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Your Thanksgiving University of Alabama Crimson Tide tailgating party wouldn’t be complete without it. (Thanks for the tip, jagosaurus!)
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Quite honestly, I think that Alabama could just stop existing altogether, and I wouldn’t even mind.
I couldn’t listen to this song because of work, but judging by the video, it’s got basically all of my favorite things: College football, parking lots, playing flip cup at 8am, tossing a bottle of vodka over your shoulder, booty dancing at 8am, some sorta burned-ass meat (?), smoking more than one cigar at a time, big dudes dancing badly at 8am, little dudes dancing badly at 8am, choreographed group dancing badly at 8am, white suits, and Alabama.
What you missed from audio: He rhymes skanky tramps with bumping like champs. And I think he mentions Brian Dennehy?
?
Also, the vodka in questions was “holy water.” Oh, and he has a British accent.
This guy can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon, with nail polish. (He looks and even sounds kind of like John Goodman, guys.)
You have to respect a guy who is so uncompromising in his vision that when the biggest white suit he could find only came in a 50 inch waist, he screwed his courage to the sticking place and vowed to squeeze himself into those pants.
And squeezed he did. And squeezed he did.
“courage” of course being his name for his favorite spanx.
You don’t want to know what “the sticking place” is.
I have so much respect for this guy I think I’m just going to steer clear of Alabama entirely in order to respect his territory.
I wonder what his major was at alabama…music? You think music, probably, right?
I am so proud.
*weeps*
Also, there are lovely, reasonable people here in Alabama. Truly. I just want to state that for the record.
Otherwise, WTF Alabama? Winning pretty much ALL the races to the bottom isn’t actually winning anything.
*resumes weeping*
He’s pretty fat for a robot.