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Gabe has previously reported numerous accounts of this dangerous sex monster‘s attempts at destroying the hearts and vaginas of the world’s female population, but his latest ploy has taken his scheme to an entirely new level of manipulative emotional destruction. As you know, an attractive man holding a newborn baby sets off every hormonal alarm in the female body, throwing it quickly into Uterine-Cardioid Sex Madness. (A heightened level of what the female body goes through after seeing an attractive man holding a small dog.) This image of Benedict Cumberbatch holding his friend Paul McGuigan’s baby, which was later posted it to Paul McGuigan’s Twitter account (an attempt from Cumberbatch to shirk responsibility, one could reasonably guess), can be expected to have this effect on sighted women across the globe. Men, shield your eyes quickly — you are not fully immune. Women, our time has come. As I write this, I am floating into heaven, quickly losing the ability to reach my keyboard. It is a bittersweet end for all of–(Via Celebitchy.)
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RIP, bitches!
Fake. The real Benedict Cumberbatch would have said “RIP, birds!”
From the way he’s holding onto it, that baby doesn’t appear to be held so much as recently caught.
I’m glad you didn’t go the easy route with your costume and just masquerade as a pizza.
I was going to, but my trick or treat buddy Herman Cain called dibs first.
What I meant to say was
What a cute Cumberbatch kid! Somewhere, Xavier Roberts weeps.
I was going to fetch the smelling salts and fainting couches, but I died. Sorry ladies and gents. I am too dead to be of assistance this time.
Remember me as I was: Gloriously mustachioed.
Don’t go! You never gave us the before and after mustache pic!
Alien holding a baby, how charming.
I think the fact that he’s friends with the man who brought us Lucky Number Slevin should help the men and ladies gird their loins. #ripjoshhartnett
That is my #1 pick for WMOAT. My first Videogum interaction was emailing the tip line to suggest Gabe tear it apart, about a year before I registered an account.
I loved that movie.
Seconded!
Men experience a similar state of Sex Madness when women are photographed doing certain things. Those things include, but are not limited to: wearing sexy clothes, wearing no clothes, wearing soiled sweatpants, waiting for a bus, posing for a Virginia Slims ad, taking out the trash, putting a new bag in the kitchen trash can, using a computer, talking on a phone, texting on a phone, swiping a Metrocard, parking a car, stealing a car, eating, and sitting.
Really pretty much anything besides holding a baby.
“Speak for yourself!”
-Doug Hutchison
I got Facebook Connect’d
This cured me of Cumberbatchitis actually. I’m an awful monster, but I am just not into babies.
Cumberbatchitis sounds like a terrible STD.
It’s our generation’s Cloomydia
So this is what a facetaco sandwich feels like. Should have realized it would include STDs.
If that was a puppy, though? Game over.
yup.
Has anyone you love had a baby? ‘Cause it gets weird, fast. One minute, you’re all “Yeah, babies, they are weird, please keep them away.” The next you are “I love that bizarre looking sack of lumpy flesh and will murder anyone that attempts to harm it.”
I love them to bits once they turn like 3 or so. I mentioned it to my grandpa and he said “Yeah, I didn’t like any of mine until they were about 5 either.”
I was at a potluck a while back and someone brought a newborn (to show off, not to eat). Everyone ran over to see the baby, and I was on the other side of the yard because OH MY LORD THE NEIGHBOURS HAVE WEINER DOGS.
But, yes, many of my dear pals have kids, and I am happy for them. Just not as happy as if they all had puppies.
i just don’t see the appeal. if only there was someone out their who could help guide me in the ways of European men.
I like babies alright, but I’m more into that little Superman curl.
I’m with you on that curl. I would adopt kids over 3 with that curl so badly.
It’s ok, ladies and gents. I have the antidote.
I have been inspired! Gonna take off the rest of the day to write the screenplay for my new movie, “The Devil’s Blingee”
Look at how he’s holding that newborns’s head! He clearly knows how important it is to hold a newborn’s head! If somebody posts a picture of him SMELLING that newborn’s head, I’m getting me tubal ligation reversed.
I originally read that as “tubal litigation,” and I was thinking you were suing your reproductive system. So I started working on a screenplay for that idea, too.
I LOVE that idea. Please tell me that Jennifer Aniston is going to play me. Can I get a producer credit?
Jennifer Aniston? I don’t want people to think this is a documentary!
NB: “Me tubal ligation” is not a typo. I am being drunk and Irish for Halloween, which is different from every other day because FECK OFF.
Well, Monsters, it’s been a good run, but I don’t think smelling salts are going to revive me this time. I’ve had a good life, and short as it was, I can’t imagine it ending on any better note. See you all in Monster Heaven.
Seriously, Summer, we are dead, but at least we are dead together. RIP Videogum ladeez. It’s been a good run of videos of children crying over horror movies and surprisingly serious discussions about Daniel Tosh.
While we’re talking about cute men doing cute things, here is some Ryan Gosling news for you:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/31/ryan-gosling-texas-school-for-deaf-austin_n_2049086.html
Apparently Fassy showed up as well.