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The final three, Hosea, Carla, and Stefan, get onto a riverboat for what looks like an unbearably cold brunch on the lonely deck of a tourist trap. They made it! On top of the world! Hosea is dressed like a total thumbhead, of course. He should stop trying to be a chef and start trying to be the CEO of Wilson’s Leather. He interviews that “if there was ever do or die in this competition, this is it.” They’ve been saying that shit for the past six episodes, and still no one has died. What’s the point of having rules if you’re not going to enforce them (via execution)?
Out on the chill deck for ice brunch, Hosea says that he has the most to prove because both Carla and Stefan already own their own businesses. That’s probably true. For example, he has yet to prove to anyone that he recognizes that his chin beard was a mistake.
ENOUGH OF THIS THUMB TALK, LET’S GET TO THE CHALLENGE.
In traditional Top Chef finale style, the chefs will each prepare a three-course meal. That’s it. They must simply prepare the best food they can. But they’ll have some help. Casey, Marcel, and Richard Blaise are BACK! THE BLAISEMAN! THE BLAISEONATOR! BLAISE OF OUR LIVES!
In order to see who is teamed up with whom, they draw knives. Carla gets to draw her knife first because she won the last elimination challenge? That is not really a very good prize. “Carla, because you won the second to last elimination challenge of the entire season, you can test your luck with this game of chance.” ADVANTAGE FAIL. She draws “3″. So, Hosea takes the BLAISETRONIC-5000. Smart. Stefan takes Marcel, who he then proceeds to call a bit of a twat. So it just goes to show, you can say twat on TV. And Carla gets Casey. She also gets Casey’s fake tan.
Casey, there is something wrong with your skin. Or at least something 
with it.
Hosea is a “flavor junkie.” He is always sitting on the dirty floor of a run down flavor house shooting flavor into his veins and stealing money out of his mom’s purse for more flavor. One time he tied himself to a tree and told his best friend not to untie him no matter how much he begged for more flavor, but of course one week later he was rubbing flavor into his gums.
In one of those stupid interstitial moments they’ve been working in all season to add an extra block of advertisements, the chefs meet with a fortune teller who reads their future in chicken bones. You know who else meets with a fortune teller to have their futures read in chicken bones? The cast of I Love Money 2. Just in case the fact that this is a show about people with genuine talent working hard to prove themselves in a meritocratic competition with relatively high aesthetic standards made you forget that you were watching reality TV, and that reality TV is ridiculous.
Now for the twist! There will be a fourth course. An hors d’oeuvre using one of three traditional New Orleans ingredients: red fish, crab, and alligator. In order to choose the proteins, they will eat a king cake. Hosea gets the baby.
Relax, Hosea. We already hate you. He takes red fish and gives Stefan alligator. Nice try, though, sir-thumbs-a-lot. Stefan is like BOOM, ALLIGATOR SOUP. See, it helps to actually know how to cook. That’s the thing Hosea never quite understood. (That and how to shave.)
Meanwhile, Casey is slowly tearing Carla apart. First she suggests that Carla cook her sirloin using sous-vide, a technique Carla has never done before, and then she tells her to make a souffle instead of a tart for her dessert. Hey Casey, why don’t you go work on painting your skin with fake tan some more and leave the cooking to the chefs who aren’t a symbol of failure. Unbelievable, the balls on this woman. The tan, orange balls.
Everyone loved Fabio so much that they brought him back as a guest judge for the finale? Sure. I mean, it’s only a matter of time before he gets his own show anyway, right? Baby stepz. And it is true that Fabio a-know a-what these a-chefs is capable of do. Besides, Branford Marsalis is also a guest judge, so it’s not like there’s any kind of standard or logic.
The judges agree that Hosea’s surprise red fish hors d’oeuvre is a knock out. Later, at judges table, Gail asks if he’s cooked red fish before and he says “maybe once.” Man, I cannot wait to go to Hosea’s SEAFOOD RESTAURANT. This whole season has just opened my eyes to how working at a seafood restaurant doesn’t actually mean ever having cooked any kind of fish or seafood ever. You spend most of your time perfecting your thumbbeard.
For the TWSS Archives:
Everyone’s meals turn out pretty well, except for Carla. Carla bombs the whole thing. Because of Casey. Well played, Casey. You are the only contestant to have lost two seasons of Top Chef. Because we all know that Carla didn’t really lose. Not on her own. At judges table, Carla starts to cry, and the judges look genuinely heartbroken, because everyone knows that she’s automatically out of the running, but also that she’s only out of the running because of Casey Tanffleck. I wasn’t the biggest Carla fan this season, but she definitely grew on me.
GOODBYE SWEET CARLA! You may not be Top Chef, but you are Top Lovable Infectiously-Enthusiastic Turtle Eyed Spirit Warrior, and that counts for a lot.
It comes down to Hosea and Stefan. Which explains why the editors have gone to such exaggerated lengths all season to pump up this bitter feud between them that never seemed that bitter. It’s hard to take a feud too seriously when it is so clear who is the superior warrior. It’s important to remember that this is Top Chef. Not Top Thumbhead.
Except that it IS Top Thumbhead. Hosea wins. Ugh. Do you know how many hours I put into watching this show? Only to have this be the result? It is the most unsatisfying, anti-climactic ending possible. The only way this could have been worse is if they brought Eugene back at the last second and made him Top Chef. Even the fact that Hosea only won because he had THE BLAISE at his back, BLAISEING THE TRAIL for his victory, is small comfort.
It’s like Crash winning the Oscars all over again. The end.
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Ugh, I haven’t been this annoyed over a reality show since Chef Besh lost The Next Iron Chef (I might have been the only person to watch that show). Poor Carla
Also, I like how Hosea make a big deal about being a flavor junkie. Because all other cooks hate flavor.
There was a point last night at Judges Table where someone (probably Padma) said “If we’re going to judge by heart, we should put Carla back in the running”
That would have been SUCH good foreshadowing…..but it didn’t shadow anything…fore. I was bummed. Hosea was on the bottom the second episode and ALMOST went home. He should have gone home. The end. I would have prefered notch-face (I forget his name) winning.
Lame top chef…lame.
It was Toby that said that! He totally got himself into my good graces last night with that comment and actually using LOGIC and wanting Stefan to win!
It was the British critic that said that! Don’t give Padma credit where it is not deserved! Padma’s the one that said, “So, I guess we all can agree that Carla is out.”
Sorry, I tried to forget about Toby’s existence, but you are correct. Padma is le bitch.
Stefan didn’t win. This is officially top
Somebody needs to give Carla a show. I’m going to miss my weekly dose of wacky.
they’ve made a huge mistake.
I was rooting for “anyone-but-Stefan” honestly. I was all over Carla, and was totally fond of Hosea.
Hosea is the worst. The End.
I was so ready for this season of Top Chef to be my favorite, what with all the Team Euro, and Fabio, and Stefan, and Fabio with his ridiculous metaphors, and Stefan with his silly round head . . . alas, Thumbhead won, and that made it THE WORST. Ugh.
Even though we get the episodes later here in Canada, I still read the recaps just so I know what I’m in for…but this?! Thumb won?!!1!!11?1!! (The ones show how furious I am in internet.)
I miss hootie hoo.
I live in Canada too and you could have been watching on the Food Network Wednesdays at 9. I guess that’s basically useless info at this point, but hey, there’s always next season.
Ah! I wish I could select more than one person to reply at the same time at times like this. Seriously? Damn. All along I was catching it on Food on Sat thinking that was the real time. Ah well, still boo on the Thumb win.
I’m in Montreal, I and watched the finale last night on the Food Channel. There used to be a delay, but not this season.
I was an anyone but Stefan partisan. As a waiter, I get the definite asshole chef vibe from him.
The minute I heard Sous vide I knew Carla was losing…(((
thumbs down
I’m comforted to know I’m among other Hosea haters. Could his little victory question-and-answer song have been more irritating? No it could not.
I have never heard anyone express anything but rage at king of all that is mediocre, Hosea. There were at LEAST five or six chefs better than Thumbhead kicked off in recent episodes.
Seriously Top Chef, what is thissss? Is it so people will not review the show and say it was expected, or something? Because unexpected things are not always great. Meritocracy fail.
So make it up to us: Fabio & Carla get their own show. Now.
Sad that Carla could have taken this whole thing had she not fucked both herself and her 3rd and 4th courses by listening to Casey. And so we learn again that slow and poorly groomed wins the race. I has a
Hosea has gross teeth, and his beard is gross too. Bad judgement..
I like the fact that Stefan was bit of a twat, he should have won.
how could bravo give tabitha a spinoff of “top boring” and not give fabio a show? i look forward to watching “make-a me an italiano”
Hosea won. So what? Carla and Stefan got a 12 hour long ad about their superior culinary talent., which will probably lead to some nice job offers. Hosea will open a seafood restaurant that doesn’t serve fish.
I completely agree with the first commenter in that Hosea is an indiot when he says that he’s a flavor junkie – and I guess when he’s not saying that either. As my mother likes to say regarding Hosea, “He’s such a fucking wimp.” She really does say that. To be honest, I didn’t know who won until just now because when Padma said “Carla’s out, duh duh duh duh”, I shut the TV off and cried myself to sleep.
Take a deep breath, people. The show is called “Top Chef,” which would lead one to believe its purpose is to identify the best chef. But it insists on evaluating people on a week-to-week basis. That is inherently nonsensical. If Chef A does just enough to stick around for 15 weeks and chef B wins the first 15 weeks, the rules of the show dictate that they’re on equal playing ground for the 16th week, and that Chef B is no better than Chef A. I don’t understand how people can get worked up about something that is so fundamentally flawed. The entire show doesn’t make sense. Why would the results?
by the time the field was narrowed to three – i didn’t feel like i had a horse in the finale. so i was fine with hosea winning. actually, i liked it because it was unexpected. an odd sensation but i found the finale immensely satisfying not because of who won but who lost.
yes, stefan could cook everybody under the table with one arm tied behind his back. but he was douche. and i take the judges’ word for it that his food lacked heart. he was impossible to root for. like tom said at one point – if you’re gonna be cocky, your food better deliver. and was far from infallible.
if the show was called MOST TECHNICALLY PROFICIENT CHEF, then stefan would have nailed it. but he couldn’t prevent his miserable energy from leeching into his dishes. so glad to see bravo’s best villain yet go down! pack your knives bro…
No, you’re wrong. Stefan was not a douche, nor was he a villain. Was he cocky and arrogant and a bit of a jerk sometimes? Sure, but he was also the best cook. Obviously. He cooked a fucking ALLIGATOR perfectly on his first try, and Hosea couldn’t put together a simple dessert! This wasn’t Top Competent at Everything but Desserts Because Those Are Hard, Bro!
Oh, and remember when Carla started crying, and Stefan was the one to reach around Hosea’s massive thumbface body and giver her a hug, because Hosea was too busy thinking “I’ve totally got this in the bag! The Top Chef title! Who’s gonna win? Oh yeah, ME, Hosea! Not Stefan!” Stefan was quite a thoughtful villain!
Hosea. Ugh.
i actually like that aspect of the bravo competition shows – anyone can go home at any time. i think part of being top chef (or runway) is that you’re consistent enough never to have been the worst on any given week. and a contestant’s “story” as it evolves across the season does factor in – it just doesn’t count as much as the food on the plate in front of the judges…
Butz, I’m not saying that the set up of the show makes it a bad show. I watched it and enjoyed it. I’m simply saying that people shouldn’t get so worked up over who wins or loses, because the setup of the show dictates that the “top chef” (as in best chef) may not necessarily win. Hosea won because he didn’t mess up as badly as someone else in any given week. You can’t get mad at him for winning. The rules allow that person to be the winner. I guess what I’m saying is, actually, for the first time in my life, “Don’t hate the player-hate the game.”
It was Carla’s to lose and she blew it. Stefan & Hosea were neck and neck for title of Top Douche and the producers learned their lesson with Hung. Casey wins Top Poison.
CARLA 4 FAN FAVE!!!!!!!!!
Hosea is the Taylor Hicks of ‘Top Chef’.
I’m not sure if this has been stated before (probably was last season), but how much does Richard Blaise look like Jim Breuer!?! I guess that’s why Gabe called him “THE BLAISEMAN! THE BLAISEONATOR! BLAISE OF OUR LIVES!”
From Tom Colicchio?s blog,
?Fabio was very gracious in defeat, though, and I will share with you that the following morning, I had a chance to spend a little time with Fabio, and I learned that he has a lot of exciting developments happening professionally. This is a man who by the age of thirty had run and sold several successful restaurants in Italy, come to the U.S. and created great opportunity for himself. Without spilling the beans prematurely, I?ll say only that we all have not heard the last from Fabio ??
Yay Fabio!
I have no problem with Hosea winning. It was Stefan’s compettion to lose, and he lost it by not making the “best” 3 course meal in the finale, end of story. Suck it up sore losers.
carla made carla fail. spineless.
The two things that I learned while watching “Top Chef” this season are (1) if I am ever on a reality competition show, I should not give my friends and myself a douchey team name (“Team Rainbow,” “Team Europe”) because, well, obviously; and (2) you can say “twat” on Bravo and no one will censor it. That last item puts the first season of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” into a whole new perspective for me. I had just assumed that all the “twats” had been edited out of that show. Go figure.
I’m digging this pro Stefan consensus. Hosea wears full length pyjamas to bed.