When I found out that there was going to be a documentary on HBO tonight about disgraced hypocrite Ted Haggard (Jesus Camp) who used to be a big fancy megachurch preacher and BFF with George Bush until it came out that he had regular sex with a male prostitute and also did crystal meth, I will admit: I was full of glee. Ted Haggard’s fall from power felt a lot like pretty, pretty justice in 2006, and the parts where he kept making up 4-year-old-level lies like “I bought the drugs, but then I threw them away” until he finally couldn’t lie anymore were simply comedy gold.

BUT NOW OBAMA IS PRESIDENT and the world is a kinder place.

Ted Haggard is a broken man. He’s a pariah. He can barely support his family as an unsuccessful traveling insurance salesman. And he feels compassion for other human beings and tries not to judge others now. So that means the glee is dead. Yesterday’s Oprah was devoted to Haggard, who promoted the HBO documentary and talked about his life, which was sort of odd because the documentary itself is only 41 minutes long. Anyway, Alexandra Pelosi’s documentary, The Trials Of Ted Haggard, airs tonight at 8pm on HBO. Here’s the trailer:

I hate to say this, but poor guy. (Ted will also appear on Larry King Live immediately following the documentary.)

Comments (25)
  1. Sweet sweet justice.

  2. tontobeefy  |   Posted on Jan 29th, 2009 +4

    Poor guy?!? He has time to whine and time for golf. I bet he is at least a 7 handicap.

  3. I like how the closing line is “In this stage in my life, i’m a loser.”
    I hope that’s the closing line to the actual documentary too. You know how documentaries offer glimmers of hope or redemption by the end? No. None of that. Just “I’m a loser” and roll credits.

  4. Karma. Oh good, sweet karma.

  5. “I bought the homosexual anal intercourse, but then I threw it away.”

  6. Obviously not as much as Mickey Rourke, but I think his face also looks like a piece of meat, KIND OF….

    Also, I don’t feel bad for him. AT ALL. I think it’s sad when anyone says “Didn’t make any money this week….” but when he says it it is slightly less sad. There are people who are poor and simultaneously not revolting human beings.

  7. Let us bow our heads in prayer for Ted Haggard.
    “Dear God, thank you for bringing us this fucking sweet, sweet justice.”

  8. Holy shit I thought that was Patrick Swayze.

  9. HB  |   Posted on Jan 29th, 2009 +2

    feel a little bad for him, but not much. I just wonder: do he and his wife have no other marketable job skills beyond being a pastor? You can’t work at McDonald’s to make ends meet?

    • Apparently not….although I’d be willing to bet there are way more institutions in the US other than the Evangelical church that will hire you based off the sole criterion of being a terrible person.

  10. Laura  |   Posted on Jan 29th, 2009 +3

    Wow, I hope that when I lose my social standing I can sit and ponder in the desert Ted Haggard-style.

  11. freckle  |   Posted on Jan 29th, 2009 +1

    Is marketng your new movie the path to redemption? Sorry, but I feel compasson for people who do good things and are victims of tragedy, not a hypocrite who’s not in power anymore.

  12. Is it just me, or does he look like Stifler after 30 years, a drinking problem and many years in a van down by the river?

  13. Selena  |   Posted on Jan 30th, 2009 +3

    Hey, cut the man some slack! Honestly! Who hasn’t bought meth and sex from a prostitute?

    And really, he should quit whining- because the Motel 6 he’s staying at is tip top

  14. What bothers me most about this is how his church kind of turned their back on him. Not very christ-like, christ people.

    I hope he has asked for forgiveness from the Lord so he can go to heaven and have 70 virgin vaginas.
    For all of eternity.
    Forever and ever, Amen.
    Fucker.

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  16. kurt  |   Posted on Jan 30th, 2009 0

    is he not aware that he could totally make bank by getting a show on vh1 now?

  17. Jhon  |   Posted on Jan 30th, 2009 +1

    So, how FUCKING INSANE do you have to be to complain about your lifestyle and income on A FUCKING GOLF COURSE! Fuck this guy and fuck his stupid wife for staying with him.

  18. edc  |   Posted on Jan 31st, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  19. You can steal from your congregation and they’ll just smile and say you must have needed the money. But you let a little cum dribble down your chin and no one will give you a hug.

  20. potio lords  |   Posted on Feb 3rd, 2009 +2

    a textbook case of self hate

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