
“Cannibalism is worth it when you’re made of chili.”
-Me, and also the name of a song by Panic! At The Disco, probably.
5. Accompany by a pound of butter melted into a pound of ice cream and a pound of brown sugar with one teensy weensy shot of rum.
6. Wait to see if the diabetes gets you before the heart failure does.
I forgot to tell you! I’m adding cinnamon whiskey on top of that this year! Maybe buttershots, too.
That zoom at the end is what gets you
We were all preoccupied trying to keep our kids off the internet that we completely neglected our parents.
This may be the most profound thing I’ve ever read on the internet.
Whoa. He went waaaaaaaaay too fast for me.
That was a very poor nacho dip stirring technique.
They wouldn’t tolerate this shit at Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar.
“I’m Stephen Reed, and this was Weber Cooks.” Was not expecting that twist ending.
They cut out the end where a guy named Weber runs on the set and says, “Hey! That’s Nacho cheese!”
That set is pretty great. They clearly had a big budget.
Also, can the Drunk Kitchen girl and this guy make a video together?
gabe, do you need a buddy to buy you a bottle of whiskey, and drink said whiskey with you, and then maybe make terrible decisions late into the evening where things and people might get broken? i’m good at that.
whiskey buddies are the best buddies.
i’m thinking about registering myself as an LLC and making business cards. drinking buddy for hire! will make you drink girly shots and dance to rowdy country songs that play on the jukebo!. may or may not get in a bar fight, depending on your mood! good at shit talking, navel gazing, and waxing philosophically about how we’re all limping towards some awful terminus that may be apocalyptic, but probably will just be slow and twisting and sad.
omg. print me like, 500 please?
9. When you’re on the toilet losing it all later, play Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” to have some fun and sing along with your diarrhea!
Why doesn’t he microwave the chips?
Wait. He called us wildcats… We never said we went to the University of Arizona… HE’S GOT A CAMERA ON THE BUS!!!!
Stay above 50!
You’ll find a gold watch strapped to the microwave…
I’m sad.
I’m bored.
it works both ways
His career has really taken a hit since they canceled Wings.
I can’t see your picture! But I’m upvoting anyhow because I’m sure it’s good.
this is what I imagine when i wonder “if harvey pekar had a youtube channel….”
This is as close as the internet can get you to that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z9WzER-woc&feature=player_embedded#!
“What are these nachos made out of?” If you think the answer is cheese and chips and chili—you’d be right—but you’re sorely mistaken if you think it ends there.” – Tim Allen
I think in my rush to upvote you, I accidentally down voted you. I didn’t mean it. I will make you chili cheese nachos as a peace offering.
Chili cheese nachos = 3 upvotes
Sweet! Done and done.
Damn it, that just made me really very sad.
brace yourself for bad feelings!
http://www.bustedoffenders.com/utah/ogden/sex-offenders/steven-eugene-reed/5887
Oh no… I feel terrible, but I’ll upvote because what? Where did you find that?
We should make a new rule that any videos featuring creepy old men gets an automatic sex offender check.
I should have never showed my dad how to use YouTube.
I know the perfect woman for this man…
http://videogum.com/161761/microwave-cooking-for-one/webjunk/
Im afraid that will link to my facebook profile
Four and a half minutes to heat up some chili and cheese?!?! I didn’t make it to the end because I started getting so depressed, but that chili came out all calcified right?
That last zoom is like staring into the void.
If you thought that was amazing wait till you see him make Rice A Roni http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nGvKKzGrcBQ
Does this mean I can’t start my sentences with, “hello Wildcats” anymore?
That was the most incredibly depressing dog food commercial I’ve ever seen.
I like my elderly YouTube chefs a little more upbeat:
http://video.nbc.com/player/mezzanine/image.php?w=390&h=219&path=/nbc-hls/fc00de83039c20855c0ad483b5ba51a3_mezzn.jpg&trusted=yes
Yes that was depressing. But can we take a minute to talk about the fact that he totally RUINED that bag? No one’s coming over to eat those chips. They’re going to get so stale
The emphasis on the 3 to 6 people serving size is the video’s real clincher, makes me wonder if that was the size of the family he never got to have.