Step 1: Decide where to purchase your pumpkin. What’s the closest place? You might think that you want to go to whatever place has the “best” pumpkins, or maybe you think that you might even want to go to a pumpkin patch so you can take fun photos to show your friends online, but the correct plan would be to just go to the place closest to your home or apartment building. Remember: Pumpkins are heavy!!!!
Step 2: While out, buy bullets for your gun. (Will be explained later.)
Step 3: Push all nagging thoughts (both about reasons why you would do certain things, just in general, and about how certain pumpkin-carving tools are becoming not AS light-hearted in light of all the recent national tragedies upon recent national tragedies, not to get too unnecessarily heavy, we are only carving a pumpkin after all, but just saying) out of your mind.
Step 4: Get your webcam ready.
Step 5: Sit a distance that definitely seems too close to the pumpkin for the carving method you’ve chosen.
Step 6: Shoot the pumpkin with your gun.
Step 7: Settle for having the worst fucking pumpkin ever.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (Via LaughingSquid.)