Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 by 37 Comments

Look, we could waste everyone’s time with some meaningless hot air ramble intended solely to take up extra space in the universe, or we could just point you to this and wish everyone a happy weekend. I’m proposing this as if there’s some kind of choice, but it has already been made. GOODNIGHT!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Mary Kate Olsen’s Romantic Kiss Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Gobblegirl | Nov 14th Score:44

He plays the Semester At Sea boat.
Posted in: Let’s Build A Movie: Romantic Comedy
#4 topknot | Nov 13th Score:48

Gabe writes new WMOAT posts just for her.
Posted in: What Else Does Michelle Obama Get That We Want?!
#3 Frank Lloyd Wrong | Nov 9th Score:52

We can only hope she seeks the help that eluded her poor brother Jason.
Posted in: Let’s Get This Lark Voorhies Train Wreck Out Of The Way Real Quick
#2 Dr. Feelgood | Nov 9th Score:55
Posted in: BREAKING NEWS STORY: Is Jon Hamm’s Longtime Girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt Making Him Wear Underwear?!
#1 Max Beerbong | Nov 9th Score:65

a Dong Draper
Posted in: BREAKING NEWS STORY: Is Jon Hamm’s Longtime Girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt Making Him Wear Underwear?!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: ]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1 little_otis | Nov 9th Score:-8
Is there something you like about Gabe’s twitter feed?
Posted in: Let’s Get This Lark Voorhies Train Wreck Out Of The Way Real Quick

[Ed. Note: BLOCKED.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Frank Lloyd Wrong | Nov 13th Score:44

That’s a French kiss? I’ve been doing it wrong for years.
Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Mary Kate Olsen’s Romantic Kiss!

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Frank Lloyd Wrong! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

  southernbitch | Nov 12th Score:27

i had a terrible misadventure with those “humane” glue traps! the mouse got so stuck on there that i had to drench it in olive oil and pry it off with a butter knife. and then the mouse was so covered in goo that when i tried to put it outside, it just picked up all this dirt and leaves and turned into a mini swamp monster. so i picked it back up and decided to try to give it a bath (because soap and water would at least get all the oil off of him)- but as soon as i put it in the bathtub, it just ran STRAIGHT INTO THE DRAIN OF THE TUB AND GOT STUCK. so there was just this whipping mouse tail coming out of the drain, and terrible squealing noises. a friend had to pull it out using needle nose pliers, which mangled the poor thing beyond repair. so. rather than just quickly snapping its neck with a mousetrap, i basically tortured that little guy for a good hour and forced him to live through “hostel: the mouse files”. :( i gave him a nice little burial in the woods though.
Posted in: HAUNTED TOASTER!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: ]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

  An American Patriot | Nov 13th Score:15

HEY, I’M still fucking HERE, buddy.
Posted in: The Word Of The Year Is “GIF”

[Ed. Note: HECK YEAH YOU ARE!]

Tags:  
Scary Piano Juggler And His Little Friend In A Nice Chair
Nope! Not A Good Animal Video!
Comments (37)
  1. Ian  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +17

    Dance like you’re the sexiest man alive, which you are, you all are

    Reply
  2. Napoleon Complex  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +20

    That mouse story kinda broke my heart ngl.

    Also hi monsters! Shabbat shalom long time no see!

    Reply
  3. topknot  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +26

    Is Kelly straight up speechless?

    Reply
  4. lilbobbytables  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +12

    Wooooo happy weekends everyone! I’ll spend mine killing people in my kitchen, in the hopes that they haunt my toaster. Wooooo!

    Reply
  5. artdork  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +5

    The mouse story really affected her….

    Reply
  6. thisismynightmare  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +18

    I am celebrating tonight because I have the whole week off for Thanksgiving! PARTY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  7. explainer guy tries again!!  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +8

    have a great weekend everyone.

    Reply
  8. Del Preston  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +4

    Time to get your swag on, everybody.

    Reply
  9. Gobblegirl  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +9

    Well I’m so excited I could just flip.

    Reply
  10. KajusX & Chainsaws  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 +11

    So guys, on the Scary Piano Juggler thread, facetaco left the comment:

    I forgot Skrillex was ever a thing. That was like three Carly Rae Jespens and a Psy ago!

    In doing so, he made me remember my CRAZY dream this morning. By the time I finished typing it out, the Monster’s Ball had happened, so read it (or not), and have a good weekend!

    I had a weird dream last night that Carly Rae Jepsen was in. Knowing that she is an adult person in the world, it was weird that in my dream she was actually very small with a regular-sized adult head and apparently was also very poorly-schooled. She spoke very dopily. I think she was in town for a concert, and I was to drive her around on a tour of this little Podunk town in a muscle car.

    As soon as we pulled out onto Main Street, it was insanely hectic traffic. Like crowded, high-speed highway traffic. I almost slammed into the backs of dump trucks and was swerving to avoid other cars coming at me, and Carly was getting tossed around the passenger’s seat because of how small she was. She needed a child’s seat, FOR SURE.

    I pulled over to the shoulder/sidewalk (it was still just a little main street of a town, not an actual highway). It didn’t feel safe and I said we should probably head back to the hotel, and I recommended she get in the trunk because there were a bunch of boxes and stuff in there to keep her from getting jostled around by my driving and the traffic.

    She climbed in through the back seat and pulled the back seat up until it locked back into place, then I pulled out onto Main Street and turned left onto the very next side street, where I immediately lost control of the wheel and at about 15 mph smacked into the brick side wall of the town’s general store. Smoke started pouring out of the engine.

    Cut to a scene of Carly soaking in a tub of epsom salts (OR Jepsen salts) with a neckbrace, telling me it was not my fault, which just was not true at all.

    Cut to a scene the next day at the crowded hotel lobby/market, Carly Rae and her entourage run into my friend and me, Carly now in a wheelchair and wearing all bright pink clothes and accessories. She gave me a present of a 1/6 scale model of the matte black muscle car with gloss black dual stripes I had been driving, and introduced my friend and me to her assistant/manager/handler(?), a bald, sinewy man with a shaved head and a black turtleneck. We shook hands and exchanged hellos, and when we looked down Carly Rae had disappeared! Carly’s assistant/manager/handler recruited my friend and me to go look the way they had come in, and he and Carly’s entourage would go the other way, further into the crowded hotel lobby/market.

    Out front, we heard a *PING!* off to the left, which came from a pair of gold-doored elevators that went up to somewhere. One elevator had just left, so in no apparent rush we walked over to the second one and hit the UP button. I lit a cigarette, and told my friend that this was pointless because “Carly won’t be found if she doesn’t want to be found.” My friend told me I was being cynical, and the doors opened.

    We walked into the elevator. I pressed the 2nd floor button of the mirror-sided elevator then turned around and looked at the glass back wall. There was an old elevator operator sitting on a stool with his hand on the elevator switch and staring at me in alarm. Then I realized my friend was standing next to him, and that the back wall wasn’t glass, but a mirror, and instead of my reflection there was this old elevator operator. I asked my friend if he was seeing this, and my friend assured me he was. The elevator operator then angrily pointed to my lit cigarette and then the no smoking sign above his head. My eyes went wide. I was breaking a no smoking rule! My friend said, “Your cigarette, dude! Your cigarette!” I could see the doors closing in the reflection, and so I spun around to I to place the cigarette outside of the elevator. The doors wound up closing right on the smoldering cherry. *PING!*

    Then I woke up.

    Reply
  11. Michelle Nguyen  |   Posted on Nov 17th, 2012 +7

    southernbitch… catching mice is is hard! I once bought this cheap humane mouse trap that was this clear plastic rectangular cube and it had a door that could be pushed in, but not pushed out. I put some cheese at the end, and I caught a little tiny mouse in it. I stared at it, because it was cute. It freaked him out. I would pick up the box, and it would scramble in the box. I didn’t want to just put it out in my backyard, because it would find it’s way back into the house. And I didn’t want to be seen putting it outside around my neighborhood or drive it somewhere else. I think in the end, I tried to put it into a shoebox, and it jumped out… and hid somewhere else in my house and then my cheese got stuck, and I threw the trap away.

    I’m about to share another sad story.
    Then one time, in a store that I worked at, we had a mouse. And I told the company, and they put huge industrial glue traps around the area. It never showed up again. One day some construction workers wanted to borrow our vacuum, so we let them. We told them that it didn’t suck up very much. They, being handy men, opened up the vacuum… the mouse had been living in the vacuum eating paper and was dead and stuck in there. It made me sad. They are cute little critters. Much better than cockroaches and crickets and beetles… :(

    Reply

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