INT. PSA DEVELOPMENT CONFERENCE ROOM – NIGHT
Three men in rumpled suits sit slumped around a table littered with Chinese take-out boxes and crushed, empty Styrofoam coffee cups. One man gets up and moves to an orange and brown-colored coffee maker on a sideboard in the corner of the room. He pulls a fresh Styrofoam cup off the top of a stack, and lifts the coffee pot, which has a thick sludge of lukewarm, bitter coffee dregs shifting at the bottom.
What do you think you’re doing?
If we’re going to be here past 9, I need coffee.
No you don’t. Coffee is for closers.
The second man dejectedly puts down the coffee pot and slumps back into his seat.
Read back what we’ve got.
Kids’ health, kids’ safety, got to keep kids healthy and safe, what do kids love? Kids love candy. That’s it.
What if we have a police officer who arrests kids who are sick and takes them to jail, and at the end it says “Don’t Get Sick, Kids, For Your Own Good.”
No. But sick kids is good. How did the kids get sick?
They ate poison.
They ate poison? What poison?
OK, I think that’s a little specific.
They put Cyanide in their mouths!
OK, you guys need to relax on the Cyanide thing.
Hey, kids, don’t put that Cyanide in your mouths.
Man 1 puts his head in his hands. A SECRETARY enters the room and tells Man 1 that his wife is on the phone. He excuses himself. Man 2 and Man 3 sit in absolute silence until he returns.
Well? Any progress?
I really think this Cyanide thing is going to work.
Gary, you’re killing me here.
Well, if we can’t say Cyanide, what if we just made the whole thing into a vague, innuendo-laden song that kind of sounds like it’s about penises?
Don’t put it in your mouth until you ask someone you love. It being a penis! Or a knife! I could imagine kids putting “things” in their mouths all night!
Boys, I think we might be onto something. Gloria!
The Secretary returns to the conference room.
Gloria, could you make a fresh pot of coffee for these closers. We’ve got some poorly imagined double-entendres to create!
(Thanks for the tip, Cole.)