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You know how nightclubs, no matter how many you go to, like, even if you go to a hundred, just never seem to hit the mark? Even if you go to a million, none of them feel like a place for YOU. Like, for instance, why do nightclubs almost never have nude paintings of Avatar characters on the wall? You know? It’s not like every nightclub has to have that, it’s just weird that you see it basically never. And, like, VERY RARELY do the bar countertops ever have an interactive display with lasers that reminds you of Avatar in a way that’s not totally explainable, but, like, you get it. Right? And they definitely never have optic fiber chandeliers, for an Avatar feel. You have to wonder, like — who are they even making these nightclubs for? Don’t they want customers? Or do they just want to be alone in their bullshit nightclub all the time by themselves because no one wants to go to it because it’s terrible and doesn’t appeal to anyone? Well, throw all those thoughts out the window and throw on some blue face paint or whatever and check out AVASTAR!
So, to recap, this nightclub has:
- Flame throwers
- Over 8 laser lights
- Moving headlights
- LED shows
- Confetti machines
- Fogger machines
- Optic fiber chandeliers
- Everything
- Ladies have to be nice to you if you bring them an Avastar Cocktail
- Smoking area
- Nonsmoking area
- DJs with nicknames
- Interactive bar counters
- Counters with lasers
- International DJs
- International celebrity guests (on a monthly basis)
- No 21 or 22 year old dudes
WHY AREN’T YOU THERE YET YOU IDIOT I’LL MEET YOU THERE, BRING YOUR AVATAR COSTUME! (Thanks for the tip, Steve!)
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Stop. Just…stop. You had me at flame throwers.
Jerry Maguire in theaters summer 2012.
I’ve always wondered why there weren’t more open flames around booze-soaked revelers. Society’s loss THUS FAR, see you at Avastar in 10 minutes!
Dammit why didn’t I come up with this idea?
-Jean Ralphio
Just scroll up thru these instead of down. I had a plan and completely did it backwards.
(1). Gabe, you forgot on your list “vaguely defined and actually pretty racist Magical Native American stereotypes”.
(2). Also, this is the place where budding nightclub entrepeneurs can pitch ideas about a club called WeSTARos to me.
Aw damnit, I mean Kelly. Sorry.
I’ve missed you.
King’s Landing’s hottest nightclub is WeSTARos. It has everything: whores, murders, Arbour Gold wine, bears with maidens fair, dwarves, trial by combat, more whores, fireplaces, and SO MANY tits.
Actually, WeSTARos is kind of just a really rowdy strip club, isn’t it? But with a fireplace? I think this dream could come true for you a lot more easily than you think…
What do we call that thing where you give a midget political power and then snatch it away? I mean, if we’re gonna go the full Stefon, we need that.
The Quarterman?
I can never remember the name for Avatar and I always call it Pandora…so this club is not for me
I don’t really understand why they went with AVASTAR instead of Pandora? I mean they’re targeting all those people who saw Avatar and got depressed they didn’t live on Pandora, right?
I think it’s because Vaguely Terrifying South African Guy is a marketing genius, and he knows that it will be difficult to fit the word star in Pandora.
Pandorats.
This guy knows what you’re talking about.
Most new clubs are basically the same old clubs with a new chandelier. I feel like I went to this one back when it was called Arbucklestar.
I am glad I am 127 now and don’t feel obligated to go here and pretend it’s awesome.
I can’t go you guys! I’m still at the underwater club. Also: help!
I have found that a blue raspberry icee is more likely to be successful than an avastar cocktail in obligating people to be nice to me.
What are you doing there, little comment? You don’t belong there? Come on, here’s you leash. Let’s go home.
Eagerly awaiting the new crossover, presumably TechnoBLUE² (cause water and Na’vi are both blue I don`t know whatever who even cares this is the worst)
there’ll be watches too
I know someone who’s excited about this news!
New York’s hottest new club is Avastarrrrrrrrrrrrr, with 13 ‘r’s.
YES! Thank you, Kip. Beat me to the giggle punch.