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Variety reports that Hollywood has finally stopped ignoring the clamorous and incessant demands of the American public, and there will be a new Ernest movie. Phew. I was getting worried there for a second! It seemed like the crowd might turn violent! Obviously, Jim Varney, who played Ernest in all of the Ernest movies, died 12 years ago (R.I.P.) so it won’t actually be an Ernest movie, but a whole new spin-off franchise set in the Ernest universe, called Son of Ernest. America is all like. It makes sense, though. The kids of today don’t want their granddaddy’s Ernest. They want something fresh and new, something dope for their chill eyes. Here are a couple suggestions for how Hollywood can pump up this already great idea so that it is a total rager:
- Ernest Jr. Goes To The Apple Store: Ernest Jr. needs to buy a new roll of duct tape to fix a hole in his tent but he ends up in the wrong store by accident and now he’s a famous “food blogger.”
- Ernest Jr. Goes To The Transformers Planet: Ernest Jr. accidentally walks onto a space shuttle and finds himself on the planet where all the Transformer robot alien things are from. One of them develops a crush on Ernest Jr. and tries to get him to marry her.
- Ernest Jr. Goes To Prom: Ernest Jr. puts on his finest church suit to go to prom only to find that he’s the only person there. Nobody goes to prom anymore, dweeb! #FAIL
- Ernest Jr. Goes To a Hostel: Ernest Jr. wins a European vacation on the back of a bag of cereal. When he checks into his hotel, he thinks everyone is just acting “French,” but little does he know, this is where wealthy businessmen pay millions of dollars to dismember human bodies!
- Ernest Goes To Korea: Ji gum bu to gal de ka ji ga bol ka. Oppan Gangnam Style!
Any of these will work, Hollywood. Just pick one. Or make them all! Coming soon to an Android-enabled phone near you.
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Ernest Meets Oscar Wilde.
We Have To Talk About The Importance of Being Earnest
Ernest tries to foil international art thief Tilda Swinton. Hijinks ensue.
Also, I am not saying that last night’s heist at the Kunsthal Museum was definitely Tilda’s doing, but rather just pointing out that I can’t prove she wasn;t involved.
ALSO ALSO if any lawtypes read this blog, that is not a tip. And why are you reading Videogum for crime tips anyway? That…that seems weird, unless Gabe and Kelly are using cyphers in their texts, and are really planning to STEAL THE CONSTITUTION.
Ernest 2 Tha Streets
2 Ernest 2 Die
2 Soon!
he buys his [made in AMERICA] denim vest from glennbeck.com
Knowhut iMean, Vern?
You know, I am 100% on board with this. It’s not like it will lessen the original series, or sacrifice any dignity. It’s fucking Ernest. Go for it.
facetaco’s inner child 198?-2012 RIP
That happened in 2009 when I realized that, nope, Ernest isn’t funny anymore even if I have a terrible hangover. I got up from the couch WITH MY HANGOVER to get the remote control, that’s how much I can’t even watch Ernest anymore.
The Importance of Being Ernest – Ernest tries to figure out why his bff has this tattoo on his buttocks: “From little Cecily, with her fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.
Ernest Jr. Goes to Ultra-Modern LA
Ernest Jr. Goes to the P4k Music Fest
I’m in Korea now, guys, literally doing Videogum Gangnam style. (My hotel is in Gangnam, and there is a confetti machine in the ceiling.) (It’s 2:30 in the morning. I stayed up late reading a great book. (The Cutting Season by Attica Locke.))
A confetti machine IN THE CEILING??? Please explain yourself. Do you have to insert a quarter? Is it just on all the time, constantly shooting confetti all over the place so you have to dig a tunnel to the door in the morning? Is it only there for show?
I was joking, though once I posted, I realized my tone wasn’t jokey. I was going to say that I was commenting on Videogum in a colorful tuxedo, but I already made that pretty lame joke on Twitter? And I thought you guys deserved original material, even if it was essentially the same pretty lame joke.
Also, I’m still awake! Not sure why this time!
You totally could have made up an answer, none of us would have known. Tip for next time (I would assume the confetti machine has a switch next to the one for the whirlpool tub).
Don’t we PRETTY MUCH already have this generation’s Ernest anyway?
I don’t know who this is but I’m annoyed already.
That was my exact same reaction!! Score +2 for the Olds!!
In the 90s I made a fan tribute movie entitled “Ernest va aux toilettes” that I would be willing to sell the rights of for a very reasonable fee.
Ernest Jr. Goes to the Gathering of the Juggalos
Earnest Jr. Won’t Turn Down That Damn Skrillex, Which Is Not Even Music, It’s Just Noise
the girl in the “like” link in the blog post is pretty
there’s no way there’s not a spec script titled “ernest goes viral” sitting around the ruckusfilm offices that’s basically a combination of gabe’s first and last suggestions.
Ernest Escapes From Guantanamo Bay