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Hey, so you know the rumor — like, the BIG rumor? I mean, I guess a more direct question would be: Have you talked to anyone lately? On gchat or even in person, if possible? If so you’ve probably heard the news that Emma Watson was most likely going to be cast in the girl role of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie adaptation. AHHHHHHHH, right? I know! OUR DREAM COME TRUE! An actress from when she was a baby in Harry Potter in the role of a girl in a sex movie based on a fad book for older women! “I thought science DIDN’T know how to produce reality from eyelash wishes yet,” we all thought. And unfortunately I am here to report that science apparently does NOT. From EW:
The Internet got all sorts of excited last week when rumors began to surface that Emma Watson was in talks for the role of Anastasia Steele in the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. Not so fast, says Watson. “I haven’t read the book, I haven’t a read a script, nothing,” Watson tells EW. “There are so many movies you become attached to when I’ve literally never even received a phone call. It was the same way with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo – I never even saw a script!”
HASN’T EVEN READ THE BOOK? NEVER SAW A SCRIPT FOR GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO? It’s like you can’t believe anything you read on websites anymore these days. I’m so sorry about having to break the news to you like this, but here are some other rumors to hold you over — each about as true as the rumor you just lost. “Emma Watson To Play Ms. Santa In Bad Santa 2.” “Emma Watson To Play ‘Expert’ In Rush Hour 4.” “Emma Watson To Take Break, Focus On Family.” “Emma Watson Tapped For Swann’s Way 3D Adaptation.” DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? I hope so. Try to have a good afternoon if possible! I’m so sorry, again!
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Who cares about that? I just want to know if she’s DTF!
Oh wait, that was a different Emma. You guys, I just cannot keep all these white women apart.
That’s racist.
Haha! Who down-voted you? Do NOT mess with the Potter Monsters!
I think Gabe already established that some time back:
http://videogum.com/196212/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-hallows-part-1-is-our-generations-bethenny-getting-married/movies/trailer/comment-page-1/#comment-7547351
I thought I was losing my mind… Glad I wasn’t the only one who saw the Emma event horizon.
More like 50 Shades of Naysaying.
Yes, but what does her inner goddess think about this?
Her inner goddess is too busy having a million billion magical, penetration only orgasms.
You’re not going to get enough upvotes for this since only the ladies will get this, but I would give you 50 (shades of) upvotes if I could.
TOWANDA!!!!! /Emma Watson crashes flying broom into Rooney Mara’s car.
Has anyone seriously read this thing? I read part of it out of curiosity, and it has to have some of the worst writing I’ve ever encountered. It’s kind of incredible.
Same here. It’s breathtaking. Softcore porn with sex scenes as imagined by a 40-year-old virgin who has the writing skills of a precocious pre-teen.
Yeah, I mean when it’s classified as porn I get it, but I’ve had people try to sell me the “No, but it’s a great story, really!’ which, in a way, is great.
Now housewives and the like have their very own “but I read Playboy for the articles!” excuse.
I have not read it, but this review told me everything I needed (“needed”) to know. It has .gifs! We love .gifs!
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215
See also: http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/the-15-bestworst-lines-from-erotic-bestseller-fif
AHAHAHAHAHA oh god, no, no nonononononono. JEEZ, I AM A QUIVERING MOIST MESS is not a phrase that should ever be used.
Anything that starts with a Mary Cherry gif is a-okay with me!!!!
http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/ Also great.
I have read enough of it to know how awful the writing is (and how it’s mostly funny but sometimes creepy), but I know a (male) Ph.D. candidate for neuroscience who LOVES it. He writes stuff like, “Don’t knock it until you try it!” about it on Facebook.
A very nice an enterprising soul made a PDF version of the original Twihard fanfiction version before the publisher tried to scrub it from the internet, so if anyone wants to read an even more ridiculous version, have at it: http://www.4shared.com/office/Kts4mD_-/Master_Of_The_Universe_I__II.htm
Version.
it is the most abominable fucking writing i have ever seen, and the story is just as bad. i feel very sad that people actually want to read TWILIGHT FANFICTION to feel sexy or something. i guess this is what happens when people pretend that sexuality is some sacred bullshit and not just a normal part of themselves.
The term “Inner goddess” is used 58 TIMES in the first book alone? Holy crap!
Another male masseuse claims Watson groped him!
I am getting seriously concerned that there is some sort of photographer conspiracy to make celebrities do ridiculous things with their hands.
This is cute. Do you not realize photographers have been having celebrities do ridiculous/weird/nightmare things with all types of body parts/objects/fruit for years now?
I don’t know what you’re talking about
http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQY3QmQR7oSCFWSmNj0-GswNMh-wD6z5JdWFFUX6bZ-hgd04uUHNA
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Rhianna = KNOWN ILLUMINATI.
Emma Watson is clearly making the triangle image in this photo to show her interest in the Illuminati. It’s not the photographers. Not. At. All.
Brendan Fraser applauds your deductive skills in figuring out the conspiracy.
Accio rumormill!
Though based on the picture, it surely looks like she’s been rehearsing that crazy wild peep-through-an-asshole s&m sex thingy.
Lorelei Gilmore is Mrs. Santa’s Sister, so the role of Ms. Santa should be up for grabs. #fingerscrossed
Emma Watson in Tyler Perry’s House of Potter
wait, the main character’s name is ANASTASIA STEELE???????
Ha yup. An incredible porn name if I’ve ever heard one.