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Wait a second. After “retiring” from acting last fall, Joaquin Phoenix has now decided to turn his attention to rapping? Like rap-rapping? And he actually did this? In public? In front of other human beings? Who does he think he is, Shaquille O’Neil? From People:

“After all the years of reading scripts and reading lines, this is my chance to do something straight from the heart and put it out there,” he said. And why hip-hop? “When I was young I liked punk rock music but then I discovered rap. I love the storytelling aspect of hip-hop.”

Phoenix said he was prepared for mixed feedback before taking the stage. “Are there people out there who think I’m a joke? I’m sure there will be,” he told PEOPLE. “Are there people who think it’s going to suck? Probably, but I can’t worry about that.”

After all the years of reading scripts and reading lines, this is his chance to go to the hospital and get the part of his brain that makes decisions checked out. Because WHOOPS, it’s clearly broken. Last weekend he performed three songs at a Las Vegas nightclub, and now there is a video of Joaquin Phoenix rapping terribly at a Las Vegas nightclub, like that’s a thing that exists now. It exists after the jump.

(thanks for the tip, James)

You know, with his new look, this whole thing seems like some kind of Zach Galifianakisian performance art mindfuck intended to alienate and confuse the audience, with the one major difference being that it’s neither alienating nor confusing, just lame and delusional. Take it easy, Josh Fierce.

Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? You are not entertained.

Comments (13)
  1. I totally had that Shaq album when I was eight and couldn’t appreciate irony or good music and still liked sports.

    It was pretty good.

  2. Davis Bell  |   Posted on Jan 20th, 2009

    I have to believe that the above is in some way related to this: http://www.hollywood.com/news/Herzog_Helped_Phoenix_from_Car_Wreckage/3478562

  3. Yikes. After an abysmal showing, Joaquin had his rapping license revoked by the High Chancellors of Hip Hop.

    http://weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/joaquin-phoenixs-rapping-license-revoked/

  4. you missed the best part of that article, where he says something like “this is my chance to tell my story”, which puts everything in a brand new light. we can’t be hard on him, he just wants to tell his story. you know, the one where he’s a big oscar-nominated millionaire actor who has sex with eva mendes.

    it’s all very hip-hop, and we need to give the guy a break.

  5. It’s a trick. Arm yourselves. Don’t open the door for strangers. It’s cinematic Punk’d. White actors don’t rap.

  6. katie  |   Posted on Jan 20th, 2009

    there’s another video somewhere of this same performance, but when he goes to leave, he accidentally falls into the audience.

  7. whaaa? but he was….. now hes…….. and it dosent………i give up.

  8. I think there is no better use of one’s celebrity. Most people can’t just be like “hey, I want to be a professional baseball player next season” and show up and have people snicker about it, but also sort of take you seriously and you actually do get to play baseball at the end of the day. But if you’re Michael Jordan then you can actually do that, and really not doing it because you don’t want people to laugh at you is pretty weak.

  9. What’s wrong with his BODY? Why is he moving like that? You know, he kind of looks like Vincent Gallo now. Probably not a good thing.

  10. i have a feeling that beneath that shirt, his belly is moving completely independently of the rest of his body.

    just a hunch.

  11. Somebody needs to tell his agent to swing away.

  12. Is Shaquille O’Neil any relation to Shaquille O’Neal?

  13. kobe, tell me how my ass taste

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