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I don’t really watch America’s Got Talent because frankly I find it horrifying. It’s not just that the definition of the word “talent” is so thinly sliced or that the judges’s faces all seem to be melting at the exact same rate, but whereas with most of these performative reality shows, the would-be contestants are whittled down by a team of “professionals” before they ever make it in front of a live studio audience, and the particularly hilarious ones are trotted out via post-production editing for a highlighted blooper reel that we can all schadenfreude at from the comfort and safety of our own homes, the cannon fodder contestants on America’s Got Talent are forced to perform in front of an auditorium of wild animals. Obviously, these people sign legal documents and are so desperate for any kind of attention and so filled with unearned confidence that they willfully subject themselves to the whims of the audience and it is their lack of self-awareness that ultimately drives their humiliation, but watching a human being standing alone on stage as an entire auditorium of straight up MONSTERS stands up and BOOS them loudly and crosses their arms into x’s as if to say “YOU DO NOT EVEN DESERVE TO EXIST” is a painful thing to watch. I hate it. I hate everyone in the auditorium. I hate Sharon Osbourne. I hate the 65-year-old guy who made his own puppets out of ping pong balls and pipe cleaners and performed a weird marionette dance to “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” for making us live his public failure. It’s just not a show for me, I guess. But, so, earlier this week, a young gothic man named Andrew De Leon became the new Susan Boyle when he performed supposedly for the very first time in his entire life for anyone ever. Most of the people who have posted this clip on the Internet talk about how it is a tear-jerker and “so emotional.” We’ll get to that in a second.
Andrew De Leon is basically the face of America’s Got Talent. If the ultimate conceit of the show is that it is giving regular people with incredible talents that have gone overlooked an opportunity to become rich and successful just like Meg Ryan–that somehow you too could be plucked from total obscurity and your sad, civilian life could be transformed into something “special” and “meaningful,” then certainly this performance illustrates that idea. (It always helps to have a nice visual hook. If, for example, you are a good singer, you should def dress up in an outfit that makes it look like you’re going to sing a different kind of song altogether. Or, like Susan Boyle, you should just be ugly.) If Andrew De Leon is to be believed, and why not, let’s believe him, then he is truly the basement genius whose own parents never saw him sing a word. (What? I mean, I believe this to be true, and I’m sure that Andrew De Leon had a childhood that was within the standard deviation of difficulty. Toddlers are so cruel to children with cats eye contact lenses. We could also get into this whole other argument about how at this point, Andrew is an adult, and he is making very clear choices that perpetuate his feelings of isolation, which are his right to make and we should all be more open and generous and accepting in this world, but we should also not be confused when people react in the negative ways that we could easily foresee based on a lifetime of historical precedent. But back to our dreaming!)
The thing about this clip that gets me is not the Internet-ready conflict between Andrew’s goth outfit and operatic aspirations. It’s 1912, guys. We need to finally come to terms with the fact that sometimes nice voices come out of unexpected bodies. And it’s not all of the reaction shots of people CRYING in the audience because SERIOUSLY, AUDIENCE? You should talk to someone. This audience needs to check if its meds are balanced because one second they’re shrieking for someone to be murdered because their break-dancing routine wasn’t dope enough, and now they are crying because of OPERA as if any of these fucks even heard an opera before in their goddamned lives. Work it out! And I’m definitely not particularly swayed by the throwaway idea of getting a reality TV ticket to Las Vegas as some kind of stepping stone to I don’t even know what? A CD? Who knows.
Here is the thing that does kind of get me about this clip, because I am an adult, and I can admit when a clip kind of gets me: what gets me about this clip is that basically what is happening here, the simple wish fulfillment of this moment when you strip away all of the noise and the mascara and the Nick Cannons is a dude standing on stage and having his parents tell him that they love him and that they are proud of him. That’s fucking IT. That’s the only thing of any truth that’s happening here, but it’s kind of an important truth, and it’s kind of the only truth anyone ever really wants. The whole reason most people would even subject themselves to the harsh, sodium glow of the reality TV spotlight is because they desperately need someone, anyone to tell them “we see you. You are alive and you exist and that means something to someone on this planet, at least for now.” Everyone’s dreams are so small. We should probably dream even smaller, though. Seeing Andrew De Leon get the thing everyone secretly wants without ever knowing or admitting that they want it makes you kind of hope he’ll just go home now. Don’t go to Las Vegas! You already won the grand prize! Leave the animals to scream over the scraps.
Or whatever.
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Hey attractive people who dress well, don’t bother singing, you’ll never make it
This guy IS attractive though, and he dresses fine! What’s odd is that he has a pretty good control over his falsetto, but hey…it’s not that odd. America’s standards for unexpected and impressive are frankly pathetic sometimes. I guess I’m just reiterating everything Gabe wrote, but man…it really does confound me sometimes how in this age of the internet and this age of infinite leisure time, people still seem to not have a clue. Like for example these two girls and what they can do with one cup! Wake up sheeple.
But he has eye makeup on, that can’t be true!
http://www.google.ca/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://dchero.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/make2.jpg&sa=X&ei=VPvQT4_jPNSd6AH05oF9&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNFyzfBeQhtW2r1e25CL79mZ7TBSGQ
UGLY NERD!!!!!
Whoa holey cow, did you know it was famous hot actress Rachel Leigh Cook under those glasses?!! VA-VOOM
WHAT?! But she’s got GLASSES. And a PONYTAIL!
UGH, she’s got PAINT on her OVERALLS! What IS that?!
Guys, there’s no way she could be prom queen!
It’s kind of like the old Chinese magician in the beginning of The Prestige because he had the illusion of an old man but was actually just hiding his strength. But, I guess, the audience never found out about his strength so it’s different. This comparison kind of fell apart oh man why am I typing this don’t hit submit comme
You think so?
Finally, everything’s coming up noclevername.
Let the arias hit the floor.
Porgy & Bess and the Hotdog-Flavored Water
The more cynical view on that Nugget of Truth – his parents are only proud now because people are watching, and because millions of people might look at their son and by acknowledging him, validate them.
(Also, I didn’t watch the video because I’m at work, so sorry if this is not applicable. Sorry anyway for the wah wahh.)
I think I am part of the problem because at first I thought this was a post about Richmond from the IT Crowd. And sorry, singing man, but nothing will cure the disappointment that you are not Richmond.
That wasn’t Richmond?
http://images.wikia.com/theitcrowd/images/a/a1/Richmond1).jpg
Misfire. Reload.
AAAAAHHH this cured the disappointment! Richmond!
From goth to boss.
Setting aside Gabe’s Very Important Points about this clip –
I know his ability to control his falsetto is impressive, but do you guys feel like this is actually good? I mean, there’s no real artistry in the way he delivered the song, and his tone is kind of unpleasant. If you took away the odd juxtaposition his appearance creates, would you actually think this sounded good? Or would you beg whoever turned it on to please, for the love of God, shut this crap off?
I wish they had asked him if he could sing something in his regular voice. I’ll bet it’s nice too.
It’s not necessarily easy what he is doing, and probably most people couldn’t pull that off, but… yeah. Not especially pleasant, objectively. And I’m not sure where having his particular talent is going to prove to be super useful as far as a music career goes, like even in a professional opera company.
A performer who sings in falsetto is referred to as a countertenor, and opera companies that perform baroque opera with original instruments use countertenors. During the Baroque era, many heroes were sung by men singing in falsetto. These roles were generally sung by castrated eunuchs known as castrati, before the process of castrating talented young boys was deemed immoral (just another example of liberals stepping in and ruining things for everyone). I’m pretty sure that Handel’s Julius Caesar was sung by a castrato or countertenor.
I’ve been struggling my entire life to understand why this style of singing has grown unpopular, and finally my frustrations have been relieved by the ignorant, cheering mass of human cattle at America’s Got Talent. Does anyone else have any idea as to why men singing in falsetto isn’t cool anymore? I just don’t get it.
Dude, it’s as cool as ever.
It’s not *technically* good, but with some training it might become phenomenal.
Pete Wentz Has Got Talent [?]
OK, I’ve been trying to cobble a Marilyn Horne/Marilyn Manson joke for the past 15 minutes, but it’s not working and I’m not sure too many people even know who Marilyn Horne is to make it work, so I feel like its a fool’s errand. I feel like I’ve lost the Kathleen Battle.
This guy is their love child? Too easy?
The best joke I had was “I always thought the Marilyn in “Marilyn Manson” was Marilyn Monroe, but I guess its been Marilyn Horne this whole time.” Woof.
OK, now I slipped in that Kathleen Battle pun at the end because I got scared that I wasn’t being funny and now it looks like I took a long way around to make a Kathleen Battle pun. This was not my intention.
No matter how you get to a Kathleen Battle pun, it’s always worthwhile.
it’s 1912?
it worked!!
i didn’t know Cris Angel and Adam Lambert had a kid… well congrats to them both, just hope they remember to share the eyeliner and man-scara.
People have always and will always behave like wild animals in settings like this. And people who are lucky enough to be in superior positions have always given a thumbs up or giant X to other people who don’t happen to be as lucky as them. “Panem et circenses” etc. We should just all be thankful that at least the “circenses” part no longer consists of watching lions rip people apart.
i wonder if he appreciates the irony in being a star now on the Dope Show
I blame Coldplay for even writing Fix You in the first place. It’s not that I don’t like that song, but they must have known what reality television would do with it. Yay, reality TV has fixed you! Congrats all around!
I don’t watch America’s Got Talent, but I do genuinely love So You Think You Can Dance. Who’s with me? Hello? Anyone?
I am the fifth person.
I bet he wants to Fach You Like an Animal.
[The German Fach (pl. Fächer, literally "compartment" or also "subject (of study)", here in the sense of "(vocal) specialization")) system is a method of classifying singers, primarily opera singers, according to the range, weight, and color of their voices.]
I had to google opera terms to force out a joke.
I should have dreamed smaller.
Would have been better coming from a juggalo. A rare miss, America’s Got Talent producers.
Even when I’m trying to be cynical about it, I still get chills exactly when the director wants me to. Dammit NBC.
Monsters, we see you. You are alive and you exist and that means something to someone on this planet, at least for now. Please don’t feel the need to go onto TV to discover this.