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So she’s a bit older. Who cares? You’ve reached a point in your life where “age” just doesn’t factor into what you look for in a potential lover. What matters to you is that she supports you, listens to you, and, above all, shares your beliefs. Specifically your beliefs concerning Nebraska’s current fight to amend the state’s anti-discrimination law so it covers discrimination against LGBT citizens, an issue some might believe obvious and embarrassing in its current lack of resolution. SOME. Some. But not all. Not you two. You two peas in a dirty bigot pod know the truth about why LGBT citizens should not be covered under anti-discrimination law. For example, why should we protect “gays, bis, and orgiers” when THEY are the ones who created the ABC show Wipeout? A show that has broken bones and manslaughter EVERY MINUTE, just because they like to see people perishing? Does that sound “RIGHT” to you? And, please, don’t even get her started on Whitney Houston being naked when she died because whenever a person dies naked it’s because a gay man stole their clothing, or something. Actually, you know — you can’t do this justice. Everyone should just listen to your girlfriend. Although you share your beliefs that make so much sense and are so easy to re-state and not have them sound like I must’ve gotten something wrong in there because what?, she states them so much more eloquently.
“Oh my god,” you say. “Take off that hat and come over here, I just can’t resist any longer.” (Thanks for the tip, hassiar!)
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that viral Olive Garden review clearly went to her head.
“Bisexuals ALWAYS become insane.”
That’s when I knew I loved her and never wanted to lose her.
It’s weird that she would admit to being bisexual like that.
This old lady is as dumb as her hat.
Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be 80 years old
RIP Maurice Sendak
I was really hoping that sentence would end with “can transform into werewolves.” That gays can transform into octogenarians is not nearly as cool.
There’s a very apt spatial metaphor concerning gaps in generational attitudes going on here:
You know, from that freeze frame, she looks a bit like an Eric Idle character in Monty Python.
that old lady behind her speaks afterwards. she’s really sweet!
oh honey, we’ve talked about that hat haven’t we?- my first thoughts on seeing this video.
Needless to say, my girlfriend’s not into butt stuff.
she is,however, a total ass
I don’t know, her intimate knowledge of fungus and anal licking tells us otherwise.
at least, not since she contracted sepsis.
Hmm. Sure it’s not actually “p… e… n… i… s…” stuff she isn’t into? Only she seems perfectly happy saying “anus”.
“This is why I said not everyone should have a voice in government.” — Thomas Jefferson
And why my favorite Federalist Paper is #26, “On the necessity of a limite of minutes-five durring publick meetings wherein peasants may attain to speake of such topicks as black heli-copterrs.”
oll korrect
The Articles of Confederation were especially weak on that point.
You know, if you’re going to just make numbers up, you should probably to try to at least make them sound plausible.
BNPG: #lincolnfacts
600% of all gays who perform anallingus immediately transform into Robocops.
100% of gays in the Trojan war died.
Whitney Houston died four times last year alone because her friend’s stepson was gay.
Unless they tie their penicillin shoes in the first 3 minutes. #lincolnfacts
90% of all forest fires are started by gay people and the other 10% are because of straight people wandering into the woods after being lit on fire by a gay person.
100% of the 50 stars on the United States flag represent playmates with whom Lincoln has slept.
I didn’t even need to make that one up. That’s a true fact. #MrShow
Gay sex is the only sex allowed in the Lincoln bedroom at the White House.
Lincoln was gay with Fredrick Douglass. Their debates were foreplay. #lincolnfacts
John Wilkes Booth “ass-ass-inated” Lincoln, I think you know what I mean and how he really died now. #lincolnfacts
Everybody knows Abraham Lincoln was actually hammered in the ass so much that he died from being hammered in the ass.
http://youtu.be/B4Uf9rsBbhc
Lincoln’s wife died because Lincoln was carrying around a bucket of PCP. #lincolnfacts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah7ApyeyneY
Lincoln smoked pot with dinosaurs. GAY DINOSAURS. #potkills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONnIjTQ_YK0
RACE WARRRRRR!!!
Lincoln’s assassination was orchestrated by Robert Todd Lincoln in reaction to his father’s gayness and RTL’s desire to get a new daddy. #lincolnfacts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNR-x1net-A
wow… when did lincoln have time for all this gayness? i mean being the president by day and kung fu vampire killer by night just seems like it eat up a lot of your time, right?
John Wilkes Booth earned his last name because of his affinity for glory holes.
darkotastic!
Guys, I live in Lincoln and I just want to say that I don’t really get these “jokes?”
“I live in Lincoln”? Is that like how Liberace “lived in Lincoln”? And how RuPaul “lives in Lincoln”?
I don’t want to watch this.
Fake and butt-licking.
Who are these people in the audience and how are they keeping it together? Were they given earplugs before she started speaking?
correction gabe: EX girlfriend. i left her last week for a bi-sexual transgender man we met at an orgy last week. we bonded over our mutual love for “Wipeout” and hit it off from there.
I haven’t watched this video yet. how is she taking it?
correction Kelly!
KELLY! SORRY!
please accept my apology in the form of this Parenthood gif
her?
I’d been holding out for a girl who knows how to connect the dots. Specifically the ABC programming-fungus-necrophilia-insanity dots. I can’t believe how long it took to find her.
It’s true, we are very in love and will be together forever. It’s really a tragedy that we are both women, and therefore gay or bi, and therefore need to enter a suicide pact? IT’S LOGIC PEOPLE.
She sounds like she’s reading automatic poetry cut from your uncle’s forwarded emails.
Or she’s reading the bottle from the special Dr. Bronner’s Soap distributed only at Liberty University.
That is EXACTLY what I was thinking.
On Monday, I saw a shirtless man wearing an ascot. Earlier in that day, a different man told me he was going to eat my eyeballs. And this is, without question, the craziest thing I have seen or heard in a long, LONG time.
Also: this gets funnier the more times you watch it. I’ve turned a corner. She’s so beyond insane that I’m beginning to love her.
In college I saw Adrienne Rich do a reading (it was actually kind of amazing) and though the content differs in important ways, they have a lot in common as performers.
Is that where you went to Gender Studies?
My apologies, you only go to Gender Studies when you visit the U.N.
Seriously, I might love her more than the YouTube scholars who post exclusively about Nibiru and Reptoids.
I’m taking the U.N.’s online class, “Gender Norms In Reptoid Culture: Fact or Fiction? (Fact).”
Once again, the U.N. refuses to discuss Nibiru. Classic U.N.
this uncle?
Wait, if you want to stop turning gay in college, shouldn’t they introduce ONLY mixed gender dorms? With mandatory sexing times?
Me ten years ago likes this idea. Me today also likes it, but it’s much less relevant and doesn’t impact my own life at all. But me ten years ago says this needs to happen.
Clearly it’s the only way to save our children.
If only we didn’t all turn gay in college, we’d have children to save.
I choose Judas
Oh man, the fact checking department over at Wikiphobia must really been working overtime to validate all of these claims.
I wonder how many bears she had to kill before one finally dropped that +5 hat of homophobia.
Facetaco, this is my favorite thing you have ever said.
And THAT is my favorite thing that YOU have ever said. The previous runner-up was when you said that I look like Jon Hamm, with the charisma of Mel Gibson.
Seconded
In DND 4e following suggested loot guidelines for DMs, a +5 hat means she’s at least level 17, as +5 items are level 21 and generally one can only obtain items up to four levels above their level. This means she must have killed 415 bears, which are level 5 brutes worth 200 XP each.
Comment 1: Living a celibate life until 80 or having a healthy sex life and dying younger? I think if I tell you that at times, I’ve eaten bacon six days in a row, and had days where I had bacon with every meal, you know where I stand on this. (This seems a good a place as any to brag about how for my birthday, my landlords made me “Vice Cream” which is ice cream with pot, whiskey, and bacon in it.)
Comment 2: I am fairly positive that the woman sitting behind her, to her left, changed her stance on the issue from anti-gay to pro-gay during the course of the speech.
I though she was just humming the tune to the Love Boat.
All of a sudden, my landlords seem like terrible landlords.
It’s okay, I do things like spend my day off working with them on the house, either their half or my half. You don’t borrow your landlords’ tools to fix things, do you?
My landlords are just some random couple in California who bought this townhouse in Dallas for their daughters to live in while they were at SMU, and then started leasing it to us once their girls graduated and moved back to California. So basically my landlords are just some bank account I wire my rent to every month. Suffice it to say they don’t send us any Vice Cream.
who on earth is your landlord? i’ve had a few during my time here in burlington, and none of them every made me ice cream. one of the pervier ones used to just come in our house unannounced to “check the windows” during summer months, but that’s not even remotely close to bacon and whiskey. what’s your secret???? #vermonstersunite!
Though we met as them being their landlords, I’ve known them for almost three years now and are pretty much my family in town, so, yeah, it works out well as a landlord/tenant situation. Sure, they do things like break into my house, drunk, in the middle of the night, because they are out of popcorn, but who doesn’t want friends who do that?
ps- i hope you are out and enjoying the fantastic weather today. i work on church st and it is BUMPIN’.
Nope. I’m painting the inside of a window at my apartment, with my landlords sitting on the grass outside, drinking wine, eating cheese and crackers, mocking me.
Actually, we’re engaged now. We said we wouldn’t get married until another state found the courage to PROTECT MARRIAGE. Thanks North Carolina!
THE GUY BEHIND HER. I LOVE HIM.
Also Beardy McRedshirt two rows back at 1:39 facepalming it is pretty great.
Also, why is it p-e-n-i-s and then just anus? Honestly, I’m more uncomfortable with her saying anus than penis.
Yes, it’s okay to say “anus licking,” but you have to spell out penis in case there are children there. Duh.
For a long time, it didn’t bother me that a significant chunk of my tax dollars goes towards a social security program that probably won’t even exist by the time I am old enough to collect benefits. That’s just the way it is. But now that I know that some tiny portion (however insignificant) of those tax dollars goes towards supporting her just really upsets me.
Parks & Rec is weird without the reaction shots.
Romney supports her with his Mom jeans:
Now i’m convinced that mitt romney is secretly a woman… i see no penis in this pic. i demand to see mitt romneys penis! (slams fist on desk)
I believe that is actually the character description in the script of JC Superstar: “Judas, a homo.”
It still amazes me that I (we) live in a country with so many ignorant people.
She’s not ignorant. She cray cray.
Yes. I would honestly like to hear her thoughts on chemtrails and the environment and the Illuminati. I know it sounds like I’m kidding but I very much am not.
“This is the result of a tenuous study…”
You don’t say!
This is clearly an alien robot masquerading as a shill for the mental health lobby. I hate to beat a dead horse, but yet more evidence of the alien robot takeover.
My only point of confusion: What do the alien robots have against my favorite band, Judas Homo & the Orgiers?
She lives on her own; has access to fire, electrical appliances and heating elements; and probably drove herself there. Lincoln Nebraska is a scary place.