Wait, so what happens next?

On last night’s season finale, Luke beat out Femi (and Chris) to win a Los Angeles apartment and a Scion. Congratulations. But let’s not forget that he also won the friendship of Brody Jenner. Right? Isn’t that what this contest is all about? Like, when Chris was eliminated in the first half of the episode, Brody explained that it was because he was more there for the lifestyle than he was there for Brody. Gay. But, if that’s true, then that means that Luke was more there for Brody than he was for the lifestyle? Because he seemed to be really into the lifestyle at the end when he won all that lifestyle.

As weird as having a reality show in order to find a friend may be, and that is very weird, I think it’s even weirder to hold out expensive prizes for the winner as incentive to want to hang out with you. I know that I’m putting a lot of effort into deconstructing a mostly silly show intended for I have no idea whom, but for some reason I am more than willing to accept this show on its own terms, and those terms demand that a lot of really interesting and complicated questions get answered. So it should be no surprise that I mostly just feel…unsatisfied.

Not that there weren’t great moments:

When Luke took Brody back to Massachusetts to meet his friends, we were treated to one of the most unmanaged reality TV moments ever.

Like, sure, they made it look like Brody held his own and scored a bunch of come-back points, but this is typical of the show’s willingness to let its subject be ridiculed. Because this seems like a really realistic depiction of what would happen to Brody if he left the confines of his tanned Los Angeles hideout. He would get called a pretty boy by some dude named Buttertooth and have to field countless taunting questions about Spencer Pratt’s vagina. And of course, no moment of Bromance would be complete without some kind of hyper-layered homoeroticism. In this case, the suggestion that Brody needs defending, like a damsel in distress, by a man who truly cared about him. Incredible.

The other great moment was the final elimination in which Luke walked into his brand new apartment, and Femi walked into…Saw VI.

I have no idea what Femi is ever talking about. I’m glad that he is going back to Florida and irrelevance. I’m also glad that this show is insane.

But none of this answers my question: now what? Because, with a standard dating reality show, there are two options: the couple can stay together, or the couple can break up, and usually they break up. But friendship is different. Having second and third and fourth and ninth and fiftieth seasons of dating shows, even with the same host, is plausible. Sometimes things don’t work out, but you keep dating. But the idea that someone, in this case Brody, needs to try again to find a friend because the last one was not cool to hang out with it turned out is a weird premise. (As if everything about this is not the weird premise.)

In any case, I wish Brody and Luke the best of luck. I hope that they stay friends forever. And never get sexually bored with each other.