Photos
Oh perfect. Of all the days for Kelly to be out of “the office,” she picks the day when the photo of Zooey Deschanel without any makeup on is released. “Uh, Gabe, that’s kind of retrograde isn’t it? To assume that Kelly would or should want to cover something like this just because she’s a woman and that you somehow can’t or shouldn’t because you’re a man? We live in a post-Lena Dunham society and see also: Eracism.” Well, it’s funny that you used the word “retrograde,” person I’m now apparently having a conversation with who is real and not just a fictional counter-point for me to bounce my space-filling thoughts off of, because I saw someone use “retrograde” in an essay the other day and I’ve been using it A LOT ever since, especially in actual conversations at dinner and other places like dinner. It’s one of those words that I think is going to really catch on, not that it’s new, but in the style of “in my wheelhouse” and “on the nose” and “literally,” all those little linguistic fads that glom onto our communal language for a hot second (see also: hot second) before disappearing back into the dusty old thesaurai. It’s just a good word is my point! Anyway, uh, I don’t know the answer to your question. I could say that I think it’s funny to pretend like Kelly is going to want to (or have to) cover “girl stuff” when obviously she is a complete human being with all of the inherent complications and surprises that might entail with no particular obligation towards representing her gender, and may or may not cover those kinds of things based on her genuine interest but with no obligation or expectation in that direction, but to say that would probably elicit some kind of “The Complete Hipster Guide To Sexism” response and I don’t really feel like hearing that either. (For the record: that article is mostly fine, obviously, good even, but the #thuglife example is actually pretty off base and her description of what a joke like that is subtextually implying says a lot more about her than it does about the joker, in my opinion, which is not to say that the overall theme and spirit and finer points of the article aren’t to be applauded and taken into serious consideration but it’s too bad that she led with the #thuglife example just because it’s so wrong that it could make someone dismiss the other wholly valid things that she says about contemporary “non-racist” racism.) BUT LOOK AT ZOOEY’S FACE! SHE AIN’T GOT NO MAKE UP ON, LADIES! AHHHHHH! LADIES! THIS IS 40! YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR OWN ABORTION? I BROUGHT CUPCAKES FROM MAGNOLIA BECAUSE I’M A TOTAL CHARLOTTE. Kelly will be back Monday thank GOD. (Via HipsterRunoff.)
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Ending a headline with a preposition is SO quirky and adorkable!
BREAKING: A PICTURE OF ZOOEY DESCHANEL WITHOUT MAKEUP ON, ASSHOLE!
Better?
No, because that can be misconstrued to make me think I have to look at a picture of Zooey Deschanel’s asshole with no makeup, which, gross. Does bleach count as makeup?
we’ll have to wait for kelly to answer that on monday.
sorry.
Well, wait, no, it doesn’t mean that. I mean, if you’re going to be the Grammar Police then you should at least recognize that the comma makes it very clear that the headline isn’t referring to Zooey’s asshole but is calling the reader an asshole. Looks like someone has to throw THEMSELF in Boring Jail.
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Grammar burn!
If it said, “BREAKING: A PICTURE OF ZOOEY DESCHANEL’S ASSHOLE WITHOUT MAKEUP ON, ASSHOLE!” you would be correctly expecting a picture of Zooey Deschanel’s asshole, you asshole.
I can’t tell if Gabe’s comment is well-loved or not anymore. What gives?!
Seriously. I was all in good spirits this week because I kept seeing “well loved” by one of my comments. Now I’m just back to being the same old depressed me, at least until I start binge drinking in about an hour. Just so no one’s worried, I’d start binge drinking in about an hour regardless of whether or not I was depressed. Which I am. Since I’m no longer well loved.
Wait, so where IS the picture of Zooey’s asshole with no makeup on?
What, she does anal bleaching?
This isn’t Latin. Ending a sentence with a preposition is fine.
PLUS I think ‘on’ may be an adverb here?
This comment does not end in a preposition.
Good thread, guys.
Well she did start her song Teenage Dream with the line “You think I’m pretty without any makeup on”
wrong “adorkable” sentient bundle of quirks. you’re thinking of the KP2009 model.
They’ve come such a long way since the J5-1986 model
So I get that this is a joke about how she and Katy Perry look alike, but can we stop for a moment to discuss how WEIRD that song is? Singing earnestly about minors boning is never okay.
Not as weird as her singing about making out to Radiohead
remember, she is a robot.
it is when it’s catchy and you can dance to it.
I don’t think singing about minors boning is a weird topic. It’s just like addressing teenagers wearing impractical clothing. When will they ever get the chance again to have young bodies and wear ridiculously revealing clothing? They only get one shot! I’m not trying to be a creep here. Seriously- We only get one opportunity to do things as teenagers. It’s when we’re teenagers. Awful, awkward teenage sex is right there in the mix. “Write what you know.” -Katy Perry
J.K. Rowling is so weird, writing about minors stealing kisses and lusting after one another…
I used to be a minor you guys, and as I recall I favored minors boning. Favored it to a shocking, unrealistic extent.
Oh crap. This thread is from April. How did I get here?
Zooey SansChanel
Home-y Deschanel
It makes me wonder if Siri put her up to this, they seem to have a pretty good relationship and maybe Siri was all like “Zooey, you should not put on makeup for this photo shoot thing. Oh and what kind of soup do you want today?”
I forgot to include #nofilter
I thought she’d look like this:
Jo Calderone?
Zooey’s pretty.
I heard that facetaco without makeup looks more like facepizza. #AcneJokes
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That’s weird! The days I choose not to wear make up (which is too many days), people tend to put me on the Most Opposite of Most Beautiful List.
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She looks like a naturally beautiful woman in her 30s without false eyelashes on. That’s very nice. Truly.
I don’t know. It’s nice to have proof that her allure is not held together with foundation and eyelash glue but I didn’t ever suspect that she wasn’t born gorgeous.
It shouldn’t change how anyone feels about her (since she is obviously as divisive as politics, just like “Somebody That I Used To Know”) so oh well.
She looks nearly the same, which is refreshing.
Retrograde is a pretty sciency term there. If you want you can also use anterograde which is just the opposite.
SERIOUS ALERT: I think it’s just the type of paper this is printed on. It’s very matte.
Also – Serious Alerts are a new invention of mine. It’s like a spoiler alert that warns people that you’re not making a joke, so they can avoid the comment.
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If you’ve ever seen the movie All the Real Girls, this is basically what she looks like in that movie. It’s not that mind blowing really, she looks like herself but without pancake makeup and false eyelashes?
See, I actually liked her in All The Real Girls. And then after that I hated her. She wasn’t annoying as shit in that movie.
ew kill it with fire!!! am i the only one who notices how dead her eyes are? she’s like a zombie hipster… a zipster… no that’s not right… zomster?
finally, underneath all that make up, now she looks more age appropriate. she’s 32, yet she makes herself look like a 14 year old girl. god she’s so annoying.