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Ugh. This guy. Look at this guy! Fuck this guy for real. As if the lion’s life isn’t sad enough already that he’s been stolen from his natural habitat to live in a tiny glass cage for his whole stupid life, but he’s also got to put up with this LMFAO asshole staring him down. The way this guy is standing, his “tough guy” posture is so infuriating. His posture! That is when you know you are dealing with a real piece of crap, when even the posture is just unacceptable. WHERE IS HARRY POTTER WHEN YOU NEED HIM? Remember that part, nerds? You nerds remember. I normally do not wish harm on people, but I genuinely wish that this guy would get eaten by a lion. I’m sure his family would be sad, but I don’t care. He deserves it. Leave his bones to dry out in the sun. Even the vultures would be like “oh this is that asshole!” Hate this guy so much. He’s probably your boyfriend. You probably date him. Caption the lion.
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. King of the comment jungle! (Via Gawker.)
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Douchey And I Know It
Spoiler alert he has sunglasses on his hair
challenge accepted-Guy Fieri
What’s the over-under that his name is Brendan?
3
“Dude, I owe you like 70 for flinching.” -That Lion
Whoops. Donna Darko Spider Boner He’ll Be Back Lion Flinching.
Motherfucker, I have 945 pounds per square inch of jaw force. I’m a fucking LION. Who the fuck are you?
I apologize for all the cursing, but just like that little ‘zebra’ kid, shit like this really pisses me off.
I was going to make a joke that idiot Zebra children grow up so quickly… but really every generation is filled with these fucking asshole idiots.
Best part is his little self-satisfied glance to those other folks at the end. “I did it! I made the lion back down! He totally backed down because he realized I am awesome and manly and because I kind of slumped my shoulder and shook my stupid hair around and not because he realized the futility of trying to get at me through this 2 foot thick glass.”
It’s sad that some zoos still allow people to stand that close to the animals. Invite him back, but replace the glass with breakaway glass and let the festivities commence!
This just reminds me about how much I hate the movie Madagascar because at the end the animals opt to go back to the zoo instead of stay in the wild….I was sceaming at the movie “WHY WOULD YOU GO BACK TO THE ZOO!?!?” I see now Madagascar is a commentary on the human condition and that it’s probably this kid’s favorite movie.
They are used to living at the zoo, they have no defenses against the dangers of the wild. Sorry I mean lol Chris Rock is a zebra
Man, all the other animals are gonna be like
This seriously is amazing.
i think the lion is trying to say something! What is it?!
I think he’s trying to quote Wesley Willis: “Take your ass to the barber shop / Tell the barber that you’re sick of looking like an asshole”
There’s a pussy on both sides of the glass.
I think that guy was trying to kiss the Will Smith of lions.
Or he just whispered that season 5 of Breaking Bad will be split into two half seasons.
We’re going to need a bigger methane probe, Mr. Lion
Two maulings for flinching.
AYO I don’t condone captivity but anyone who lets themselves end up in a zoo is weak.
This youtube user disagrees.
This youtube user makes a lot of assumptions about the lion’s sexuality!
The most shocking thing is that porscheaircooled used the correct form of it’s.
puss
From now on I’m ending all my comments this way. puss
That’s definitely my new standard for douchey behavior. “Eh, I guess he’s kind of a jerk, but it’s not like he’s anally raped any majestic animals recently, you know?”
Dude must be wearing some Mark VII, what with all that devil-may-care whimsy.
“Worst. Vending machine. Ever.”
- That lion
A leopard cannot change its spots; a lion cannot change its glass.
There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars -
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.
Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild -
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn’t seem right to the child.
So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with its ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle
And pushed it in Wallace’s ear.
You could see that the Lion didn’t like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with ‘im,
And swallowed the little lad ‘ole.
too read. don’t long
“Who’s this fucking guy that he stands like that? Did this guy fucking invent glass? Because unless this is the fucker invented fucking glass, I don’t see any reason he stands like that.”
Proof that LMFAO and Fergie are really just out to annoy everyone and everything.
“Fool! You will never be welcome in Narnia.”
“But anyway, pray for me. That’s all I got to say,” said the man (your boyfriend, obvs.) before the glass broke.
Said the lion? “Prey for me.”
Almost.
Good job there’s no Dirty Projector’s prize or this contest would be a bloodbath.
The Lion family visiting the Douchebag exhibit at the Human Zoo. — Rod Serling.
Turns out it’s Man.
More like Roarbert Meowney Jr.
I loved his performance as Lion Man.
Fuck this guy. And by fuck I mean let’s maul him to death, lion or no lion.
Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
I’M TRAPPED IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION.
“Carrot Top was better in the 90s.”
When I was living in Taiwan, some obviously mentally ill guy got into the lion enclosure with an aim to preach to the lions (he was also a Christian). Thankfully, he didn’t die, but I think he was injured and that was shitty.
The above was a roundabout way of saying why couldn’t it have been this guy?
(Follow my lead, guys.) Hey, dude, you’ve got a real knack for interacting with that lion. Have you ever thought about doing something like that professionally? Like getting in there with them and showing them who’s boss? I’ll bet you could even train that one to use an iPad, that would be cool…
Then the lion went back to his fake cave and wrote a 3,000 word revenge fantasy and thought about the guy for the next two weeks, because lions are like humans.
“He does this every week. I think his name is Gabe.”
The circle of life: let me show you it.
(Why did I have to be the one to say that? How has no one else made this joke yet?!)
the king of the jungle meets the bane of Mrs. Harper’s 3rd period American Literature class
LMFAO They’re Grr-r-reatt!
Not pictured: self-awareness or any sense of common decency
“We lions LOVE jokes! Before you join our cult, you must pull my thorn. Come on, pull my thorn. ”
*fart*
Irritation escalating to rage and then wanting to kill the stupid little jerk, but failing? Sounds like every woman comedian on America’s Next Top Comic.
“KILL WHITEY!!!” – Chris Farley and probably the Lion.
Surprise there’s a mauling here to see you!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.