Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi, Kelly
Kelly: How has your day been
Gabe: pretty good
Gabe: a pretty standard day
Gabe: here in America
Gabe: the Greatest Country on Earth
Kelly: Can’t complain about that
Kelly: My day has been fine too, THANKS FOR ASKING
Gabe: sorry, Kelly, but i feel like it’s important
Gabe: that we keep the lines very clearly drawn
Gabe: you are my employee, i don’t want to hear about your personal life
Gabe: just GET TO WORK
Gabe: oh and how about A LITTLE LESS TALK BACK
Gabe: one Tweet from me and you’ll never blog in this town again
Kelly: FINE I UNDERSTAND, GABE.
Gabe: DO YOU? BECAUSE THIS FEELS A LOT LIKE TALK BACK STILL, WHICH WE JUST DISCUSSED
Kelly: But also I’m going to get a haircut later, which I’m excited for, and my day has been fine!
Kelly: Now you know!!!!!!
Gabe: OH JESUS CHRIST, KELLY
Gabe: THE WORK DAY ISN’T OVER YET, I HOPE YOU ARE FOCUSED ON LINDSAY LOHAN’S RECENT CASTING AS ELIZABETH TAYLOR
Gabe: WHICH IS YOUR JOB
Gabe: AND NOT YOUR HAIRCUT
Gabe: WHICH IS LEISURE
Gabe: seriously, though, what are you thinking? The Rachel?
Kelly: The Rachel w/ zooey bangs
Gabe: she only got those bangs because she hates her forehead
Gabe: and THAT is a New Girl reference
Gabe: for all the New Girl heads out there
Kelly: I KNEW IT WAS!
Kelly: I don’t hate my forehead but I’d be getting them in solidarity
Kelly: Solidarity with fans of The New Girl
Kelly: Anyway this has been A LOT of chat about my haircut, Gabe, can you please stay out of my private life?
Kelly: Also: Did you watch Obama on Late Night last night?
Gabe: not really, but i heard about it somewhere
Gabe: i think it was on someone’s tumblr or something
Gabe: now that you mention it where DID i see that?
Gabe: so random
Gabe: almost missed it
Gabe: what’s he up to?
Gabe: was he promoting a new movie?
Kelly: Oh, no, I don’t know
Kelly: It seemed like he was promoting student loans
Gabe: love those things
Kelly: Him too, apparently. Would not shut up about them.
Kelly: So would you say that the fact Obama was on Jimmy Fallon’s show last night
Kelly: A. Made you want to vote for him
Kelly: B. Made you NOT want to vote for him
Kelly: C. You aren’t voting
Gabe: great questions!
Gabe: still on the fence
Gabe: hoping Herman Cain gets back in the mix
Kelly: Oh, sure
Gabe: and we’ll have to compare
Gabe: Mitt Romney’s inevitable
Gabe: late night comedy debut
Gabe: see how he does
Gabe: before we make any decisions
Gabe: on who should run the country
Kelly: You’re right. It’s too early to say.
Gabe: “I vote for the guy I most want to Slow Jam the Beers with”
Kelly: “I vote for the guy who would agree to appear with Stefon on Weekend Update.”
Gabe: the grand tradition of politicians appearing on comedy shows is so wonderful, don’t ever stop doing that, politicians!
Gabe: love it
Gabe: it’s always funny AND it provides a good understanding of their policy positions and leadership effectiveness
Kelly: Well, Mitt Romney seems to be a true stickler for putting the comedy first from his quote, “Of course it would depend on the nature of the skit. I want it to be funny.”
Gabe: if there is one person who you just trust
Gabe: to know whether something is funny or not
Gabe: it’s Mitt Romney
Gabe: he’s the Commander in Laffs
Kelly: He’s not just going to do ANY skit, just to show his big face off
Gabe: if you’re a comedy writer in America and Mitt Romney’s heading to the studio
Gabe: get out the red pen
Gabe: because he’s about to make you kill your babies or whatever
Gabe: he’s pro life except when it comes to BAD JOKES
Kelly: SNL’s Seth Meyers thinks that appearing on SNL won’t help Mitt Romney anyway
Gabe: will it help anyone?
Gabe: i honestly don’t understand why anyone does these things
Kelly: It helped LINDSAY LOHAN
Kelly: jk it didn’t
Gabe: it seems like such a lose-lose situation
Kelly: I mean, I think that the only reason a lot of people do them
Kelly: Is because if you don’t
Kelly: Then it’s like A THING
Kelly: That you didn’t
Gabe: best case scenario, people who already like you will continue to like you
Gabe: the people who don’t like you will like you even less
Gabe: but even the people who might like you
Gabe: might like you less
Gabe: and the people who like you more because of it
Gabe: are BUFFOOOOONS
Kelly: Who knows, Gabe
Kelly: It’s just an idea that has been embedded in our cultural worldview
Kelly: That if someone is running for office
Kelly: They should probably go on SNL and poke fun at themselves
Kelly: Because if they don’t they are not loose enough
Kelly: To be president of the united states
Kelly: Has Obama ever been on SNL?
Gabe: he was on SNL very early on
Kelly: Oh, right, ok
Gabe: i agree with you about the
Gabe: comparison thing
Gabe: like, if one candidate does it
Gabe: then the other one has to do it
Gabe: or else he looks like a stick in the mud
Gabe: or SOMETHING
Gabe: which is ridiculous
Kelly: Yes, certainly ridiculous
Kelly: Because rarely are the candidates NOT sticks in the mud
Kelly: On the show anyway
Gabe: well there are two issues
Gabe: 1. even non-sticks in the muds can be unfunny on a tv show
Gabe: 2. not being a stick in the mud isn’t a prerequisite to being president
Gabe: which brings me back
Gabe: to the lose-lose proposition
Gabe: i mean, that’s the crazy thing also, right?
Gabe: you are running for president of the united states
Gabe: but you’re worried about being thought to be a stick in the mud
Gabe: WORRY ABOUT SOME OTHER STUFF, MY MAN!
Gabe: there are a lot of things for the president to be worried about
Gabe: besides whether or not people enjoy his Gilly sketch
Kelly: I mean
Kelly: In a perfect world a person’s vote would not be influenced
Kelly: based on whether or not the candidate seemed like a stick in the mud
Kelly: But probably sometimes that is at least a contributing factor?
Kelly: To SOME people?
Kelly: And a vote is a vote
Gabe: i mean, there is research that shows that the president is actually decided
Gabe: by whether or not it’s raining out
Gabe: on election day
Kelly: I guess then, like you have been saying, just as likely there are people whose vote would be influenced another way, if they thought the person wasn’t taking their job seriously enough
Kelly: By wasting time on comedy shows
Kelly: so who even cares
Gabe: just quit
Gabe: everybody quit it
Gabe: i will vote for the first presidential candidate
Gabe: who refuses to participate in this silliness
Kelly: You said that in a chat, you can’t take that back
Gabe: i’m not taking it back
Kelly: What if Mitt Romney doesn’t find a skit funny enough to participate in????
Gabe: then i will vote for him
Gabe: for one thing
Gabe: there are very few candidates in the history of politics
Gabe: who have been more desperate for people to like them and have flailed harder to get them to do so
Gabe: than Mitt Romney
Gabe: that fucker is going to be on Weekend Update with vaseline on his teeth
Gabe: before this chat is over
Kelly: You are right
Gabe: his momentary hesitation
Gabe: is like when Barack Obama refused to wear an American flag pin in 2008
Gabe: except that the flag pin thing actually seemed to have a genuinely thoughtful principal behind it
Gabe: and Mitt Romney is just scared that one of the prop Gabe: walls on a fake SNL game show will fall down
Gabe: and rip the skin sheath over his robot exoskeleton
Gabe: and we’ll all see the gears smoking behind his smile
Kelly: LOL they should do that as his sketch
Gabe: LOL or Die