Kelly: Hello, Gabe
Gabe: hi kelly
Gabe: how are you doing?
Kelly: Fine! Dealing with some rain over here
Kelly: But fine otherwise
Kelly: How about you
Gabe: you ok? that sounds pretty serious
Kelly: I mean
Kelly: Yeah, I’m fine
Kelly: Let’s not get into it right now, but just for your peace of mind let’s just say that I’m dealing with it
Gabe: hang in there
Gabe: i’m doing fine, thanks
Gabe: just high on life, you know?
Gabe: life is my anti-drug
Gabe: what a beautiful gift from God
Kelly: That’s so great to hear, Gabe.
Kelly: Kind of making ME feel a little better about my rain problem, actually
Gabe: you have to keep things in perspective, you know?
Gabe: like, sure, your life is the worst life ever
Gabe: but maybe someday someone will be born with an even worse one
Gabe: there’s always something to hope for
Kelly: You’re right. Tonight I will pray for exactly that.
Kelly: I’m glad you’re feeling so open to life today, Gabe, because one thing life is full of is changes
Kelly: I’m sure you know that
Kelly: They can be hard to deal with sometimes, but you get used to them and before you know it you love the change and can barely even remember how life was before the change
Gabe: i feel like you have something in mind that is making you say all these things, but maybe it really IS just generalities you’re bringing up
Kelly: They really are the spice of life, changes.
Kelly: People say that
Kelly: Kind of
Gabe: the spice of life is the gross of sayings
Kelly: What I’m getting at is your #2 source of televised celebrity gossip, The Insider, is changing its name.
Kelly: omg! NOW
Kelly: Exactly as it is written in that last IM
Gabe: wait until the kids get a load of this
Gabe: they are going to flip their lids
Kelly: FINALLY television is speaking the language of the youth
Gabe: they are going to flip their fitteds
Gabe: it would be annoying
Gabe: if it was announced
Gabe: that they were starting a show
Gabe: called omg NOW!
Gabe: but the fact that they are changing the name of a show that already has a name
Gabe: to that name
Gabe: makes me want to OMBARF
Kelly: And the name they have is a perfectly good name.
Gabe: where was Nancy O’Dell during all of this?
Gabe: Nancy OMG’Dell
Gabe: oh wait, she’s Entertainment Tonight
Gabe: who is The Insider?
Gabe: does Ant host The Insider?
Kelly: hahaha ahhhh
Kelly: I WISH
Kelly: It is Kevin Frazier and Brooke Anderson
Kelly: Whoever they are
Kelly: K-Fraz and BanderSON!
Gabe: WASSSSSSUUUUUP POGS!
Gabe: that is how they are going to start every show now
Gabe: YO, KRISTEN STEWART BLAH BLAH BLAH COWABUNGA HOMIES
Kelly: Hashtag WAZZAAAAP
Gabe: follow us on Orkut
Kelly: Wow I did not know what that was
Kelly: And I still don’t!
Gabe: what?! you don’t know about the #1 social networking website in Brazil and India?
Gabe: but my joke!
Gabe: you need to know 3 my joke@
Gabe: who is that name supposed to appeal to?
Gabe: i mean, i know it’s just a branding thing
Gabe: to tie into that website or whatever
Gabe: but no one actually thinks or cares about the names of websites
Kelly: Or says the names of them out loud
Gabe: people do think and care a little bit about the names of shows
Gabe: and that is a bad name of a show
Gabe: that everyone is going to hate
Gabe: adults: hate
Gabe: children don’t even know what TV is so it doesn’t matter
Gabe: “is it a phone?”
Gabe: just kidding, kids don’t know what phones are either
Gabe: I’LL BE IN MY ROOM
Kelly: It is a hands-down terrible, terrible idea.
Kelly: How are they going to say it on television?
Gabe: that first day on the set is going to be real rough
Gabe: when those two full grown adults
Gabe: have to look into the camera and say
Gabe: “Welcome to omg NOW!” without throwing up and killing themselves
Kelly: At a friend’s dinner party, “Oh, I work at omg! NOW”
Kelly: “I’m an accountant over at omg! NOW”
Gabe: meanwhile, some fat cat sitting on top of the Hollywood sign is lighting his cigar with a one hundred dollar bill
Gabe: just being like “nailed it again, Dan”
Kelly: It’s upsetting because I’m sure some part of the decision came from thinking that it’s an attention-grabbing name
Gabe: we’ve got to be hot, this show needs to pop
Gabe: was anyone in that meeting like hey, how about no
Kelly: “I get your point but can I just say, nah-uh”
Gabe: nobody? everyone’s on board
Gabe: “this is great, we are unanimous”
Gabe: not a single voice of dissent? in a room full of adults? discussing whether or not to call a TV show “omg NOW!”
Gabe: watch this be the biggest show ever
Gabe: this 6PM show about gossip
Gabe: it’s going to end streaming and downloading
Gabe: everyone has to toon in
Gabe: for the latest episode of omg NOW!
Gabe: watch what happens live
Kelly: And our conversation will be passed around in 10 years like audio of someone saying the internet wasn’t going to catch on
Gabe: “like audio of someone saying the internet wasn’t going to catch on”
Gabe: remember when someone passed around that audio
Gabe: of someone saying the internet wasn’t going to catch on?
Gabe: that was hilarious, that audio
Gabe: that got passed around
Gabe: did they ever find out who the person was? who said it? in the audio?
Kelly: IT EXISTS PROBABLY GABE YOU DON’T KNOW
Kelly: I’m sure I probably heard a This American Life or something in which audio of someone saying the internet wasn’t going to catch on was used, I just can’t place it
Kelly: But this convo will be just like that
Gabe: his name is David Rakoff
Gabe: may he rest in peace
Kelly: Oh right
Gabe: way to turn this into a real bummer, kelly
Gabe: and just when we were having so much fun
Gabe: talking about omg NOW!
Kelly: I’m sorry
Gabe: u blew it, kid
Gabe: go to your room
Kelly: You can take away internet access for however long you want, that’s fine
Gabe: nice try
Gabe: i’m not going to REWARD you
Gabe: no, you have to go to your room and stay ON the internet
Kelly: omg! NO
Gabe: and scene. #buzz #tweets #rihanna #y2k