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Hi. How are you? I’m really, really great. Thanks so much for asking. Anyway, my name is Dave Hill and- as hinted at in the title of this posting- I am totally going to guest edit the fuck out of Videogum today. I realize that- this being the Internet and all- there are some of you who might already be familiar with me. Also, I am really, really famous and also extremely wealthy (a fact that has afforded me the luxury to- after lengthy and heated negotiations during which everyone involved stormed out of the room at least once- agree to do this today ENTIRELY FREE OF CHARGE).
With the introductions and formalities out of the way, I just wanted to say that I am really, really excited to be doing this, not only because Gabe said I wouldn’t have to put pants on at any point during this process, but also because he said it was totally fine if I used the F word, which is to say the fuck word, which- in turn- is to say the best word. At least I think he did (and Gabe, if you didn’t, I’m really sorry about everything so far. This is really showing a lack of professionalism on my part to say the least. I know- not cool). Furthermore, Videogum is all about movies, TV, and Internet stuff. I have seen movies (like, a bunch of them, even), I own a television (state of the art 1994 and I STILL have the remote, thank you), and I have been on the Internet since roughly 1998 (I mean, not the whole time since then, but that’s when they started letting me on the computers at the library unattended). In short, I was basically born to do this, as I will undoubtedly demonstrate like a motherfucker up until that point later in the day when they tell me I can stop and get back to just sitting here in my underwear without all the clickety-clackety of this damn laptop (which- for the record- gets so, so hot sometimes when you’re not wearing pants. What about my children?) going on.
Okay, I need to stop typing now so I can get back to plotting and planning my next post, one filled with substance, profanity, and- I am hoping- some of the classiest dick jokes you’ve ever read. In the meantime, please watch this message from one of my many, many corporate sponsors above. Since Gabe said I couldn’t collect all of the ad revenues that come in today (something that my friend Phil and I thought to be TOTALLY REASONABLE), I have been forced to offset the costs (e.g. Funyuns) of my personal operation by other means.
Still street,
Dave Hill
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Welcome, Dave! I saw you do a set at Mr. Coconuts a few months back. It was a good set! I hope you brought your guitar today.
Thanks, R2D2! And yes, I am surrounded by axes as I type this.
thanks for fucking joining us today!
Thank you for fucking reading this today!
Hi Dave! Your book was great! I went to Fordham too! Sorry we missed each other!
Thanks, Cleovalentine! And go Rams!
Thank God! I’ve been waiting for someone who could tell me where I could get 300 pounds of meat.
Thank God! I’ve been waiting for Gabe to turn the keys over to someone who could tell me where I could find 300 pounds of meat.
Also, v-gum is kind of messing with me today, so I hope this doesn’t get posted twice.
Oh yeah, I HAVE heard of you. And I know all about how you got to be both rich AND famous:
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/beach-364603-bank-robbery.html
I didn’t do nothing!
F@#k yeah !
I don’t this particular Dave, but i know these.. (sorry, don’t know how to put up a link… somebody help me)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b-N28eG2go
MOBFD’s commenting tips.
merci !
These are pretty sweet Daves too!
Any relation to Benny Hill? (Ha! good one.)
I was gonna ask about Jonah Hill.
He’s actually Cypress’s brother (Ha! Worse one.)
It is now that I have heard everything!
based on your picture, i read that whole post with a british accent.
Nah, you gotta use a Cleveland accent!
Hi Dave! I love your contributions to Put This On! Also, your book is terrific!
Thank you!
DAVE! YOU best not go AND FUCK UP now. YOU LOOK nervous.
ALSO YOU don’t have TO FUCKING censor FUCK, DOG. THIS is America’s INTERNET. ENJOY THE freedom!
Fuck yeah, I dont!
You have kind of a Pierce Brosnan thing going on there. Must be the facial expression:
(Too soon to use a shot from a February 2011 post from this site?)
I get that a lot. A. LOT.
You should hook up with Kristen Stewart, Dave. I hear she’s single now. (Also, welcome! I actually do cherish the f word in a totally mature way.)
That seems like a great idea. Can you have her email?