gabe: you’re going to see he’s just not that into you, aren’t you
gabe: unless you already saw it
gabe: last night at midnight
gabe: “faster FANDANGO”
lindsay: Yeah, actually, I’m dragging six people to it tomorrow night
gabe: do you feel any shame?
lindsay: And actually, there WAS one 12:01 screening last night in the NYC metro area
lindsay: at a mall
lindsay: in paramus, NJ
lindsay: No, I feel excitement
gabe: are you going to buy a couple extra copies of
gabe: our bodies ourselves
gabe: in order to make up for it
lindsay: because we’re bringing a bunch of those little bottles of wine

gabe: wine?
gabe: no cosmos?
lindsay: well the guy is probably bringing rum to put in his coke
lindsay: there’s a guy!
gabe: hahaha “the guy”
lindsay: actually, I’ll have you know that TWO guys have verbally rsvpd.
lindsay: we shall see though
gabe: anyway
lindsay: We’re going to play a drinking game
lindsay: like, a silent one, because we’re not obnoxious movie talkers
gabe: what is it called?
lindsay: (except in the happening)
gabe: Reinforcing the Glass Ceiling?
gabe: somehow i find it more upsetting that you think you’re seeing this ironically
lindsay: it’s called Drink Every Time Anyone Says Text, Call, or MySpace.
lindsay: No, I’m seeing it because I truly believe it will entertain me
lindsay: And as my friend Jess says, we’re “vaginally obligated” to see it.
gabe: well, i guess that makes sense
gabe: since i am penilely obligated to think it looks boring and stupid
lindsay: hahahaa
gabe: men are from mars women are from that looks boring
gabe: you should wait and do a confessions of a shopaholic double feature
gabe: and then you should eat all the chocolates and put your pumps in the bottom drawer of your desk
gabe: ACK!

lindsay: Oh no way
lindsay: that movie looks DUMBBBB
lindsay: HJNTIY will meet my cinematic vaginal obligation for 2009
lindsay: Hey, did you know that they never say ‘he’s just not that into you” in the movie?
lindsay: that’s like, the gimmick
lindsay: another gimmick: everyone is in it
lindsay: you and I are actually in it
gabe: that is the gimmick?
lindsay: as extras
gabe: that is not a gimmick
gabe: or is it going to be like
gabe: constantly almost saying it?
gabe: “he’s just not that into — oh, hold on, i have to take this call.”
lindsay: HAHAHA
lindsay: that would be awesome
gabe: your definition of awesome
gabe: is not the same as my definition of awesome
lindsay: he’s just not that into you, the phrase, would be like the neighbor on home improvement
gabe: more like
gabe: the hidden penis in Austin Powers movies
lindsay: yeah
lindsay: that too
gabe: because of how hilarious that was
lindsay: oddly I thought of barts penis in the simpsons movie but not that
gabe: it always comes back to bart’s penis with you
gabe: i feel like your fixation on cartoon penises might go a long way towards explaining
gabe: your interest in seeing this movie
lindsay: So the point of he’s just not that into you
lindsay: seems to be that if a guy doesn’t call you right away he doesn’t like you
lindsay: So where, I ask
lindsay: does that leave Vince Vaughn’s character in Swingers??????

lindsay: can both movies exist at the same time?
lindsay: There’s a 3 day rule, everyone knows that
gabe: swingers?
gabe: let me get back into my time machine and double check
gabe: swingers is pre-9/11 lindsay
gabe: the world is changed
gabe: we can’t love each other like we did before terrorism
lindsay: Oh, okay. That’s all I needed to know.
gabe: i feel like the point of he’s just not that into you
gabe: is that there are telltale signs that someone isn’t interested
gabe: that women chose to ignore in the pursuit of unrealistic romantic goals
gabe: that are perpetuated by movies like he’s just not that into you
gabe: CIRCLE OF LIFE HAKUNA MATATA
lindsay: How about a SPOILER ALERT!
lindsay: There’s no point in even seeing it now
gabe: sure there is, don’t you want someone to tell you that the way your living your life is inadequate?
lindsay: When you came out of Iron Man did you feel inadequate?
gabe: yes
gabe: of course i did
lindsay: oh
gabe: i can’t do fucking anything cool at all
lindsay: I didn’t. Pepper Pots has a really shitty job.
gabe: but if you are comparing iron man as the counter-equivalent of he’s just not that into you
gabe: i think the male adolescent fantasies of being invincible and having super powers and blowing shit up and fighting everyone
gabe: are still better than the female adolescent fantasies of finding mr. right
lindsay: Sure, me too, because that was never my fantasy either.
lindsay: So we should get some lame girly girl in here to fight that fight
gabe: what was your fantasy? Baby Boom?
lindsay: I wanted to be a writer. done.
gabe: boring
lindsay: well, at least I did mine
gabe: who wants to be a writer?
lindsay: how much shit have you blown up?
gabe: at least i have goals
gabe: to always strive towards

lindsay: I have goals. I want to live in a tree house someday.
gabe: hahahhaha
gabe: take it easy julia butterfly
lindsay: No, like the one Sam Rockwell had in Charlie’s Angels that Drew Barrymore fell out of.
lindsay: It ALL COMES BACK TO DREW BARRYMORE
gabe: you should avoid basing any of your life goals on charlie’s angels movies
gabe: unless your goal is to be the worst
lindsay: Have you seen that fucking house? It was fucking awesome.
lindsay: Anyway, enough about treehouses.
gabe: well, if you marry someone rich maybe he will buy it for you
gabe: my real problem with HJNTIY is just that it looks so boring
lindsay: And that, my friend
lindsay: Is where the BOTTLES OF WINE come in.
lindsay: Two bottles in, it could be any movie
gabe: where do the half-dozen cats and the crushing loneliness after a lifetime of hoping for something that doesn’t exist come in?
lindsay: that’s He’s Just Not That Into You 2: Still Not.