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Celebrities have to deal with frivolous lawsuits sometimes. It’s easy for us to sit in our stupid, ugly, rat-infested civilian non-mansions and point fingers and laugh through the permanent blood cloud that hangs over our consumptive heads, but it’s a real thing! Kind of! They’ve got money, and sometimes people try to take that money via frivolous lawsuits. Then again, sometimes there are lawsuits that the celebrities claim are frivolous where you’re like, well, maybe some of the facts don’t line up and maybe from a purely legal standpoint this entire case should be thrown out SUSTAINED but it also definitely seems like there’s at least something going on here. Maybe you guys should work it out between the two of you behind closed doors away from our prying, not-even-a-little-bit-famous, puss-filled eyes filled with visions of our own failure and unspecialness, but you should definitely work something out because you both sound like liars. I’m not saying that John Travolta definitely grabbed a masseuse’s penis and then masturbated himself in front of him. That is what is alleged. He allegedly grabbed a masseuse’s penis and then masturbated himself in front of him. We’ll leave all of that for a jury to decide because America and the Salem Witch Trials. All I’m saying is that he definitely didn’t not do that. From TMZ:
John Travolta says the lawsuit claiming he sexually assaulted a masseur is a total lie … and that he was 2,475 miles from the place it supposedly happened.
Travolta’s rep tells TMZ … John was on the East Coast the day the masseur claims John got on the massage table and, among other things, allegedly grabbed the guy’s penis and then masturbated. The statement says, “This lawsuit is a complete fiction and fabrication. None of the events claimed in the suit ever occurred.”
John is confident he will get the case thrown out and will sue the attorney and the masseur for malicious prosecution.
REST YOUR CASE, CHARLIE WAX! On the one hand, pointing out that you were in a completely different city on the day that you were alleged to have grabbed a masseuse’s penis and then masturbated yourself in front of him is a very good defense. Possibly the best defense there is. On the other hand, something about it stinks up the joint. It feels like such a lifeless defense. “There’s no way it could have happened because I wasn’t even there. Had I been there, then it probably for sure would have happened, no duh, I love that stuff, but I wasn’t so it didn’t.” I’m not a lawyer but my defense would have been something like this: “Well, no.”
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Look who’s cocking
Jack/Off
“Go Greased colon your really gonna fly tonight! Greased colon! Go, greased colon!”
“I was 2,475 miles from the place where this supposedly happened… masturbating in front of an entirely different guy.” — Travolta
And John Travolta joins Elaine McLain underneath the Videogum bus…
“Well, no. I rest my case.”
Fixed.
Boner-feel Earth
Pump Friction
Travolta Movie or Gay Porn?
Hairspray
From Paris with Love
A love song for Bobby Long
Old Dogs
Wild Hogs
Lonely Hearts
Swordfish
Our Friend, Martin
Phenomenon
White Man’s Burden
Two of a Kind
Blow Out
Urban Cowboy
You’re right. Nobody would confuse Get Shorty for a gay porn title.
I didn’t say the list was comprehensive. There’s also
Michael
Ladder 49
The Taking of Pelham 123
Basements
Grease
The Devil’s Rain
Pretty much 90% of his resumé.
The Boy in the Bubble
could easily be thought of as gay midget thug porn.
Michael (here’s my number. Kelly is usually at Pilates on Friday afternoons, so that’s a good time to call.)
GREASE. Duh.
The “being in a different city” defense is pretty good, but I have an even better one: Who goes to a massage parlor to get THEMSELVES off?
scientologists.
well, it’s not cheating if you they don’t touch you, right?
Pulp Friction
I know of another thing that is complete fiction and a fabrication that John Travolta seems to be well hung up on. Well, I’m off to take a stress test. I’m worried at my thetan levels.
cross examination: “Aren’t you a pilot? Can you not very easily be in NY and LA on the same day? I myself received an HJ in a massage parlor in Tuscon this very morning, yet here I am in court.”
John Travolta is gay?!?! What the fuck!
Back in college, I knew an extremely rich kid. He did all the lame things that rich kids do like tons of drugs and orgies (read also – fun things), but somehow was nice. Anyway, his parents lived near Pebble Beach golf course and his dad was a member of the club house there. He said that John Travolta was notorious for trying to pick up guys in the sauna, and that he would rent this gingerbread looking cottage to have his trysts, ALLEGEDLY (scientology lawyers). This was back in like 2000-2001.
White Man’s Burden of Proof
Travolta films:
Brown Eye of an Angel
Broken Dildo
Mad (for dick) city or Mad City but replace the M & D with F&G
He’s so lovely
Primary Fuckers
The Generals Brother
Magnificent Anal Desolation: Fisting on the Moon
The Taking it from Pelham, 1,2,3, (at a time)