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Somewhere out there exists a world that we would recognize as very similar to ours. “We” are all there, doing just about the same things we do here — blogging, loving, drinking, tweeting. In fact if we were transported to this world without being told it’s possible that we wouldn’t notice the difference, that is, until we looked at the entertainment trade papers, which we would do immediately. “Where is all the news about rides and boardgames being turned into movies and TV shows?” we’d ask. “What?” a member of that planet would respond. “…Why would anyone adapt either of those things into a movie or TV show? That doesn’t make any sense. Are you ok? You look slightly more weathered than you normally do. What’s up, man?” But unfortunately we don’t live on that dream planet. We live on this dumb one. From The Hollywood Reporter:
ABC is going on a roller coaster.
The Disney-owned network is developing a potential series take on Disney’s popular Western-themed ride Big Thunder Mountain, The Hollywood Reporter has learned. The dramatic take, fittingly titled Big Thunder Mountain, will be co-written by Fast & Furious’ Chris Morgan and Ice Age: Continental Drift’s Jason Fuchs.
Additional details about the project, which hails from ABC Studios, are being kept under wraps.
Additional details like WHO IS GOING TO PLAY THE BIG THUNDER MOUNTAIN? Nice try, Hollywood Reporter, but no guessing game is going to get past us. Not on this planet. My guesses are Vincent Gallo, Coach Taylor, Peter Krause, Loreli Gilmore, Simon Cowell, or the boys of One Direction in a big pile. Cannot wait for this show about a roller coaster. Love this planet. Def do not wish I lived on any other one I could ever dream up.
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Tilda Swinton!
On a semi serious note (the kind you put in serious chip cookies), Alan Tudyk. I loved him as King Cany in Wreck it Ralph. He could do it. Pick him!
He’s already busy with Suburgatory! But if we’re just going with dream casting, Sam Rockwell! Hey, the name works, too!
Smokey Marcella, I like your style.
AAAAAAAALSO, I just opened a magazine I got on my lunch hour and who should grace the ad but SWINTON. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH SERENDIPITOUS SWINTON IS THE BEEESSSSST
Obviously it’s going to be The Rock. Not because of his name, but because a starring role in a TV show is exactly the direction his career appears to be headed.
As the new best friend of The Rock, I take offense to this!
I can smell what The Rock is cooking, and it smells an awful lot like a gradual fade to television!
Another show with a murderer protagonist?
My Nana brought my little cousin on this ride thinking it was the regular train.
ABC IS GOING ON A ROLLER COASTER GOOD ONE.
“They said I’d never make it Hollywood with my name, but here I am writing Ice Age: Continental Drift” – Jason Fuchs
VIN DIESEL!
Alternately,
JOHN LITHGOW!
So I went to Vegas this weekend and one of the tickets I kept getting handed was some kind of TV screening thing where I could pick which shows should make it and which should not. So I told my mom this and she said, “Yeah that explains a lot. Drunk assholes who lost all their money are picking out which shows should air.” I was all set to go, but then I won $35 on black 26… And $8 playing the corner!
26 is actually my favorite number because it’s the number worn by Hall of Famer and former Quebec Nordique superstar Peter Stastny. Good choice.
Alt-alternately,
Betty White!
I was just fooling around all those other times, OBVIOUSLY the only good choice would be…
REGGIE WATTS!
Even though I said all those things, I think ABC will shock us all and make it Jon Hamm’s private area shrouded in a thin mountain layer of fabric.
That or an Easter Islander with a LOT of rock makeup on.
Why is it only Tuesday, you guys?
the agrocrag could use the work.
This guy:
God that is a great show.
it’s raunchy and maddening! (I quote that on a regular basis #gaylife)
based on her latest music video, I’d suggest Björk. How about Lars von Trier directs?
This has to be inspired by the Zelda games. I’m pretty sure that they all have a dungeon with a boss battle that looks like this. #nerdalert