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I was browsing through recent new releases on Netflix today, and there are so many movies that are now out on DVD that seemed kind of interesting when they were in theaters that I just could not give an effffffff about now. What Just Happened?? Lars and the Real Girl? Who has time for this stuff? Both of those movies seemed like perfectly legitimate ways to spend two hours a few months ago, but not anymore. The world is changed, I can feel it in the water. At best, I would put them on my Netflix queue to fester unsent, only to be rediscovered two years later, hovering down in the 300s, where I’m like “Eagle Eye? I don’t even know what that is.” So, what happened?
The window closed on middle ground movies. CURSES!
There are so many classic movies that I have still never seen, and so many legitimate new releases that deserve an audience, that this middle-of-the-road stuff will never make it. You are the middle-of-the-road-could-go-either-way-and-I-kind-of-feel-like-if-you-were-at-all-worth-watching-someone-would-have-told-me-about-it-by-now-so-who-has-the-time link. Goodbye. Some of us are busy, you know. THESE ED HARDY T-SHIRTS AREN’T GOING TO ORGANIZE THEMSELVES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER OF PURCHASE.
You might complain that it’s this type of attitude that has forced the studios into shorter theatrical releases, making big marketing pushes for record opening week sales and pulling films from distribution quickly if they don’t perform. Thus the tendency towards horrible remakes and endless sequels, which have a built in audience that can be mobilized quickly, unlike a more thoughtful or original movie that might need explanation or at the very least time to find an audience. The studios then also ignore smaller films, forcing them to find a life on DVD. You might complain that. You might be right.
But seriously, who has time for these movies? Do you have time for them? Why do you have time for them? Shouldn’t you be busy Painting, Exercising, Playing Ping Pong, and Organizing Your Ed Hardy T-Shirts as we discussed? Let’s go, y’all!
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Bump Lars and the Real Girl up to the top of your queue. It is definitely worth the watch. Definitely thoughtful and original and Gosling’s performance is great!
Seconded, it is definitely above middle-ground.
Thirded. But i’ll bet you’ll hate it anyways.
Fourth’d. That’s one of my favorite movies.
I’ve put Bobby Jones Stroke of Genius on my queue at #30ish when I started netflix over three years ago. Now it’s at #57.
Lars and the Real Girl is weird like that. I saw the trailer and I was like “I would see that.” and then I saw it for 20 bucks at Virgin and was like “Sure why not.” And then I watched and was like “Well that was everything I was hoping would happen based on the trailer.” BUT SOMEHOW there is this lingering regret in my head. Like maybe if I DIDN’T see it I could’ve pretended that maybe it was the one that got away, and it was actually an AMAZING movie. I feel like I ruined it by waiting too long to go from ‘anticipation’ to actually seeing it.
ALSO, in my sophomore year in high school, my computer science teacher told me I’d like American Splender, and I was like “sure okay.” And then a few years later I saw it in a bargain bin and bought it. But I still haven’t watched it. That movie is 6 years old now. I’m kind of afraid to watch it. BUT ALSO, I feel constantly mentally taxed by it, like a salami slicing scheme, American Splender is slowly robbing me of hours of my life spent thinking “I still need to watch American Splender” which I could’ve probably recuperated by just watching it by now. But I will never watch it. Ever.
No offense, but you sound completely insane.
Thank you for putting amusing words to a feeling I’ve been having for some time. Eagle Eye is the perfect example, and I just returned Lars and the Real Girl to Netflix unwatched. I also have Mongol sitting around but I feel that is one I should view.
Gabe, you have to TRY HARDER. Do you think I wouldn’t excercise, paint and watch DVDs? I would. Let’s do this. Add all 100 new movies to your queue and we are going to do this, Gabe. Don’t be afraid of failure. Never give up!
Signed,
John Kilduff.
Or you could excercise and paint whilst watching Underclassman with Nick Cannon (which was in my house for six months before I returned it unwatched).
This post is valuable. Netflix has created the “returning a movie unwatched” guilt complex. I got a movie I was sure I wanted to see, and it sat on my dresser in its mocking red envelope for months. I think it was The Paper Chase. Everyone told me to see it. Everyone said it was great. Someone won an Oscar for a performance in it. But I couldn’t bring myself to watch it alone, and no one would watch it with me. That stupid movie cost me like $60 worth of Netflix value! Now it’s on my instant queue! IT STILL MOCKS ME.
Just today I returned 2 movies to Netflix that sat on my tv for 2 months & never got watched. I just don’t have time to watch mediocre stuff (or stuff that in my mind might be mediocre). And just like Gabe, I have tons of movies that were big or “big” releases that are sitting at the bottom of the queue getting pushed down further & further. Besides, I have too much tv I have to catch up on on the DVR.
Eagle Eye is Die Hard 4 and iRobot’s abortion.
Watch it only for the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time.
Oh Gabe, you break my heart. Placing Lars and the Real Girl in the same category as Eagle Eye? Lars is beautiful. Eagle Eye is the worst.
Eagle Eye is terrible and has a now-hilarious scene where backstory is explained in the middle of a Circuit City in a hugely blatant product placement scene.
IN A CIRCUIT CITY, THE ELECTRONICS STORE THAT CLOSED DUE TO BANKRUPTCY BECAUSE THEY PAID TOO MUCH MONEY FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT IN EAGLE EYE.
This is why my Netflix is on hiatus right now. I got a crazy deal on all the premium channels, so here and there I’m catching up with movies that way.
You’re right about What Just Happened?. Terrible, made the mistake of adding it and subsequently watching it. A movie with Sean Penn and Bruce Willis as themselves, why not? Catherine Keener and Robert DeNiro? Great… right? Wrong. Keep with the classics or catching up on TV series. BTW, did you know they’ve got ALF on Hulu? Who needs Netflix?
That information just robbed me of many productive hours.