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Every year in January there is that trend piece that goes around about how scientists determined that January 14th is the “most depressing day of the year,” or whatever, I’m so bored right now that I don’t even have the energy to look up the real thing but I know you know what I’m talking about. And then someone else will be like, “Actually, it’s January 15th,” and you’re like, “Let’s all kill ourselves.” Now, I don’t have any scientists in my lab, but I have determined for a FACT that today, the Tuesday before Labor Day, is the most boring day of the Internet year. Seriously, what are we all even doing here? Let’s get the fuck out of here! There is nothing going on. Which is fine. There shouldn’t be. All the summer movies have opened, the new TV shows haven’t started yet, it’s your last week to pretend like summer is fun and breezy and not a damp, sweaty grind of lassitude and disappointment. So who wants to look at some blog? There is literally nothing going on right now. Here’s what’s going on, for an example, look at this story about how people at the Today show are mad at Matt Lauer:
Staffers and producers at the TODAY show hold Matt Lauer responsible for the continued decline in the ratings because they hold him responsible for Ann Curry being fired,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “The staff wants Ann to be brought back and want Matt replaced with Lester Holt, but they know the odds of this happening are slim to none, because executives at the network have no interaction whatsoever with the TODAY show staff.
Hahahah. OK! Great story. Someone with absolutely no power or decision-making-capacity at the Today show is mad about Anne Curry and it doesn’t matter at all. STOP THE PRESSES VIKI VALE. And that is honestly INTERESTING compared to whatever else is even not going on at all. I guess Gwyneth Paltrow is moving back to Los Angeles (sorry England). Want to talk about that? What do you guys want to talk about? The beach? We already talked about Mike on Breaking Bad. What else is there? Forget it. Throw your computer in the bath tub. UNSUBSCRIBE. (Image via Shutterstock.)
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Can we talk about The Secret Life Of The American Teenager? Because my wife has started watching that show on Netflix, and it is just such a weird, magnificent bastardization of television. You should all be watching it!
I watched the series premiere of that show! It left me dumbfounded. What I remember most is that they used to play sexy Latin music every time that one girl–who was playing a TEENAGER in HIGH SCHOOL–walked down the hallway. Oh my god, that show. It was like what would happen if a bunch of high schoolers wrote and directed their annual school play and a Hollywood Bigwig happened to be in the audience because his car broke down across the street and he said, “I’m going to make you kids famous! Bring this play to the small screen!”
It’s really just very weird. I have absolutely no idea who that show appeals to. The dialogue is insanely jilted and alien, the plot arcs and character actions make absolutely no sense, and they so-called “bad boy” is the worst example of the cliche I have ever seen. It’s so great!
Step 1: Drink every time some one says “sex”
Step 2: Goodnight.
I’m on it.
Bristol Palin was on it, ’nuff said.
The Bing Summer of Dong went by so quickly…
Hey, you guys know what’s kind of great? September. You still get to wear your summer clothes, the humidity drops, the beaches are less crowded…it’s like secret summer. It’s a vastly underrated month for childless adults.
If you’re talking about the first week/week-and-a-half of September, you are absolutely correct.
Oooh, also, also, you can start enjoying cool mornings and evenings and like, hoodies and stuff! No? Just me?
Also, we are fast approaching my favorite time of the year to drink beer. All the fall/winter ales and lagers that starting being released around now are usually my absolute favorites of the year. Seasonal beer is one of my favorite things. Did I mention I work in a brewery?
TLDR: BEER GOOD IN FALL.
Wow there’s some epic grammar fail in there. I’m so ashamed.
I had a pretty exciting morning in the real live world. There was a guy on the metro who looked like Clark Kent. He was in a nice suit with glasses reading a book and had black hair and blue eyes and was honestly the best looking human being I’ve ever seen in my life. Everyone in the car was staring at him. At one point he looked up and made eye contact with me and I almost passed out. I’ve never seen anything like him. I bet the poor guy never dates. Jennifer Connelly would be like “No thanks, that guy’s too good loking for me to stand near.” You couldn’t look directly at him for extended periods of time. You have to approach him sideways, as the glare head-on is too bright but you can’t bring yourself to turn your back on him.
He was kind of a looker, is what I’m saying.
Sorry, I’m married.
That was YOU staring at me like that?!
Okay, think hard fatima, because this is very important: What was he reading?
Early Edition.
Atlas Shrugged.
I’m so sorry. I was too lost in his eyes to notice. It was a novel, paperback. I think blue cover. Pretty sure it had words in it. Looked to be around 300 pgs or so.
i didn’t care about the today show story until i realized who lester holt is. i love that guy, he has a velvet voice!
Lester Holt!
Well, I just saw an old guys tooth fall out on the Price Is Right. Most boring day? I don’t think so, Gabe.
pics or it didnt happen
What about a video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZtxY5aPC6Q
i’m pretty sure that’s bob barker. he seems much happier in retirement.
We can always talk about Frasier.
FRASIERGUM. I am on board with this.
My computer is getting fixed, I wonder what the tech is going to think when he finds all season of frasier on my computer.
Well there is this:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021172109
(Stripclub Ads for the RNC)
Steven Moffat released three teaser words for the upcoming season of Sherlock: rat, wedding, bow. I’d try to think about which Sherlock Holmes stories these could refer to, but I’m too bored to really care.
… Too nerdy? Too nerdy. Doctor Who premiers soon! Dang, still too nerdy. Sorry, I got nothing.
Ooh, I like this game! Perhaps the wedding will be this one: http://sherlockholmes.wikia.com/wiki/The_Adventure_of_the_Noble_Bachelor
Unless they do something awful like have Sherlock marry Irene Adler, in which case I’m so sorry Benny and Marts but I’m out!
I’d think that if anyone got married, it’d be Watson, since there is textual basis for that, I’m still pulling for the Redheaded League.
I assume Bow will be His Final Bow, but would they end the series so soon? Time will tell.
I have no idea what Rat is. I am hoping they just air the Great Mouse Detective.
Ah! That would be great; I used to love the Great Mouse Detective so much! Though, I always got scared when *Spoiler* that peg-legged goblin bat thing jumped out of the cabinet.
Ohhhh “bow” as in the thing you do at the end of a play. I was thinking “bow” as in the thing you make with a ribbon, or perhaps the thing you shoot arrows with.
That’s exactly what Stephen Moffat would do…. (Stephen Moffat is not a very good writer and I live a solely Mark Gatiss appreciation life. Nerd Alert).
Have you seen the “Pond Life” shorts? I guess there’s going to be one every day.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00xwctd
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00xwj49
Yay! Thank you!!
How about this! For years we’ve been trying to get the youngest interested in Dr. Who. “Naaa” was his response. “But it’s really great! Packy loves it!” we’d say. So he goes off to college, and the other day he tells me “You know that Dr. Who is a really good show.”
I’m starting ours off early. She hasn’t made her debut into the world yet, but we’ve already got a TARDIS piggy bank for the nursery and I’m still looking for a fun print for the wall. “Bowties are cool” was my top pick if we were having a little boy.
The TODAY show is like this train wreck that’s not actually a train wreck. It’s a slow moving runaway train that’s headed for a desolate grassy area with no cliffs or mountains or trees. So watching this slow moving train reach it’s inevitable stop is just not that interesting. It’s just more stories about how your toothbrush has lots of germs on it.
Sorry, Gabe.
This made my grumpy, sleepy day so much better.
Did you see his speech at some college? It was great.
Sorry for the lack of specifics.
This
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/27/randy-lee-tenley-killed-bigfoot-sighting_n_1835127.html
Wait wait wait wait wait. He was hit by 2 cars, and they were driven by girls aged 15 and 17 respectively? Or did one of the cars have one 15 year old girl and one 17 year old girl in it? Can you drive a car on the highway at 15 in Montana? Is this article a hoax? I have many more questions than answers after reading that.
I think you can get the learner’s permit at 15? Sometimes that number goes down even more in more rural states.
I grew up in ND and I got my permit at 14. I think I only had to have it for 3 months before I could get a license.
Im so bored I’m just reading the wikipedia article for Vicky Vale now.
Now I’m watching Batdance by Prince when a million Vicky Vales come out.
link please.
go to the 3:40ish mark: https://vimeo.com/41100796
Oh. Wow.
V-V-V-Vicky Vale. Vicky Vale.
Even the front page of the Huffington Post, which usually has something absurd to roll your eyes at, is failing me. They’re dedicate to legalizing marijuana today I guess, which is the most boring and least lols topic to roll your eyes about ever. For or against.
Here is a list of Destiny’s Child Songs on Wikipedia, maybe you could make some fun Breaking Bad puns and stretch that into Tuesday.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Destiny%27s_Child_songs
I can’t believe nobody told me there were five versions of “Jumpin’, Jumpin’”. I know what I’m doing at lunch.
Um….I saw a larger-than-usual squirrel the other day. #Igotnothing
Please describe. Was it eating anything unusual or anything?
No, but it was sitting on my deck. Probably trying to watch the old seasons of Drag Race that I was streaming on netflix. Squirrels love RuPaul.
Squirrels: they’re just like us
Oooh Squirrel, you got shemail!
RuPaul is constantly referring to her squirrel friends so that makes sense.
(I tried to find a gif of this for like, 5 minutes.)
Also: yesterday my friend described Paris is Burning (A Gabe Delahaye favorite) as “like Rupaul’s Drag Race…but secret!” which I thought was genius.
This is more of an afternoon links thing than a slow internet day, but here is a video of a girl cosplaying as a St. Pauli girl (Is that a thing people do??) on her cooking show, and terribly trying to convince the audience she actually is German.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6hC_65mmx0&feature=plcp
My friend made a very funny series of shorts that are faux video dating ads from the 80s. One of the actors is the guy from
Drop Dead DivaMad Men.So I went to Mr. Coconuts last week with lizzzing and myfakeironlung, and it was great. And I had the opportunity (correction, and I forced the opportunity) to say hello to Gabe, and instead of saying anything of any consequence, I think I pat his arm or something and said “Good websitin’” dropped g and all.
What I meant to say was “Hey dude, thanks for, you know, making this website that has such a great community of people who I have gotten to know over time first via the internet and now in real life who are some of the kindest, most gracious, quality people I’ve ever met, and they have made my transition from Alabama to New York a smooth and enjoyable one, and gee thanks for having such a large impact on my life through creating this thing. Also your jokes were neat.”
But nope, instead “Good websitin’”
You had me at “Good websitin’”
Which is to say that I upvoted you MEGAFAST!
January 14 is my birthday
.