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Dear Total Film Magazine,
I know that it can be hard to let go of a grudge. If someone wrongs you — say, they flirted with your boyfriend even though they knew you were dating him, or they gave you a very backhanded compliment in front of all of your friends, or they decided that the thing that was “your thing” for, like, ever was suddenly also “their thing” and now it’s like whenever people talk about they say, “Oh yeah, that’s your guys’ thing, right?” And you’re like, uh, NO, that’s MY THING. Or maybe they starred in the film adaptation of one of your favorite books, The Nanny Diaries, and ruined it for you forever. We’re all human, and to be human is to hurt other humans. But there comes a point where you have to realize that holding onto that anger is hurting you more than it’s hurting them. Total Film Magazine, we all saw your recent Avengers-themed cover. We see what’s going on. Scarlett Johansson’s face looks like she’s doing a pretty good Vincent D’onofrio impression from his roles in either Full Metal Jacket or Men In Black, and we know that’s not what she looks like normally! She is normally quite beautiful, and she’s even famous for it. So I’m not sure what you think you’re doing here, Total Film. To put it plainly, you’re only embarrassing yourself. Let it go, whatever it is. Maybe join a book club or a pool league? Just get out there, enjoy life, and put Scarlett Johansson in your past. You deserve it. I promise.
Love,
All of us
(Via ONTD.)
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It’s probably the person who USED to diagnose Woody Allen’s skin tags.
More importantly, WHAT is Jeremy Renner wearing???
He’s wearing a major stink face.
“This is a war movie!” -Joss Whedon
“This is a bore movie!” -topknot
“This isn’t a fun and flashy superhero blockbuster, it’s War Horse 2!” Whedon just GETS marketing. Must be why he’s had so many smash hits.
“Buffy is a sports show!” -Joss Whedon
I’m totally all for tearing apart quotes from showbiz people. Heck, this site is practically Tearing Apart Celebrity Quotes University (TACQU), so I in no way want anyone to stop tearing apart pull quotes.
“This is a war movie!” is a quote that I hope is accurate, in that, I don’t think anyone wants the Avengers to be BORING. All the Marvel films have ranged from average to slightly above average to good/ok superhero fare, and part of that quality, I feel, is because they were made under constraints of a shared universe, taking time to build up Avengers stuff (some definitely more than others, with IM2 suffering the most from this assigned duty). I just hope the decisions made to bring all of these cinematic versions of the comic characters together is worth it.
So “This is a war movie” is something I hope is true. War movies are usually action-heavy, with two sides fighting for victory. In Avengers, ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ must unite to ward off an alien invasion. Sounds like Independence Day (We’re going to SUH-vive!) but with super powers. I’m down with that, and I’m cautiously letting my expectations stray into the positive, as I do believe in Whedon’s abilities to create compelling, fun content like he’s done with every single on of his shows.
KajusX is better known as the president of our University’s ‘Interesting Thoughts Organization’ (better known as TACQUITO)
I agree that this movie looks like a lot of fun and I’m definitely going to see it, which is why the description of “war movie” throws me. I feel basically the exact opposite to you about the term. Whenever I hear it, I don’t picture something interesting and action heavy, I picture a very dull, tired, possibly-Spielberg-produced prestige drama and there’s really nothing I’d rather watch less at this point. Obviously this is not what the film will actually be, but that’s exactly what that quote brings to mind for me, personally. I also would definitely not describe Independence Day as a war movie either, though, so maybe we’re just on different boats. I guess there is technically a war in it, but it’s a sci-fi action film! Which sounds much more fun! You know you’re getting popcorn with a description like that.
I hear you on the War Movie thing. ‘War Movie’ is basically synonymous with Spielberg these days. He and Clint Eastwood have really run with the pure, atrocity-ridden ‘grave-ness’ of war (Saving Private Ryan, War Horse, Flags of Our Fathers, Letters From Iwo Jima, etc, etc).
But The Dirty Dozen is a war movie. The Great Escape is a war movie. So are Inglourious Basterds, Black Hawk Down, Empire of the Sun, Rescue Dawn, Memphis Belle, The Matrix, Casablanca, Dr. Strangelove, The Star Wars Trilogy, Mars Attacks!, Braveheart, Platoon, AVATAR, Aliens, The Road Warrior, Dances With Wolves, and The Hurt Locker.
If anything, ‘War Movie’ is actually WAY TOO BROAD a term, since it’s not really a genre, it’s a situation. That pull quote is actually super-worthy of criticism on whoever decided to pull that quote out of its context and slap it on the cover, or Whedon himself if that is actually his pitch for The Avengers.
I do agree that ‘Sci-Fi Action Film’ sounds much more fun.
Polythene Pam, I just googled ‘tacquito,’ and according to urban dictionary it is worth of offense.
We are now at odds, you and I!
*worthY of offense
Oh, don’t be such a facetaco about it.
Fair enough!
To be fair, all of them look like they are in various stages of pooping. Maybe the catering was all yogurt?
Maybe Jamie Lee Curtis was directing the shoot.
they hired her for her dependability and punctuality in delivering solid material.
I actually think it looks like she’s doing the pooping and the other two are wondering where that smell is coming from.
All snark aside, that’s definitely a pretty normal Johansson face that she does a bunch. I think it’s her “serious.” Chris Evans, on the other hand, looks like he just got braces right before the shoot and he is not happy about it.
chris evans? i thought that was Self-Aware Channing Tatum?
This is accurate
Holy crap, Scarlett Johansson has a face?
every piece of marketing and promotional footage for this movie has been abysmal. between the horrible photoshopping of the teaser poster to the various magazine covers, it’s as if they’re just letting kindergarteners take a stab at this for an art project.
with that said, I’ll probably be there opening weekend, despite the predictability of such a film with Iron Man, Captain America and The Hulk.
You mean the predictability that this film will be GREAT, or the predictability that Iron Man is gonna get hammered, piss off The Hulk, and they’re gonna have a fight that destroys an entire city while Captain America hides behind his shield the whole time?
The kickassness of the above aforementioned film. I get giddy around all comic book movies.
And she still looks better than I imagine I would look on a magazine cover. Goddamn it. I’m going back to bed.
Silly Total Film Magazine, that’s not what comic book women look like.
First of all they don’t have internal organs.This is not the face of a superhero. This is the face of a guest character from the 80′s TV show Mama’s Family..
I never expected Scarlett to play a superhero.
I realized a while back that my subconscious completely removed all association with Scarlett’s Black Widow and the actual comic book character; a Russian-speaking-and-accented, Cold War-inspired, Female-James-Bond-type. Molotv Cocktease from the Venture Bros is a caricature, but basically behaves exactly how the Black Widow would behave. Scarlett is playing Black Widow Dress Up in a crazy way, and I’ve just rolled with it, however stiff she may and will be. Weird.
Speaking of which, SlashFilm has posted youtube videos of Polish voiced/dubbed tv spots of individual Avengers characters. The Black Widow one is 49 seconds, and even though it’s Polish, it sounds close enough to Russian that really does improve Scarlett’s Black Widow.
http://youtu.be/Xu_K1uW8X08
Actually, that’s Becky from “Roseanne”.