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Lots of trailers this week, you guys. Do you want me to ramble on and on or should we just get to it? That’s what I thought, too.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Oh wowwwwwww! How pumped is everyone behind this movie, just knowing that they’re sitting on a gold mine? “If we do half as well as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter then we are set for life, but we expect this movie to do even better because this is a made up quote!” This is so clearly some kind of scrambling attempt to make up for losing out on the bid to make AL:VH or something? But that movie did not ah do ah so hot, and this movie looks even worse maybe? Or at the very least equally bad. Hey, remember when Dame Jeremy Renner was in that movie about Iraq that was really really good and everyone was like this guy is so good? Yeah.
Rust and Bone
I am sure that this movie is very touching and powerful. It looks good! But also the idea of two separate worlds colliding being the worlds of whale trainers and street fighters is just, I mean, right, no, yes, haha, yes, they ARE different! As different as can be, you have me on that one. Are those real worlds? Sort of. I guess. Let’s fall in love!
Love and Honor
Did anyone realize that this movie took place in the late ’60s before someone said “I didn’t realize Jane had a boyfriend in Vietnam”? Or were you all like me and still are not sure when this movie is supposed to take place? I think they don’t show this in the trailer but Liam Hemsworth is actually just Quantum Leaping into the Vietnam war? And that’s why nothing looks quite right and this seems like a Nicholas Sparks movie set on a beach in 2004? Perfect. Fandango.
A Christmas Story 2
When this trailer went on-line this week people exploded, talking about what a horrible travesty it was and how it was yet another example of Hollywood’s complete stupidity and lack of original thought and money hunger. All of those things are totally true. This looks awful. But, and I recognize that I’m about to say something that is going to make people very upset, as a Jew who did not have a tradition of watching A Christmas Story every year and who came to that movie rather late in life, guess what: that movie isn’t so great either. It’s got some funny moments I guess, but you might be surprised if you were able to see clearly how well this hackneyed, unnecessary trailer for a sequel actually gets it “right.” SORRY!!!!
Twice Born
What?
This Must Be the Place
Weird. Guys, I think I’m actually turning the corner on this movie. At first it was all jokes about the way Sean Penn looked. And then it was all jokes about the way Sean Penn talked. But now there is this new trailer and is it just me or does this actually look potentially great? Maybe it was smart to keep dragging this movie out and not releasing it for years and years (or at least that is how it feels) because now I’m suddenly in a place in my life where I kind of like the idea of an aging rock star hunting a Nazi war criminal. And you can say what you want about Sean Penn, and we have, but he clearly committed to the role 100 percent. Good for him. Also: David Byrne!
The Comedy teaser
This movie seems to make people so mad. Why are they so mad?! What is it about this movie?! I guess we will see. The Ring.
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Why doesn’t the A Christmas Story 2 trailer say when it will be released? WHEN CAN I SCHEDULE 24 HOURS OF A CHRISTMAS STORY 2???
oh god, how many terrible academic papers on medieval feminism will be written about hansel and gretel: witch hunters. paging camille paglia.
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Not at all facetaco. At the risk of being a humorless feminist, feminists can be anyone! Especially Patrick Stewart!
I just really object to the idea that feminism is ONLY for women when that is far from the case. Also, I am just bragging that Patrick Stewart is totally invited to the Moon Base. More gin for Captain Xavier, please!
Montreal Comic Con is next weekend and he will be doing a panel with William Shatner and Data will be there and my future ex-husband Adam Baldwin!!! I’m pretty stoked.
Holy shit.
if by “chicks”, you literally mean baby birds, well, then yes, they will definitely be terrible as they are not very good at using keyboards and knowing language.
i don’t know; there have been some great strides in birducation in the past 3 years. the chicks living under my air conditioner all have iPecks (the teacher got a grant for the classnest).
I agree sooooo much about A Christmas Story. I saw it for the first time a couple of years ago and it was just a big question mark to me.
That trailer for A Christmas Story 2 is a poignant reminder just how great Home Alone was.
…and the timelessness of Slinky/bed spring gags.
And also a reminder that The Wonder Years was inspired by A Christmas Story, and was narrated by Daniel Stern. It’s all coming full-circle!
AND AS a great reminder OF WHAT the guy behind the ORIGINAL A Christmas Story has BEEN MAKING since that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McGqeq600D8
The real guy behind A Christmas Story is its narrator and writer, Jean Shepherd, who actually wrote a narrated 3 Christmas Story sequels, one of which was directed by Bob “Black Christmas” Clark.
Three Little Pigs: Wolf Hunters
Mary Had a Little Lamb: Sheep Hunters
Little Miss Muffett: Spider Hunter
Sleeping Beauty: to catch a somnophiliac
goldielocks & the three bears: zombie hunters (plot twist)
Grimm: Wesen Hunter
Teddy Roosevelt: Sasquatch Wrestler.
Little Jack Horner: Plum Insane
Now it’s about Sean Penn’s old lady glasses
Those glasses and the music in the trailer sealed the deal for me. I absolutely want to see this. I’ve turned the corner.
Hansel and Gretel looks like one of those movies that won’t be a lot of fun to watch and won’t bring in a lot of money, but was SUPER fun to make.
Seems like we should ALL make Hansel and Gretel at least once, then.
Well I guess that knight hoodie was quite popular. Etsy to Hollywood in no time.
Rust and Bone is by the guy who not only did A Prophet but also The Beat That My Heart skipped, both of which are phenomenal movies. So even though this has a crappy trailer, it’s probably going to be a really good movie.
Speaking of Jeremy Renner: have any of you guys watched that Dahmer movie he stars in on Netflix? It’s, like, really good. Really! And there’s a tasteful rape-montage. Tasteful!
Whatever, you don’t HAVE to listen to me. This is America and you can watch or not watch whatever horrible garbage movies you want.
i liked that movie. it’s actually what i primarily associate jeremey renner with. mainly because i haven’t seen many other things he’s been in. but also ‘cos it was pretty good!
The only one I wanna see is The Comedy because Neil Hamburger hitting golfballs
I didn’t even recognize him!
All I can say about famous historical/fictional people hunting monsters trend is that somebody thought illogical anarchronism was going to be the next big thing.
That person is this close to working in a carwash.
I really hate teaser trailers. The only thing they are potentially good for is too show off glimpses of potentially amazing visual scenes in action or sci-fi movies. So I’m already displeased with The Comedy just because of that trailer, and not because I’ve been told that it will offend/provoke/whatever me. While not labeled as a teaser trailer, Twice Born is similarly guilty of being annoyingly uninformative.
It is potentially annoying to use “potentially” twice in the same sentence.
can we talk about how even though H&G:WHs looks awful, Gemma Arterton looks like a shining voltron of fairy dust and princesses and warm feelings and baked goods?
i want to drink whatever her favorite tea is.
Love and Honor was filmed around where I live, and I got to know Teresa Palmer while she was here (though I had no clue who she was for a while)… But now watching that trailer I’m WILDLY disappointed it wasn’t Aimee Teegarden I met… Or even just saw.. For a second… (long enough to propose, at least)