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Life is short. One day we’ll all wake up and we’ll be 130 years old and we’ll think, “Where did all the time go?” “How much life did I waste, exactly, not going back re-doing the events in my life that, the first time around, were totally fine if not pretty good, actually?” And we’ll sit in our moon beds waiting, wondering, and decaying, but the sad truth will be that we’ll never know. We’ll never know how much more fun we could’ve had if we went back to our high schools and got our diplomas for the second and third times. How much better those third and fourth first kisses would’ve been. How much more special to watch our children walk for the first time, the second time. But one person out there will know. And that person is the movie Jumanji. From Shortlist
With Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Bodyguard both in the firing line, it’s just been announced that Jumanji will also be getting a modern update. The evil board game adventure with Robin Williams and a very young Kirsten Dunst will be receiving a reboot, according to a Sony executive.
“We’re going to try and reimagine Jumanji and update it for the present,” Doug Belgrad told The Hollywood Reporter. What this means isn’t yet clear although, considering our temporary phobia of board games post-release, there’s plenty of potential.
“Going to try,” Doug Belgrad, Sony executive? “GOING TO TRY”? Give me a break with that defeatist bologna. Here’s a reimagining of Jumanji updated for the present, and I’m not even going to try and it’s going to be perfect: “Jumanji is a video game.” BOOM. Nerds find the board game buried in sand somewhere and develop it into a video game and then everything happens in the same way as the first Jumanji except the tone is darker and the colors are more saturated. Are we done here, Doug Belgrad? Can we please hurry up with this Jumanji reboot? #YOLHMTHDTMAMTEHASBTWIOOIBSNYCOOMAEOYSLSALFRFTLYOKBTTIATYARD* (Thanks for the tip, Wettrew!)
*You only live however many times Hollywood decides to remake a movie that everyone has already seen because the world is out of ideas but somehow not yet completely out of money, and each of your subsequent lives seems a little farther removed from the life you once knew, because the truth is actually that you are rapidly dying.
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I call dibs on the Psycho reboot. Not the Hitchcock one, the Van Sant one. It’s a license to print money!
Can you hurry up and finish production? I’m ready to wrap up my reboot of your reboot, and if mine comes out first, that’s only going to confuse people.
Didn’t Gus Van Sant just do a remake of that? Scene-for-scene? But you know what? Yours would probably be better so do it.
Gus Van Sant did a remake of his own remake???
His vanity know no bounds. Oddly it also stars Robin Williams a very young Dunst.
“Evil board game?” Hogwash! When are we ever given any indication that the game was evil? I would call it Chaotic Neutral.
+1 Charisma for this comment.
Didn’t John Favreau remake Jumanji already? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406375/
That was based on a book, which was written by the same guy who wrote Jumanji. Apparently the dude had a book deal for two books, and only one idea.
Instead of rebooting it they just need to go the George Lucas route and “update” the CGI in the original and then release it on Bluray for a million dollars.
Van Pelt shot first
Then they could remove all the CGI animals and just have stuff randomly being knocked over or crushed.
Poltermanji.
I’d watch that.
2manji.
Deuxmanji
Jaman3.
Jumanjis
Jumanji 2: Electric Boogaloo
NewManji
Hopefully Sony can cast Emma Stone to play Kirsten Dunst
Let he who casts the first Stone…
I loved Jumanji when I saw it as a kid, and I was pretty disappointed in the tie-in board game I made my parents buy for me after. I’m not sure what I was expecting.