Remember when Jeremy Piven backed out of the Broadway play he was in because he claimed that there was too much mercury in his bloodstream because he ate too much sushi? Surely you remember this. It has been a national joke since then. Everyone’s been like “maybe he ate too many that’s ridiculous with avocado maki.” That’s just one example of the kind of joke that has been told. I’ve heard that one a lot. Anyway, apparently now he has to go to Actor Court, which is a thing that exists, and defend himself as if he wasn’t so obviously lying all along because he’s a brat and he missed taking hot tubs with Adrian Grenier. From the NY Post:

JEREMY PIVEN is on the hook. He goes before the grievance committee of Actors’ Equity tomorrow to defend his much-snickered-at claim that high levels of mercury in his bloodstream, brought on by a passion for sushi, forced him to abandon the Broadway revival of David Mamet’s “Speed-the-Plow.”

“It’s my understanding that he’ll be there – unless he has too much sushi on the plane from LA,” joked a person involved in the proceedings.

The producers of “Speed-the-Plow” brought Piven up on charges with Equity, arguing that his abrupt departure in December from the $3.5 million production wreaked havoc with their recoupment schedule.

Piven will appear before a committee of five actors and five producers. He is expected to brandish the results of a blood test given to him by his doctor, and will likely give a blow-by-blow account of his illness during the show.

Actor Court! I didn’t know that Actor Court existed but I am so glad that it does. Although, if Actor Court exists, why hasn’t anyone Actor Sued Brendan Fraser, or the entire cast of Rockville, CA. What a total waste of a perfectly good Actor Court. “Objection, Horatio!” Shit like that. Everyone quoting their two-sentence walk on role from Law and Order SVU. Actor Court is intense. Probably.

What is Jeremy Piven going to say, anyway? “Your honors, I just love putting protein in my mouth.” He is a clown. I hope Jeremy Piven goes to Actor Jail and serves five years of Hard Acting. And more jokes like that.