Top that. (Thanks for the tip, Dusty.)
“You poop like a child”
“You pee like Hugh Jackman”
“You Pee like Gerard Depardieu”
“You Pee like Liam Neeson”
“You are nothing like Gwyneth Paltrow”
“You didn’t name your child Moses or Apple.”
Technically those are compliments to your kids and assistants/ghost writers
I think I see her ghost writer!
Or was it this one? I always get my ghost riders confused.
Oof. Let’s try that again…
When the Hulk punched Thor in the Avengers, he was wishing it was Pepper Potts.
The Hulk punches Thor??!! You could have at least been polite enough to mark it with **Spoiler Alert**. You probably just ruined the movie for me.
Ed Hardy called my plain white tee-shirt the “ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen.”
That’s what you get for that “Hey There Delilah” nightmare.
When I lived in Rome, I was told that I was probably stationed there because I was “easy on the eyes.” I was told this by a man who had to be at LEAST in his 70s, who drooled when he laughed. I guess that counts.
“I like the way your drool sparkles in the moonlight when you laugh.”
-creepy old Roman
He actually wasn’t even Roman. He was American, said he was there for the first time in his life, on vacation. After I slipped away and came back when I was sure he was gone, the bartender informed me that he lives in Rome and comes out and tells that story to very young men every so often. I felt honored, really.
When in Rome. . .
“Apple and Moses are the most polite flyers.”
-Gwyneth Paltrow’s nanny
This baby is gwyneth paltrow:
In this metaphor, is the lion “reality”?
Whenever the flight attendants tell me that I’m the most polite flier they’ve ever seen, and then while they look away I turn around and make faces at Gwyneth Paltrow’s children, Moses and Apple, making sure they start crying and elicit stern looks from the attendants, who once held them in such high regard.
Are the minstrels riding unicycles?
Good file name choice. Very #hume.
A name that, along with the “+358″ tattoo he got on his right thumb to commemorate, is now IRREVERSIBLY OUTDATED.
“Hey you little champion! You’re such a good little champion!”
“I’ve seen smaller.”
didn’t realize you were john travolta’s masseuse.
LOL ^^^ naw, son. Don’t get it twizted.
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“you know i don’t normally like black guys but you’re kinda hot.” needless to say i left an upper decker in his toilet after we did the nasty (I was offended not stupid).
“wow, it’s so big you don’t even need to trim your bush, though you should.”
haha…knowing that–that he’s been repeating the same comment– his comment now seems kind of funny? I’m not sure if I’m OK with that.
“Christy will be America’s next great screenwriter.” A professor said this, without irony, in front of our class when I was 18. It still makes me smile and shake my head because America’s next great screenwriter is my favorite reality show.
Notice they don’t say they are the most polite kids…just polite fliers. “Plane slave, please bring me a hot cup of tea. 180 degrees… please.”
Someone pop her bubble.
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