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Guys, come next Tuesday all of the mysteries of this long and glorious weekend will have been revealed. We will know our success and our failures. We will know which guilty pleasure movies we guiltily watched the second half of on cable late one night for the one thousandth time and we will know exactly which drink was one too many. We will know who had a barbecue but didn’t invite us and is now a person who we will forever associate with having had that barbecue to which we weren’t invited, and we will know which friend texted us out of the blue and made for a totally fun and unexpected hang out. But for now, it’s all potential. Who even knows! See you on Tuesday. Be ready to DISH.
After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the B-Hole At The Zoo Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
| #5 |  |
Jeb | May 23rd | Score:49 |
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OK, I read that whole goddamn thing and I still don’t know what the fuck Kelly’s having for dinner. |
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| Posted in: A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Anderson Cooper VS. “The Human Barbie” | |||
| #4 |  |
R2D2, Esq. | May 21st | Score:50 |
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That’s funny, I was just thinking how it would be really awesome if things went smoothly for a while and I made a fuck ton of money to boot. |
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| Posted in: Kristen Stewart Has The World’s Shittiest Life | |||
| #3 |  |
Slick shoes! | May 22nd | Score:51 |
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“Worst. Vending machine. Ever.” - That lion |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: B-Hole At The Zoo | |||
| #2 |  |
facetaco | May 21st | Score:71 |
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This would be more effective if it didn’t use a picture of a guy who captured and enslaved an entire race. |
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| Posted in: That’s Your Girlfriend: This Racist | |||
| #1 |  |
king curtis | May 21st | Score:74 |
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Surprise! There’s a vase here to see you! |
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| Posted in: Mad Men: Oh Right, Advertising | |||
[Assoc. Ed. Note: Great job, king curtis! I still haven't seen the most recent episode of Mad Men so I don't know what you're referencing, but I bet it's great! Lots of other people think so! Also congratulations to everyone else. And, as I already said in the Friendly Chat comments, in response to Jeb's comment, I had chicken noodle soup and soup CAN count for a dinner if it has noodles in it. Pretty sure that's a fact. Have an especially great holiday weekend to the five of you and congratulations goodbye!]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
| #1 |  |
singing-ax | May 18th | Score:-21 |
| Yeah, as someone who could have been described as a Community fan at one point, I thought all three episodes were pretty terrible. The writing wasn’t great, and even the acting was kinda bad.
I didn’t even watch 30 Rock, because, you know. 30 Rock. |
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| Posted in: Thursday Night TV Open Thread: Finales! | |||
[Assoc. Ed. Note: That's definitely fine.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
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Slick shoes! | May 22nd | Score:51 | |
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“Worst. Vending machine. Ever.” |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: B-Hole At The Zoo | |||
[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Slick shoes! You earned it.]
This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice
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smokey marcella | May 21st | Score:36 | |
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Guys, kind of off topic, but I fell down a Videogum rabbit hole last night while procrastinating and discovered that a year ago last Friday Kelly was introduced to us. So, I just wanted to say yay! You’ve been awesome KelCo, and to celebrate I grew you a cat.
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| Posted in: Saturday Night Live: Season Finale | |||
[Assoc. Ed. Note: I didn't realize it was my one-year GUMiversary!!!!! WHAT A YEAR! Thanks, smokey! Thanks, Gabe! Thanks everybody! I only hope this hasn't been the worst year of your lives, and if it has I at least hope that it was not because of me!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
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summer estherson | 11:52am | Score:4 | |
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Let me be the first to say AAGHGAH;WEIJ;SDDIOWEJN. |
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| Posted in: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Twilight Is Like A Religion For Some Tweens | |||
[Ed. Note: Sometimes you just have to be the first one to say something. Get your point out there. Stand by it. Everyone else will follow.]
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Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody! I don’t get a Memorial Day weekend, but next week I do get a Queen’s Birthday, so it evens out.
I just had a Queen’s Birthday a few days ago. Make up your minds, Queens!
It’s Friday!
(note: one of you monsters posted this photo of Rob Lowe the other day. I can’t remember who, where or why, but I loved it so much that I had to animate it in front of a space rainbow)
Long weekend! Everyone get down!
I’m so excited I’m about to drill a hole into the floor.
I don’t want to brag, but my weekend is going to RULE!!!!
JK, totes bragging.
Oh lawd, Eleven dancing!!
I look at the faces in this page who have given their all to this website and I say:
perpare to take a great leap forward
perpare to swim The English Channel and then drown in champagne
there are seven days between now and the next Monsters’ Ball
we are going to spend them all here
we will celebrate memorial day here we will barbecue next to the computer together
and in the end We will represent Videogum and it will be worth it
every monster is defined by the moment they got their first upvote
when we land lols next week, the world will now we’ve arrived.
I really enjoyed this Chris even though at first I thought it was an acrostic poem and I definitely spent too much time trying to figure out what IPPTWWAEW could mean but nonetheless thank you for this.
Sorry about the typos but I had a few drinks at work, you know for authenticity. Happy memorial day, let’s drink!
HOLY fuck. SINGLE goddamn INDIAN tear over HERE, CHRIS.
Let’s start driving toward each other and then when we meet somewhere in central Kentucky, we’ll get married. I’ll keep my laptop on my passenger seat.
GUYS! I was just an accidental extra in a photo shoot! Walking to the market on my lunch break to get a tomato for my sandwich (dare to dream, right?) I passed a woman in sparkly short shorts, a frilly pink shirt and stilettos parading up and down in front of the terrasse diners like a classy mid-afternoon prostitute. And then I heard some guy call “Got the shot!” and noticed all the cameras… So if you see a photo of a model dressed like this while some bitch in a blue dress gives her stink eye in the background, I’m that bitch in a blue dress!! Thus launches my background modelling career…
What kind of sandwich?
Walnut dijon, baby spinach, cucumber, boccocini and smoked salmon in a 12-grain wrap. Plus tomato, as an after-thought.
That. Sounds. Incredible.
I guess I’m bringing the sandwiches to the Monster slumber party! I make a damn fine sandwich.
Girls, I am even more excited about this slumber party now. SANDWICHES WILL BE INVOLVED. I am going to bring ALL the ice cream.
Pretty hurt that I wasn’t invited to this slumber party, to be honest.
Oh no, Gobblegirl! It was a lady-Monster open invite!! We were counting on you to bring the daiquiri mix!
This sounds like so much fun. Possibly too much fun. No… JUST ENOUGH FUN.
It will be the acceptable level of incredibly fun.
Okay, forgiven. Is the dress code lacy nighties, or patterned flannel jammies (I only own patterned flannel jammies)?
Patterned jammies all the way, Gobblegirl! I have some super cute owl ones! Ugh, I want this to happen for real SO BAD Y’ALL.
I’ll bring the box o’ wine, y’all!
Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everybody! I will be celebrating by going to the hospital tomorrow for my second of five rabies shots!
I’ve heard those are very Memorable.
Happy Friday everyone. I will be bringing an appetizer to the Vgum BBQ; my world famous taco-salad
What will YOU be bringing?
there’s only one taco recipe allowed at the vgum bbq
actual recipe here
http://www.pillsbury.com/recipes/funny-face-taco-dip/55d65979-ae09-470c-a66e-262593fb6a15
and actually I lied…bring all the tacos because it’s my favorite food
Ingredients:
1 tiny slice red bell pepper, 50% more pith than pepper
1 floret cauliflower, because why the hell not? Just put it in the middle and shut up
1 avocado, halved (leave peel, make sure it’s at least six days from being ripened (also put some M&Ms on there because fuck you)
1 bunch brocoli, all florets removed and disposed of, save the bridge because why the hell not?
2 inch-long strips carrot
1 bottle store-brought taco sauce
1 flour tortilla
650 lbs pre-shredded cheddar
Preparation:
Make all that shit into a fucking face.
Facetaco’s silence on this thread is a bit suspicious. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM? YOU HAVE ALREADY TAKEN HIM TO A PARTY AND EATEN HIM HAVEN’T YOU, YOU MONSTER?!
I’m bringing Zimas.
Two taco dishes and zimas…let’s party
You’re welcome, Kelly. Getting to check off another box on my videogum bingo card (associate editor’s choice) is all the thanks I need
I feel like I have a mini egot with both Kelly and Gabe putting me in the ball.
HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!! I got Editor’s Choice?! What is going on? Oh my gosh, I am so happy I checked this one last time before I packed it all in and headed out for the weekend. (Because I need to be validated by strangers on the Internet before I can enjoy myself!) But seriously, thanks Gabe (even though I suspect you might be making fun of me a *tad*.) Congrats to the other Ballers! Thanks everybody! It’s been a great first couple weeks here!
Have wonderful weekends! Enjoy your day off if you have one! Be careful! Happy Memorial Day!!! (So many exclamation points!)
VIDEOGUM PROFESSIONAL INFORMATION:
Gabe is ALWAYS making a tad FUN of everything. IT’S his WEIRDING way that allows HIM TO WALK the Golden PATH of the Bloggers. We shall SEE IF IT CONSUMES him into a SNARK-WORM God thing that NEVER SHUTS the hell up.
First of all, you’re great. And I love that you’re here but I’ve been trying to get editor’s choice for a
Aw, I’m so sorry! If it makes you feel any better, here’s some conciliatory Memorial Day cookies:
Congratulations! I think you’ve probably already noticed that the general consensus is that you’re the best new Monster, so it’s seriously well deserved. Although, like Dr. Feelgood, I really need an Editor’s Choice to round out my EGOT, so I am also very upset with you and as always, the offer to trade for rare Garbage Pail Kids cards stands.
Aw, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Thank you!!! But don’t think that flattery will make me trade my Editor’s Choice. I’m taking that thing to the grave.
It’s summer time!
I thought of a one-panel comic strip once of a guy on a desert island with one palm tree sticking out of it, and he was super-psyched at a floating cargo box in the foreground, and on the side of the box facing the viewer it says ‘hammocks.’ Awe! There’s only one tree!
But then I thought that he could still use the hammocks as fish nets, and I lost faith in the idea. I wanted the box’s contents to be 100% useless!
THIS IS a much BETTER desert island COMIC.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Hd4PNP31TxI/S-QYIVbDr2I/AAAAAAAAArQ/uvsK0tAGKPc/s400/far%20side.bmp
CLEARLY, THE advantage WAS not mine. AND WITH THAT fucking super EMBARRASSMENT: LATER y’all.
Score! I think I got took the caption contest a couple of weeks ago, but it felt like a hollow/asterisk victory at the time; partially because I was out of town and didn’t see it until Monday, but mostly because I knew I had less upvotes than lilbobbytables that week and had given up hope (caption contest is decided by most upvotes, right? Or is it like Editor’s Choice?). ANYWAY, I’m pretty excited. So thanks! And now that I have legitimately made the Monster’s Ball, I can officially apologize to lilbobbytables and acknowledge her much-deserved retroactive win from the Kardasian/SNL pic. Don’t spend it all in one place.
I like that you had to wait until you made the Monster’s Ball again before you could apologize, lest they strip you of your title…good job to you and LBT!!!
Well, yeah. That was my first MB cameo. I’m a nice guy, but I’ll be fanned if i was gonna give that up without a fallback
*damned, not fanned.
Hey guys. The Caption Contest from last week over at Stereogum is still going on, for some reason. It’s a bloody back and forth battle that makes no sense to me, but is oddly fascinating to watch. But this past week it appears someone ran a campaign to get their comment a bunch of votes, edging out the previous lead horse which was our very own Top Knot. Since every dirty tactic in the book has been pulled in this contest, I thought I would point this out to you guys in the hopes that 15 or 20 of you could go over and reset the balance in Top Knot’s favor.
http://stereogum.com/1032852/lets-caption-dirty-projectors-swing-lo-magellan-cover/
Make it happen guys. Don’t let some punk get away with creating an account, making a single comment, and then getting all of their friends to simultaneously vote their comment up while voting every other comment down simply to grab some swag prizes.
Done and done.
Hey thanks! Although I must say, winning that Dirty Projectors record at this point might feel like something akin to blood money. Bad mojo all around over there. But you are very sweet to help me out! I love music!
Remember me when you are rich and famous.
That is some crazy stuff happening over there…so many downvotes! I like being back in the safespace over here at Videogum. Hugs!
Ah man. No way. For every one vote that we throw at it, that dude gets five more and downvotes Topknot. I’m convinced this dude Diego4533 is cheating with Proxies or something. It’s a shame too, because his Seinfeld caption is ridiculous.
Oh, well. We have until next Wednesday to turn things around, but I’m fairly certain no matter how many unique votes we log Diego will magically find more.
I’ve said it before: Stereogum is like Videogum in a sketchy and rude alternate universe.
Yeah, I went over there and I just hit ctrl-F “topknot” and got out of there as fast as I could.
um, is anybody else watching the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST 2012 tomorrow?? aka American Idol x The Olympics aka the gay Superbowl?? I don’t have gifs to support this but suffice to say I will be getting my day drinking on in solidarity with Europe. Do not miss this: http://youtu.be/O_9QaVC-NKw
GO IRELAND GO SWEDEN GO TURKEY #CAPEBOAT
I love the Eurovision but I wait for my Irish BFF to send me all the highlights! (I was far too excited about past winners Dima Bilan and Alexander Rybak showing up together for the interval on one of the shows! Love you, terrifying Eurodance Idol Olympics!)
Yaaay Sweden! Looking forward to ESC in Stockholm next year!! (God I’m drunk…)
so much weekend potential!
i saw MIB3 last night, which was better than i expected so there’s that.
“go see MIB3 it could be better than you’d expect” – my A+ movie review
I appreciate that gif.
I can’t tell if that’s Paul Rudd or Benedict Cumberbatch. What’s it from?
benedict cumberbatch dancing to thriller at a wedding? or some party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSgdyNZABt0&feature=related
I’m just so glad that this is a thing that happened. Stars! They’re just like us: They dance like goobers at weddings!
You all ignored my previous request for the creepy re-edits of Alf with spooky music and disturbing innuendo, but I managed to find it myself using my internet search capabilities, it is on the youtube, user name is andrew hussie, you have to scroll down to get the Alf ones, they’re creepy/funny. Enjoy it.
Mr. Meatloaf is the funniest one
Ain’t no holiday weekend like a New Yorker podcast holiday weekend.
wow so glad I dont read your precious Debbie Downer New Yorker zine, unsubscribe
whoa! Thanks for the upvotes everyone! this is the happiest day of my life. Shout out to BabsGordon for the gif assist and happy memorial day weeeeeeekend!
I just want to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed Kelly’s contributions to this site. This is easily my favorite website on the internet and it’s only gotten better since Kelly joined in. Kelly, I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here (because now you’re fired, Gabe said to pass that along) as much as I have. In all seriousness, you’re very good at what you do, so I hope you’ll continue doing it for quite some time. It feels like we’ve really gotten to know you this past year, so we wanted to get you something special. Here’s a card from all of us that I think you’ll love.
(you love spiders, right?)
If you could have somehow also made it seem like she was falling out of a plane while covered in spiders it would have been even more perfect.
Congrats ballers. See you guise in a couple of weeks. Off to Iceland! Valhalla I am coming home!