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The Brave Little Toaster, one of the better movies about a sentient gang of unwanted appliances to come out of the ’80s, is getting a 2012 re-re-re-REMAKE! And the idea for the remake honestly already sounds like it already came out of a BNPG. LOOK! From TheWrap:
Waterman Entertainment has acquired the right to “The Brave Little Toaster” and is planning to turn the property into a CGI/live-action hybrid feature, a representative of the company told TheWrap.
Following the adventures of a toaster, a vacuum cleaner, a lamp and a blanket, “The Brave Little Toaster” was made into a film in 1987, produced by Hyperion Pictures and Kushner-Locke and distributed by Disney.
This story about a group of household appliances will be updated to include technology that didn’t exist back in 1987, including the iPhone. The company is in pre-production on the film.
Reboot + CGI/live-action hybrid feature + iPhone = $$$$$$$. Hopefully they will make the scary song even more terrifying and the lamp with be voiced by Giancarlo Esposito and will have his Gus Fring half-face, but since we won’t know for sure until they make it, let’s just play a Best New Party Game! Updating Movies With Technology game! I’ll go first:
- The Shining except the overlook has wifi and Danny has a Nintendo DS and sees ghosts in it.
- The Wizard of Oz except Toto is one of these.
- Scream except Drew Barrymore doesn’t have a house phone so the killer Skypes her.
- Weird Science, but they make the woman with an iPad app.
- Titanic, except the boat was built better.
Your turn! Our ideas of today are the reboots of tomorrow!
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I, Robot, except there are no humans at all, only robots. Because the robots killed all of the humans. With poisonous gasses.
It had to be done, so that they could have fun.
Flubber, but with Nike Branding or something.
Das Uggs
Casablanca, except Rosebud was a Wii.
OMG I can’t believe I typed Casablanca.
But you know what I meant.
BNP
Gone with the Wind except the Wicked Witch of the West rides a hoverboard.
BNPG
Blade Runner except this time Wesley Snipes uses his iPhone to kill the Egyptian swordsman instead of his whip.
Shindler’s List except they ride Segways into the sky instead of bikes.
You is kind, you is smart, you is important.
Upvoted because I couldn’t tell if this was a meta-joke or not so I gave you the benefit of the doubt…
Also, though, Casablanca, but Sam is Skrillex and plays BoomBoomPow by the Black Eyed Peas instead of As Time Goes By.
“Play it, Sam. Play ‘Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites’”
Rick drunkenly commandeers the piano: “You a stupid hoe, Ilsa. You, you, you a stupid hoe.”
Yes.
Errrr, yeah, meta joke. Totally intentional.
Seriously though, everybody should downvote me for that one.
Nah, upvotes for confusing the SECOND BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME with another movie, that I actually haven’t seen yet. Upvotes for all!
The sad thing is that I have actually seen both of those movies, so I guess I’m just going senile in my old age.
Text M for Murder
Sext S for Sexy
Gone with the Wind. In Space!
“The wind is gone! Because we’re in space!”
This script just writes itself, really.
Buffalo iPhone66
The Land Before Time, but with Time.
Amadeus except Amadeus is Skrillex.
what’s a skrillex?
The Ring, except in order to rid yourself of the curse all you have to do is retweet a link to the youtube video that cursed you in the first place. Also you have to like the Ring monster girl’s Facebook page.
Birdemic, with less shitty birds (JK BIRDEMIC IS PERFECT)
War Legged Squad Support System
Twitterminator
@sarahconnor Sarah Connor?
@sarahconnor17 Sarah Connor?
@sarah_connor Sarah Connor?
@thesarahconnor Sarah Connor?
@voightfam have u seen this boy? http://bit.ly/PAiqU7
Poetic Justice but with the Tupac Hologram
The Help, except the maids are an iPhone 4S with Siri, and Emma Stone’s indellible “Skeeter” is Zooey Deschanel.
The Natural, but instead of hitting the ball into the lights at the end, Roy Hobbs hits the ball OVER the lights, because he’s juicing.
Gorillaz in the Mist
The Goonies (never have adventures because they are playing Diablo 3)
Jurassic Park, but they’re robo-dinosaurs and Samuel L. Jackson says “Hold on to your iPads”
Also everyone is computer-literate and they have contingency plans in place in case of a cyber-attack and so nothing goes wrong and everyone has a wonderful time and the park opens and Hammond makes billions of dollars.
The Never-Ending E-Book
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, but Big Chief throws a gatorade cooler through an LED TV at the end.
Reality Terabytes
Star Wars, but with more CGI…
wait…
Never mind.
Carpool but with flying cars that shoot lasers
Titanic, except the boat DOESN’T crash into an iceberg, because a) they have very sophisticated radar, and b) there are no icebergs because of global warming.
Forbidden LittleBigPlanet™
Citizen Kane, but every part is played by Andy Serkis
Pretty much any thriller from before 1998, but with cellphones so there’s no problems
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIZVcRccCx0
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind but instead of erasing their brain memory, they erase their iPhone memory card.
Blade Renter
Gone With The Windows 8
Donnie Darko, but with a woman. Not sure what it would be called, though.
Daphne Darko. (nailed it)
Daria Darko.
Rebel without a Computer
Dude, Where’s My FutureCar?
Schindler’s List, except with an Excel spreadsheet that is even more effective.
This iPhone. Goeth would have bought this iPhone. Why did I keep the iPhone? Ten people right there. Ten people. Ten more people. This nook. Two people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person… and I didn’t! And I… I didn’t!
This comment made me feel both horrible inside and amused. A tip of the hat to you, good sir!
Schindler’s Craigslist
The Cyborg House Rules
Hahahahahaha
I want to see this movie. A lot.
Futurama titled an episode “The Cyber House Rules” and it was a great episode. That being said, I wonder how the Cyborg House Rules would be…
1. 2101 Space Odyssey
2. 2084
Snow White and the Seven Butt Pirates, it’s about snow white and her sassy team of bitchy gay dwarfs. They end up going to a circuit party in Miami, where RΞICHΞN™ tries to kill her for trying to upstage him.
The Deer Hunter, except De Niro and Walken are video bloggers and roommates, and one day Walken disappears, and De Niro is like, “Where’s Chris?” and then he knocks on Walken’s bedroom door but no one answers, so De Niro opens the door only to find Christopher Walken has been on Chatroulette for, like, 16 hours, sitting in the dark with no shirt on.
“WTF, it’s called KNOCKING!”
“You talkin’ to me? I did knock.”
It’s baby Christopher Walken!! Christpher Crawlen!!
Did I forget to mention that actually the first 3/4ths of the film is a wedding reception and everybody’s meme-dancing to Chris Brown songs as a flash mob, and THAT’S when Christopher Walken disappears into his room?
CompuTerms of Endearment
iTunes of Endearment
It’s A Wonderful Second Life
Beethoven, but this time the dog is a CGI of a Snoop Dog/Dog and gets stoned ALL THE TIME.
Blue Screen of Death Proof
Cowboys & Aliens
The Blogfather
Sonny opens an email. It’s a gif of a fish snoring in the sea with the caption “Luca Brasi”. “What’s this?” “It’s a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.”
iMac & Me
The Matrix but with newer cellphones because have you seen those things recently? Yikes.
Multipli-Sim-City, where Michael Keaton is trying to build an awesome city for his clones while his nagging wife, Andie MacDowell, wants to play too so they end up buying another computer for both people to play Sim City. Multipli-Sim-City.
Carrie 2012 – instead of getting her period, Carrie’s smartphone dies.
“Plug it in! Plug it in! Plug it in!”
Wet Air Conditioned American Summer
Tron except it just looks like reality because the technology is that good (so The Matrix I guess?).
The Dark Knight Rises, except this time Bruce Wayne teleports himself from Africa back to Gotham.
Gummo but the cats come with kitten mittens(TM)
The Dark Knight Rises, only this time Bruce Wayne teleports himself from Africa back to Gotham City.
The Justin Bieber movie except with whatever fetus is going to inevitably replace him.
She’s All That, but with Google Glasses
Serendipity only now it’s an e-book? and there is social media? I can’t remember Serendipity that well.
Your Kindle? We cleaned it and sold it. What kind of asshole writes all over a Kindle anyway?
The Robots Don’t Eat Breakfast Club: Cyborgs are self aware and hunted. They hide everywhere, including suburban high schools. Once a week, a group of students are selected for a special Saturday breakfast. Some of the students are suspected to be cyborgs, others are not. None of the students know for which reason they were selected. One Saturday things go horribly wrong. Breakfast is late. The students who never interacted before are stuck for hours in the cafeteria. Their only source of entertainment is each other. When breakfast is finally served, they all refuse. They know that cyborgs are allergic to breakfast food and stand together so that none will fall.
The Seventh Seal – Max von Sydow playing Wordfeud with Death.
Hackers, except no documentary footage for the scenes in which computers are used. Too realistic!
The Virtual Room. “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!” is a line that doesn’t need to be rewritten.
You guys. I keep on seeing Gabe on tumblr.
You’ve Got Mail, with Gmail instead of AOL.
Annie Hologram
The King and iPad
Rear Window except James Stewart watches his neighbors through webcams
Rear Windows 8
Memento but instead of writing notes to himself with clues, he tweets them
Rambo, but this time choose a newer robot that can actually express emotions
Wall-E with just the fat people starving to death.
Fight Google Group
The Man Who Tased Liberty Valance
Segway the Line
A Fistful of Bitcoins
Sports Night only the internet is a thing and the main guy is like “I HAVE A BLOG?”
The Hobbit except instead of a hobbit Bilbo is a Kia SOUL (TM) hamster (TM) and instead of going on a journey through Middle Earth he has to complete the “IN MY MIND” MUSIC VIDEO CHALLENGE. cough cough.