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With the nation becoming increasingly polarized on what should be thought of as a basic human right, the news of this morning’s devastating car bombings in Syria, and everyone on Earth trying to figure out how to deal with no new episodes of New Girl for what could be MONTHS, it seems only right to talk about the important issue of THERE’S GOING TO BE A LIVE-ACTION MOVIE ABOUT CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG! From The Hollywood Reporter:
Illumination Entertainment, the company behind the recent family hit Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax, and Universal are teaming up to bring Clifford the Big Red Dog to the big screen.
Matt Lopez has been set to write the script for the project, which will be a live-action/animated hybrid. Chris Meledandri will produce for Illumination Entertainment with Deborah Forte producing for Scholastic Media.
Clifford follows the adventures of a 25-foot-tall red dog and his owner, a child named Emily Elizabeth. The girl picked up the dog when he was a puppy and the runt of the litter, but her love for him made him grow super huge, so much so that the family had to move out of the big city to a New England-esque island town.
To be honest, I had no idea what the real plot of Clifford the Big Red Dog was until reading that little blurb and it sounds just delightful. He grew that big because of too much love? GET OUT OF TOWN! That sounds great! But in order to appeal to our generation, it’s going to need a little more “boom-boom-pow,” say. Something we, the iGeneration, can grab a hold of and never let go until something else flashes before our eyes and we forget about the first thing. Something like any or all of these things:
- Clifford has a female best friend who is also huge and a dog and she is voiced by Charlotte Gainsbourg and you can tell there’s something wrong with her emotionally.
- Clifford himself, although he wears a huge happy face to the world, often finds himself with deep malaise. He has everything a big red dog could want — a loving owner, someplace to play, a best friend voiced by Charlotte Gainsbourg — but he just doesn’t feel “happy” most of the time. Unless there is no true feeling as the “happiness” he strives to feel? Does everyone feel this way, he wonders?
- Emily Elizabeth’s family is huge on organic food and recycling, but only when other people are watching.
- Soundtrack by Carly Rae Jepsen and Isaac Brock.
- Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn.
Other suggestions are welcome, but I think we’re off to a good start!
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The song “Who Let The Dogs Out” should be used at some point in the film.
**record scratch** [cut to HUGE dog, pedestrians jaws drop]
You meant “will be”, right? Because it definitely will be.
Clifford is a Corgi who swings and that happens basically for 2 hours.
I wonder how the other, normal-dog-having, owners feel about Clifford. I wonder if they feel guilty for never loving their dogs enough. I wonder if this leads to hurt feelings. Which leads to anger. Which leads to revenge!
Clifford the Big Red Dog – The Red is from Blood.
That’s why chihuahuas are so small. They’re the worst and least loved dog.
Clifford is a Corgi on a trampoline and that happens basically for around 120 minutes.
Guys this is pretty easy.
i hear Lindsay Lohan is interested and Brett Ratner wants to direct.
Clifford is a dog named Stains who loves cupcakes, and his owner (played by Sinbad, but off camera) basically holds up a plate of Cupcakes for a running time of, I dunno, nearly 2 hours or so.
I am on board with what you have, Kelly. Especially the Charlotte Gainsbourg part. The only thing is maybe she can also do the soundtrack? I mean, just a suggestion. Throwing it out there for the people to decide, etc.
Of course, if everyone else is played by Tilda Swinton, that’d be cool too (oh hush, you all knew that was coming).
Well, she IS often referred to as Big Red…
it should be a sequel.
I love Charles Grodin. I will fight for him to be in this. FIGHT.
#Birdie4EmilyElizabeth
It should basically be a shot-for-shot remake of The Iron Giant, except with a dog instead.
Maybe they could finally address the giant poop issue?
I’m just curious if his poop is also red.
Only after he injured himself escaping from house arrest and fleeing to the U.S. embassy in Beijing.
In a delightfully existential subplot, Beethoven commits suicide citing his post-90s irrelevance and sufferage from the fact that animate objects and situations are encroaching on his ability to define himself, as the primary reason.
I think you’re onto something here. After Beethoven dies, he is reincarnated as Gary Busey, who has, himself, just been reincarnated as Quigley. Hijinks ensue.
A dark tale of revenge and redemption. Emily Elizabeth comes home to find her family gone. The only clue was from a dying neighbour who whispered half the location to her and the other half to the neighbour’s dog. She enlists the help of Clifford to enlist the help of the neighbour’s dog and they set off on a wild adventure together, hounded (ahahaha) by the evil county sheriff (RIP Lee Van Cleef). It takes place during the civil war. Soundtrack by Ennio Morricone.
Two Dogs for Sister Sara
Andy Serkis’ role of a lifetime. Dog’s life that is.
Gabe, you’d better start bringing Birdie to the gym with you if he’s gonna have any shot at the title role.
Or just loving her more.
Someone in the New England-esque island town snaps a “twitpic” and sends it to TMZ. Clifford and Emily Elizabeth have to move even FURTHER off the grid to avoid the paparazzi. After that it’s basically “Did You Hear About the Morgans?/For Richer or Poorer.