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It’s hard to believe that just a few short months ago the town was divided into two teams, and this rag tag gang of rough and tumble players didn’t look like they’d be able to win a single game, much less make it all the way to the biggest game of the year, state. That’s what’s on tonight, right? State? Look, I’m not going to say that ALL I know about football I learned from a critically acclaimed but largely unwatched network family drama, but it’s probably fair to say that 60 percent of what I know about football comes from Friday Night Lights. And 30 percent comes from Peanuts comics. The remaining 10 percent is actually artichoke dip! But here we are. The Super Bowl! It’s AMERICA’S GAME! Whether you are watching it with your beer-hat-wearing best buds in the flatbed of a pickup truck in a parking lot somewhere (see? I get sports) or if you’re cuddled up on the couch with your 100 cats and a cup of hot tea, whether you just want to see that impossibly annoying fucking Jerry Seinfeld car commercial or if you actually do care whether one team gets more scorepoints than the other team in their pants and their hats, stick with your fellow Monsters for the minute-by-minute play-by-play. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME COMMMMMMENNNNNNTS?!
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IT’S HERE!!!
I’m ready for the incoming nightmare of a halftime show that’ll be.
UGH IM STUCK AT TARGET GAME IS ABOUT TO START AND I STILL CAN’T FIND A “BABY’S FIRST SUPER BOWL” ONESIE
I’m stuck at work
at least we have a tv.
I’m stuck on you
Target sells sharpies, problem solved.
HAVE I MISSED ANY FUNNY ADS
Yes. Get this: Some company wants us to drink domestic light beer. Good one “Bud Light.”
I’m ready for PUPPY BOWL!!!
I just called for a pizza, the guy laughed in the phone for 2 minutes, then told me they’re too busy to deliver right now but he’ll put my order at the top of the pile. Also, if I don’t get my pizza within the next 30 hours it’s free.
My predictions:
Pats trail by halftime, win by at least 8 points.
Peyton Manning cries.
Bill Belichick chews on his sweatshirt.
Ocho Cinco gets 35 yards.
Eli Manning shrugs 4 times.
Pats trail by halftime, win by at least 8 points.
Pats trail by halftime, win by at least 8 points.Pats trail by halftime, winby at least 8 points
Pats trail by halftime, win by at least 8 points.I love how there’s an audible “awww” for the coin toss. Peeps love to bet on dumb things.
I bet you 7 upvotes that the first score is a field goal.
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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Kudos on the article picture by the way. Very fitting photo. You made sure it was the right sport and everything!
Wait, THAT”S foot ball?
True Fact: Did you know the halftime of the superbowl is the half hour period in which the most toilets are flushed around the world?
GO VIKES!!!
I hope Tom Brady never puts a helmet on, right?
Boo! I’m stuck at home doing SCHOOL WORK! I don’t have TV channels, just Netflix! I thought this open thread would see me through, but I don’t even get to watch Tom Brady be handsome OR Madonna (it’s Madonna, right?) pop a nipple at the half time show! MY LIFE IS OVER!!
Things get more exciting if I think of this as Susan G. Komen vs Planned Parenthood.
FUMBLE FOR MOST VALUABLE PUPPY!!
Two touchdowns before the end of the second half? This kid has skills.
Aussie sibs were amazing!
Is there a place where you can watch the puppy bowl online, perchance?
The highlights are here:
http://animal.discovery.com/tv/puppy-bowl/
Fumble won! My campaigning worked!!
Why didn’t the Giants attempt a rouge?
#CanadianFootballHumour
I’m eating a bowl of Flutie Flakes in honour of this
Flavor Flav is so much richer than you.
Hold me closer, giant paycheck!– Elton John
19-0 Giants
9-0 Sorry. Why did i think 19-0? Oh right, sorry about that Patriot fans.
Guys, Fry from Futurama is a naked M&M!
Literal quote from the Battleship promo: “From Hasbro The company that brought Transformers”
Fuck, Canadian Ads. The worst. I’ve seen this goddamn Hyundai Sasquatch ad 3 times now…It doesn’t even make sense!
I do like the Budweiser Old Timer League ad though, reminds me of my days as an old timer
I was rooting for the generals! Damn you other team! Forget you, budweiswer.
Instead of watching the commericals, lets all look at this picture from the Toronto Zoo
He’s our generation’s Knut. (Though hopefully not an asshole like Knut.)
R.I.P. Knut. #neverforget
Who is Knut?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Eob2SkBd2cU/TYx7dsFOYpI/AAAAAAAALvM/bYAkxOzz9Wk/s1600/zoo-berlin_knut_1280x1024.jpg
Insensitive to the future victims of the Maya-ocalyopse, Chevy Silverado
I like how they threw in the destroyed Big Boy statue just to let us know Dr. Evil didn’t make it
So GoDaddy’s target market is 14-yr-old boys??
Ugh, damn you puppy bowl! I need to finish two essays for tomorrow, but you’re so adorable and now that I think about it I have beer in the fridge and wouldn’t it just be easier to drop out of school 2 months to graduation and drink beer and watch puppies? If the Mayans are right I’ll be so pissed that I didn’t spend today with beer and puppies.
As a St. Louisan, I’m legally required to cry a tear each time I see a Clydesdale and shake my fist, saying “IN-BEV”, FYI
Smiling as your sister swims in your urine= free taxes? I’d love to see the meeting where Don Draper sold that one
“Hitler didn’t work out as a spokesperson, let’s try Darth Vader” – Volkswagen
“The father’s daughter”
FALSE STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAART!!!!! WOOOO!!!!
“Could Hernandez HAVE any more tattoos?” — Bandler Ching
Hold on to your butts.
Bring back Up With People!
They should have gotten Muse.
Wait a second, I’ve seen Madonna’s outfit before.
Are you supposed to be Roman, Egyptian, or Persian, Madonna? This cultural mishmash does not respect those ancient cultures.
Good god this is bad.
Please, halftime programmers just hire Prince every year. Nobody will complain.
I was actually at the Prince Super Bowl (great story of how i got tix, i will tell sometime). It was the greatest performance/concert i’ve ever witnessed. 60,000 screaming football fans doing the HOO HOO HOO HOO part in purple rain = a double-rainbow like experience.
Aside from it looking like it was filmed underwater, this performance was CRAP. CRAP CRAP CRAP. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Prince will be able to play guitar long into his 90s, and it will still sound more youthful than this garbage.
This was the worst thing I’ve ever seen and I once saw a squirrel get hit by a car.
Agreed, this is the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life and I’m 40.
If I rebreak my ankle, can we wipe this halftime show from our collective memory?
“Oh good I hope that’s Cee Lo” – nobody
Is Madonna gonna kiss MIA and Minaj like she did Britney and Christina? No? Racist.
M.I.A. is so subversive when she dresses as a cheerleader and acts like a Glee cast member, you guys.
WORLD PEACE! amazing. As if there was anything else left to say after that.
How was that different than watching my old grade 12 English teacher rap about geography?
I guess it wasn’t rap? But then her creepy uncle and his son showed up and they rapped.
Was it rap? Or was it rap-rap?
True story: I dated a rapper once upon a time who made a shirt that said “I’d rather be rapping” and wore it all around town running errands before coming to pick me up. He came in complaining about all of these bitches who were giving him dirty looks all day because he’s a rapper, and then I pointed out to him that “rapping” is spelt with two p’s. Yipes. I wish I’d never told him. He would still be wearing that shirt today. I just didn’t want to be seen in public with such an enthusiastic rapist.
The upshot is that it’s 10 years later and I still get the giggles thinking about him grocery shopping and paying bills and visiting the post office in that shirt.
That is the best story in the history of the world.
I had an offensive t-shirt party 5 years ago and 6 people showed up in “I’d rather be raping” shirts. Sometimes I wish we were still in touch so I could call him up every now and then and remind him of it.
Marching band tributes is how Madonna’s gonna reconnect with today’s kids.
World peace!
“I’m batman” – Clint Eastwood
I’m pretty sure he just told us to blow up the rest of the world, but I might have misunderstood.
World peace. That was better than Stones, The Who, and Springsteen.
Oh no, I cannot agree.
Was it my imagination, or did M.I.A. slip in a quick flip of the bird? I hope.
yup.
I think Rob Corddry said it best: Madonna is great when she’s holding on to something or when someone else is on a tightrope.
Never thought I’d say these words: Best part was the gingerfro on a tightrope. Shall we up the ante? Toga. YUP!
It was so difficult to explain to my parents and relatives who all the people who weren’t Madonna were. Thanks, Madonna. And fuck you. Cause I hate that I know who they are.
I’m just recalling that part with LMFAO. That was bad, huh? I hate them mostly because there’s no way to insult them. Anything you say, they’ll just be like, “Yeah, that’s what we do. On purpose.”
“‘Smash’ is Not”– my prediction for a USAToday headline in the Life section this Tuesday.
I’m just tuning in. Did I miss Ferris Bueller singing Danke Schoen at the half?? That was a thing, right???
Oh, thank goodness! FINALLY, another Bud commercial. I was getting worried that they were gonna cap it off at 15 for the night…
HOLY CRAP!
Eli is so damn clutch.
Stop trying to make clutch happen. #booooom
Do the Giants pad their pants to look like they have bigger butts?
He said he was an elite quarterback at the beginning of the year and people laughed.
I’m so glad I arbitrarily picked the Giants to root for.
Bill Belichick: 3 parts Vince Lombardi, 2 Parts Marv Levy
Looks like fun. So, when does this game start?
Alright! Way to go! Aaaaaaaaaand I’ve already pushed this game out of my memory…. Why do I have this urge to drink a Bud Light in the back of a Chevy Sonic while watching a Disney knock-off of Avatar???
Who wants to have a GIF after party??? I’m in my pjs, but too jazzed up on beer and puppies to go to bed. Also, I don’t know how to “GIF”.
WHAT IS HE SAYING???
I’m moving to Paris?
I’m with myself?
I’m whipping carrots?
I like “I’m whipping carrots”. Plus, it makes perfect sense that he’d be saying that!
“I’m wearing PAJAMAS!”
Someone needs to get that poor old lady a ski machine.
Are there a bunch of white, middle-aged Giants fans doing this move right now? ‘Cuz that would be kind of cool actually.
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