Photos
By now, we have all seen at least one picture of Jon Hamm’s giant penis inside of his pants. Right? Or is that a normal size penis? UH OH! BUSTED! I have no idea. Wait, yo, real quick, how big is everyone’s penis? Asking for a friend. Anyway, Jon Hamm’s longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt is apparently SICK OF IT, and is now MAKING HIM WEAR UNDERWEAR. Maybe. I literally no longer have any clear idea whatsoever if anything is true at all. But if this is true, it’s a real bombshell, right ladies? “Booo! Let’s riot in a street!” Hahaha. That’s you ladies. From Star magazine (via Celebitchy):
“Jennifer is furious with Jon for walking around, letting it all hang out,” tattles a pal. “Jon has always preferred being au natural, but after yet another round of pictures popped up, Jen freaked out.”
“Jennifer was already feeling insecure over Jon’s sex-symbol status, and the pictures were the last straw,” explains the source. “Jen is modest and shy – now all her friends are snickering about how lucky she is.”
So Jennifer has taken matters into her own hands [Editor’s note: I bet she needs BOTH HANDS], so to speak. “She’s bought him monogrammed boxers, Calvin Klein briefs, boxer briefs – you name it. She told him that whether he likes it or not, he’s wearing underwear!”
I do love that she bought him every kind of underwear, monogrammed. You never know, guys. She did not want to run the risk of him not wearing underwear due to some silly loophole like because she didn’t buy him boxer briefs and although he normally wears boxers she should know that he’s going to want boxer briefs for the Met Costume Gala where all of the flash photography happens, oh well, and besides, this underwear isn’t even monogrammed how do you expect him to leave the house?! Hahha. This is fun. We are all human beings and I love that about us. We will continue to follow this important news story as it develops.
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If she’s covering him up, I guess that would make her a…Draper?
a Dong Draper
Add another 5 upvotes to this comment because I just read it to my coworkers and they all loved it.
Anyone else think that this might just be a big ol’ Jon Hamm-style goof on the paparazzo?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeGteg74mjw&feature=player_detailpage#t=237s
Not to brag (too late), but my friend is really good friends with Jon and Jen and he said it’s true. He won’t introduce me to Jon because he’s scared I’ll claw him apart. He’s wise.
As a straight man, I’d be right there with you. Dude is Don Fucking Draper.
I met him before he became very famous. I was literally speechless, which is rare. Handsomestruck is the only word that comes to mind. And he was really nice to my dog.
I’m Jon Hamm.
Thank you for being nice to my dog.
Dogs are nice.
It’s like the times James Franco said hi to my dog. Also when Matt Dillon said hi, but mostly when James Franco did.
I’m James Franco.
Just kidding though, Jen apparently does not care and this is probably made up by a bunch of male journalists who aren’t getting laid.
Nu uh. It was your friend who tattled. This is the biggest scandal since Katie Couric started that feud with Craig Ferguson… but I have it on good authority that he just has sour grapes at her success.
Speaking of no underwear, I’d like to see Craig Ferguson walking around without any. My guess is it would be more impressive based on my Scottish sampling pool.
I’d rather see Geoff.
Heimaey, you are like a gay Brett Ratner!
Hey badideajeans, don’t talk that way about the future first lady of Australia! It’s uncouth.
I am so confused by what is happening in that picture. She’s half kneeling on his leg, but he’s sitting on a stool, so where is her other leg? Is it a really short stool? Is she very tall? Is she half standing on a milk crate? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS.
Also are they sharing a scarf? That is how decapitations happen in Gap
factoriesads!!Not really sure why I made this.
Just playin, guys. I know.
who cares why it’s AMAZEBALLS
May I just say that I appreciate Gabe standing up for gay issues and in-depth coverage of Jon Hamm’s manhood? Gabe for straight man president!
And RuPaul for gay man president, obvs.
What I like the most (least) about this story, is that even if she did buy him a bunch of underwear (who cares!), it’s not because she was like “Oh brother!” or even “It makes me uncomfortable to have everyone in the world talking about my partner’s genitals, and probably by association, mine.”
Nope! She had to “freak out” because she’s “insecure,” so she is acting like a bossy shrew and literally making him put his balls away.
It’s so reassuring to know that the patriarchy is alive and well!
Also, it’s spelled “au naturel,” Celebitchy. Dumdums.
But really, if she’s still just making him wear undies now, that’s kinda wicked not cool…
Ugh, right? UGH. It also just sounds really made up.
I’d just like to say that the photo used for this blog post makes me think of the Saturday Evening Post covers, and I would even be up for having those two crazy kids in a frame somewhere in my house. Scarves and smiles and tussled hair and Jon Hamm straight up smiling like a dude in a Rockwell.
If I were Jon Hamm, I would agree to wear underwear if she agreed not to make any more movies.
on that note, I nominate ‘Friends with Kids’ for THFTWMOAT. I can’t believe such a promising cast appeared in such an obnoxious movie.
Poor Jon Hamm, his girlfriend is making him cover up his tiny penis.
What?
“There’s nothing like an unfurnished basement for pure comfort.” Bart Simpson
I did not know that people had monogrammed undies. I don’t understand the logic, unless Jon Hamm considers the alternative to going commando as wearing his girlfriend’s undies, especially if–as weird as it sounds–they share an underwear drawer. No wait, it’s plausible, if you assume that asides from comfort level he doesn’t have much underwear to begin with.
I love Jon Hamm. I don’t care what he’s wearing as long as he’s wearing pants over it.