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Choosing the actor that is going to play you in the movie of your life is one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make, and one of the easiest things to screw up. For example if you asked me right now which actress I would want the answer I’d give you is Elizabeth Olsen, but the CORRECT answer is probably closer to Charlotte Gainsbourg making a puffy face in baby clothes and a messy wig. It’s hard to be objective about it, is what I’m saying. That is probably why this mess of a Q&A happened when Mitt and Ann Romney were on Live! this morning, from TMZ:
Gene Hackman would make a lovely Ann Romney in a Hollywood movie about her life … this according to Mitt Romney.
The Republican nominee and his wife appeared on “Live! with Kelly and Michael” this morning … and endured a Rapid Fire line of questions … one of which was, “Who would you pick to play each other in the movie?”
You know, the movie?
Mitt replied, “For me, my favorite actor is Gene Hackman … so I’d like Gene Hackman.” Kelly Ripa quickly shot back, “You want Gene Hackman to play YOUR WIFE!?”
Mitt laughed …and joked, “What was that movie he was in? The Birdcage?”
Don’t worry, Mitt eventually corrected himself … and picked a more appropriate star.
“MY WIFE!” – Borat. Hahaha. I think Borat should play Mitt Romney and then Borat should also play Ann Romney. And every character Mike Meyers plays in Austin Powers should be their sons. And the whole thing is shot secretly and turns out to be at once very honest and possibly damning. GREEN LIGHT! Mitt went on to say that Michelle Pfeiffer should play Ann and Ann agreed that Gene Hackman should play Mitt. Boo. Boo-ring. Actually, Michelle Pfeiffer was not a bad choice for Ann, but WE CAN DO BETTER. For example:
Mitt: Big papier-mâché face
Ann: Large, sensible, high-heeled red shoe
Mitt: Harrison Ford
Ann: Jane Fonda
Mitt: Cartoon with money eyes and evil eyebrows and a boring suit
Ann: Drawing of a woman with children looking askance at a women sitting at a desk
Mitt: Mark Duplass
Ann: Katie Aselton
Mitt: Wax figure covered in flop sweat
Ann: Ann Romney
Mitt: Vincent Gallo
Ann: Vincent Gallo
Mitt: Businessman trying his hand at acting
Ann: Mom who “used to model a bit”
Who do you think? Huh?
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I sense a really good opportunity for Laz Rojas. He already has a good Ann:
Maybe it’ll help bring them back together:
GOB’s “guy in a $5000 suit” rants suddenly have so much relevance.
Oh, if only it could! I am seriously so sad about this I don’t know if I can even watch Thursday night TV.
Mitt Romney should play himself, since he’s going to have a lot of free time after November.
Yay!
Kim Kardashian & Donald Trump.
How about the Tin Man plays Mitt, and that awful Christy Brinkley plays Ann?
She’s not awful! She was in Vacation!
I’ll never forgive her for that “Uptown Girls” video. Ugh!
It has to be someone able play a character for whom being fully human is always just out of reach…
Andy Serkis. For both.
He’s great at playing almost humans
I saw him at Comic Con this weekend <3 <3 <3
I dunno, at least Data WANTS to be human. Mitt doesn’t seem to want empathy etc.
Tyler Perry And Tyler Perry, in Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Elected?”
Chad Michaels as Anne Romney
the dinosaurs from that Aussie’s forthcoming theme park
though gargamel will need a toupee.
I love Stanley Tucci and Meryl Streep, so I would definitely want them involved. By that I mean I want to see the movie with them. The movie can star lilo and chad michael murray.
I waved to my friend who was walking with Stanley Tucci at a benefit once. I didn’t know it was Mr. Tucci or I would have been following my friend around all night like a puppy as he was his celeb escort. But the really good part/ end to this story is that Mr. Tucci waved back and SMILED at me.
Rob Lowe and Tori Spelling since it’s definitely going to be on Lifetime
“i’m unelectable, bitch”
I couldn’t think of someone male who is patrician enough to play Mitt Romney, so I vote for Gwyneth Paltrow for both. Really though, outside of makeup, all Gwyneth would have to do is hem and haw until the Sun goes out while trying to saying he likes barbeque sauce or whatever.
I went with Paltrow for Ann for the reasons you said, but I went with Jack from Lost for Mitt because the well being of women is neither’s primary interest.
The kind of terrifying thing is that my first though was “why did that puppet past Mitt’s own face on his body?”
*paste
me spell gud
Mitt: Big papier-mâché face
Ann: Gwyneth Paltrow because she only lets her kids craft in French or Spanish.
The hemming and the hawwing thing was for Mitt, in case the use of the masculine singular pronoun didn’t tip you off.
There is no way I can improve on “Wax figure covered in flop sweat,” “Businessman trying his hand at acting,” or “Mom who ‘used to model a bit.’” But anyway:
Mitt: Ryan Reynolds for the early “poor” years, and in the later years, Ryan Reynolds’ callow youthfulness plastered over with Experienced Blowhard makeup.
Ann: Rebecca Pidgeon in a blonde wig trying really hard to sound normal.
I was going to say a haunted block of wood for Mitt, but maybe an evil block of wood that came from a tree that was a jerk and is haunted by a sociopath.
Ann will be played by a talking Barbie doll that is programmed by Phyllis Schlafly. Or just Phyllis Schlafly.
Wait if corporations are people, can we have corporations play them?
Mitt: The evil corporation that is shutting down your local town’s plant and putting hundreds of people out of work… so Bain Capital?
Ann: The Rotary Club or Jr. League (are clubs considered people?)
Mitt: bag of dirty laundry
Ann: book of secrets
Leave me out of this.