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YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED IN A SWIMMING POOL AND LIVE IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE OCEAN! The two of you were clearly made for each other. Kiss! Kiss! Did you read the part where his mom says that he only has one night stands because he doesn’t have time for a relationship? That means the window is wide open AND that you’re going to love your mother-in-law so much. Let’s go shopping together! You know this is weird, but she’s, like, your best friend in a lot of ways. Ryan Lochte and you sitting in a pool k-i-s-s-i-n-cool.
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Sorry, he can’t be my boyfriend, because that would mean we’re in a homosexual relationship, and my other boyfriend, Mick Huckabee, is against that.
Ryan Lochte’s so dumb, he thinks freestyle is a sex position.
Ryan Lochte’s so dumb, he thinks doggystyle is a swimming stroke.
breaststroke is, though
Ryan Lochte’s so dumb, he doesn’t think that the breaststroke is a sex position OR a swimming stroke!
Ryan Lochte’s so dumb, he thinks the Australian Crawl is what babies with accents do.
Ryan Lochte’s so dumb, when he heard Nabokov was a lepidopterist, he decided to read Pnin, because he figured they had a lot in common.
100% of the upvotes that this comment gets will be from people pretending to understand it.
that’s what’s called the Faulkner factor.
Ha! I put an embarrassing amount of effort into pretending I understood Faulker in my youth.
It’s funny because he should have read Speak, Memory instead! LULZ
Ain’t that some sorta butterfly?
The only time he sounded remotely sure about any of his answers was when he said he wanted to be a fashion designer.
Ryan Lochte’s Twitter account deserves all the Olympic medals
My money’s on Sam Jackson.
He is the best!
I mean, I’m not gonna say that the University of Florida has nothing going for it other than sports, but this guy is going to college there.
HAHA! As a native Floridian who intentionally did not even apply to UF, and who attended one of my state’s many other fine institutions of higher learning: HIGH FIVE.
I’ll say it. University of Florida is for dumb dumbs.
You are the wind beneath my wings, badideajeans!
swim, forrest, swim!
This is my favorite comment in, like, a month.
I am not sure why this makes him hotter to me. Is this the gay-male equivalent of finding a bimbo hot?
You’re gay?!
i know i HARDLY mention it, but yes!
Haha. Hard. Even when you’re NOT mentioning it, you’re mentioning it!
so meta
You’re like the Community of commenters.
Man is my boyfriend kind of a dummy!
NBD if my boyfriend is a little slow on the uptake. It’s not like he’s answering questions while we’re doing it in a pool like merpeople or anything.
How do merpeople do it, exactly?
Facetaco, you are opening up a door that I don’t think you want to go down. Because I just have this feeling that there are people out there who have done just as much thinking and theorizing about how merpeople do it as Ryan North has spent thinking and theorizing about Back to the Future. For reference see: Mermaids: The Body Found
Not even gonna click on that thing. I’ll take your word on it.
Haha, that’s actually a link to the website for a “docufiction film” Animal Planet aired a couple months ago and that I highly recommend everyone watch. Some words they throw around a lot are “Aquatic Ape Theory,” “the Bloop,” and “covert government sonar testing.” There is also a “dramatic imagining” of how the “aquatic ape humanoids” might live. Including a scene where a merman heroically sacrifices himself to a giant dinosaur shark to save his merfamily. IT IS PERFECT.
Is that the documentary that led to so many people calling the NOAA that they had to make a public statement saying that as far as they know, mermaids don’t and have never existed?
Because, (sorry Taylor Swift) that was the best news story of all time.
YES! This is the one!
Oh dear, I have to show this to my mother who thinks “Ryan Lochte is so adorable even if he did go to UF.”
Oh my God, he is the human equivalent of Chester from Sifl and Olly
He is going to have a great life. Not because of the Olympics, but because stupid pretty people are usually really happy deep down inside.
I’ll bet a million dollars he has kids by 25 and a locked-down multi-million dollar deall as a sports commentator with a network by 27.
I’m going to go look up dysthymia and its correlation to spinsterism now.
He’s already 27!
Well then his deals will be moving into play after these Olympics (he’ll do well in the L.A. market, seriously) and some lady will come out soon to say she has been raising his kid for awhile. Or he’ll have kids within 3 years. Either way, he’ll be locked in and breeding in a few years.
The problem with all those clips is that he has his shirt on. Show me a super cut of him with no shirt on and it’s a whole different story. Seriously, show it to me. Will someone please make that super cut?
I’ve been all about this amazing, dumb man for quite awhile now. That interview where he talked about the things he likes to draw (“I’ll draw like a cloud, but instead of coming down the rain is raining up”) sealed the deal. He’s basically a human golden retriever puppy!
Holy shit. Is this real? Is there a link to this?
I can think of another reason he only has one night stands… (It’s that he’s hot but dumb, guys.)
This is correct.
I immediatly lost interest when the pretty lady laughed at him right off for not knowing 7×4.
Is it just me or does he have the cadences of Walt Jr?