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It’s here! The annual “Hollywood” issue of Vanity Fair! Each year, Vanity Fair publishes 4 issues with Johnny Depp on the cover, 6 issues with John F. Kennedy Jr. on the cover, one Royal Family issue, and of course the Hollywood issue. (What a great magazine! I think my favorite thing about it are the cover articles about Cher.) This year’s Hollywood cover features the following actresses: Jennifer Lawrence, Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain, Rooney Mara, Elizabeth Olsen, Lily Collins, Shailene Woodley, Paula Patton, Felicity Jones, Brit Marling, Adepero Oduye. I will give you one guess on whether the actresses of color appear on the outside of the magazine or folded up on the inside of the magazine. (Hint: “the 1997 hit film, Amistad.”) (Vanity Fair could try to argue that the cover alignment simply represents a star’s actual box office draw, except that I’m pretty sure more people saw Paula Patton’s Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol than all of the movies featuring the front cover actresses combined. Ding dong! I rest my case!) This is always a very fun caption contest because there are so many choices! Will you make a The Hunger Games joke about Jennifer Lawrence? Will you make a Rooney Mara joke about what is up with Rooney Mara? Will you make a who is Mia Wasikowska joke? It’s up to you. YOU are the Hollywood big-shot now! (No, you aren’t.)
Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, also known as “A Civilian Oscar.” (Click the image to enlarge.)
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Somehow, Gabe takes the cover of “Hollywood” issue of Vanity Fair and makes it about racism. He has a point, but Jesus Fucking Christ.
Oh.
Must be nice to be so privileged.
I put on my diamond pants just like everybody else. Very carefully.
What a great bunch of Muses.
YOU SHOULD SHUT UP BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT MUSE AND THINK BEFORE YOU SAY SHIT ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE MUSE IS A LEGENDARY BAND WITH MILLIONS OF FANS AND YOU JUST WRITE STUPID SHIT.
Their light shots leave people appalled.
What a weird looking kitchen.
Where Isn’t Jessica Chastain? That Denny’s in Topeka? No she’s probably there too.
take THAT Dr. Pepper 10!
I’ve never heard of any of these actresses
I am glad that Mia Wasikowska is finally out of treatment.
this guy gets it.
Vanity? Yes. Fair? Never.
Ladies can’t act. Everyone knows that. What’s next? Comedy? Go back to the kitchen at the Daily Show.
I didn’t want to make this joke. But I’m glad somebody did.
Introducing the Fresh Young Stars of 2012 or if you prefer the The Tabloid Hit List of 2013.
Phil Collins’ Daughter and The Olsen Twins’ Sister together at last
That’s the sound of http://yoisthisracist.com/ crashing.
Sooo hungry.
When asked if he felt snubbed by Vanity Fair over not being featured on their Hollywood cover, Gosling simply said “Yes”, then broke down into sobs and ran out of the room. His whereabouts are still unknown.
Rooney Mara and Mia Wasikowska are the only women I know in this picture.
Um, Michael Fassbender is in that issue. BRB. [sound of my tires squealing]
Could have used the gatefold cover for him. (You know what I mean, Clooney. Right?)
Quick question: WHERE CAN I GET THE FEBRUARY UK GQ???
Sent from my iPhone
Followup: Is anyone here a lawyer that can help me with a restraining order?
Sent from iJail.
In iJail, if someone says “you dropped your phone” don’t bend down.
Well ,not if you have Gojo.
Part of Fassbender’s genius lies in his pants
sigh yes sigh oh yes
so are they implying that fassy’s a snake?
Young Hollywood poses for a future trivia question.
They’ll put all those women on the cover, but not one shot of the bear who can detect them from their syncing menstrual cycles. That’s rascist.
So which one is Gossip Girl then?
No they’re Pretty Little Liars
Which one is the Mother?
so i guess my mom wasn’t lying when she said she couldn’t find enough satin to finish making my cape in time for my TV appearance
Wednesday Addams: The Sorority Years
What a weird-looking kitchen. Oh, what’s that? I’m in the wrong kitchen? Mine is around the corner? Okay, thank you, I do apologize.
“What a glamorous looking kitchen.” — Chareth Cutestory
At least “The Artist” was in white AND black.
This is Entry #1 in my ‘I Wish I’d Said It’ Archive. You won that even if you (somehow) don’t win the caption contest. (RECOUNT.)
You have killed me with that entry.
Young Hollywood, once again dressed as Old Hollywood.
When they put Michael Fassbender inside.
cc: George Clooney
Lots of things get hot when you put Michael Fassbender inside, right?? Ugh. UGH. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!
Nothing to be sorry about. High-five!
i can’t wait until they reunite for a Honda CR-V commercial in 26 years.
what was your favorite part of the comment?
a) “reunite”
b) the lack of an exclamation point
c) the number 26
d) commercial
or
e)
e) how you didn’t use the more obvious RAV-4 as your crossover SUV
Whoops just read the Bueller post A DAY TOO LATE and now I am just covered from head to toe in scrambled eggs
I liked the way the comment assumed nothing.
Vanity Fair doesn’t have to carry a picture of an African American person in their wallet this year.
I feel like how the mise en scène of the cover effectively communicates the message. White flowers! White furniture! White backdrop! White lettering! White makeup! Say what you will about Vanity Fair (racist), but they know their audience (racists).
Would be better if they were all, like, almost making out.
I don’t really see what the whole “racism” issue is – clearly, the editors know that bent elbows and arched backs aren’t nearly as appealing to the eye as ramrod straightness (no hetero).
The cast of Bridesmaids is represented by the ugly dresses.
Not even one Kardashian? It’s like they don’t even know what the public wants!
“not as beautiful as America, my friend.” – Mitt Romney talking about this article, or a bank in the cayman islands
“not as beautiful as America, my friend.” – Mitt Romney talking about this article, or a bank in the cayman islands
Thank you for explaining again.
I mean, thank you for trying explain.
I mean, thank guy for again explainering.
I’m going back to sleep.
Is Rumer Willis on this cover? If not, why not?
And now, as I am wont to do, I am going to blanket upvote all the comments in this thread. Here I go!
i think she had to rush out in an emergency.
so, how many of these ladies breasts have i seen……
Dear Vanity Fair,
Thanks so much for putting a picture of all those new, young Hollywood Starlets on the cover of your magazine! I like them, so you can imagine I was sure pleased to see a picture of them on the front of your book. It is nice for you to put pictures of things I like on your magazine front part.
For future reference here’s some other things I like: I like tomatoes, umbrellas (all kinds), some dogs, most cats. There’s a cat in my neighborhood named ‘Speedy’ I’m awful fond of. Maybe you could put a picture of him on your magazine! I don’t know if you would send a “photo-grapher” to *take* a picture of him, or a “sketch artist” to *draw* a picture of him, but you’d better be quick because they don’t call him ‘Speedy’ for nothing!
lol
Oh well, all the blood’s leaving my head now, so I’d better sign off.
Love,
The Emptiest Person Alive
I upvoted you one, but I upvoted Paul F. Tompkins a million.
As well you should!
Shailene Woodley: Why am I the only one who has to pose like I have debilitating lower back pain?
Brit Marling: I have a premonition “FREE WILLY: The penis in cinema” is going to be plastered next to my head and I’m so mad right now!
65 comments in, and no one has photoshopped Michael Cera in there yet?
A rare miss, Monsters.
I would do ti my work computer doesn’t have Ps.
I WOULD DO IT BUT MY WORK COMPUTER DOESN’T HAVE PHOTOSHOP. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO KNOW PHOTOSHOP AND THEIR PROGRAMS, INCLUDING THE PAPARAZZI SO PLEASE BEFORE YOU PHOTOSHOP A PHOTO ONLINE GO FUCK YOURSELF
Which one is James Franco?
Btw, I thought Adepero Oduye was great in that one episode of Louie, where he hits on her at the grocery store then rides with her to Harlem all in an attempt to ‘get to know’ (re: hopefully, really, when all is said and done, sleep with) her.
DOWNVOTES?! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU, Louis Simon!
Seriously tho, I am not sure why this comment is getting downvotes. Adepero Oduye WAS great on Louie. She did a great job. Louis CK worked well with her, he came off very pathetic and completely below her. Her character had him sized up from the very start. It was a great performance.
“Who would want to ‘R’ them?” — Megan Fox
“Her? Her? Her? Her? … Her? Her? Her? … Her? Her? Her? Her?” — Michael Bluth
Where’s Lana Del Ray?
More like the HollyWOOD Issue.
Cause pretty girls give me wood … ya know, a boner. Lucky for me, so do downvotes.
spotted: Sophie’s choice joke. I leve it to you to make the meta-jokes about their weird sophie’s choice joke.
I JUST NOTICED THAT TOO! Then I did a text search to see if anyone else spotted and commented about it, and it led me HERE! TO YOU! That’s fucked up, right?! I guess it’s a bullet dodged that at least Cary Grant and Carlo Ponti aren’t Jewish? Still. What a terrible thing that magazine headline is!
Hollywood – where everybody looks the same
(Mostly) whites in nice satin.
It is a reference to a Moody Blues…ah fuck it.
Rooney, you can break character now. No really. ENOUGH.
Since I don’t see race, I have no idea where the actresses of color are in this picture. All I see is women I have never seen in any movie or tv show.
My guess is this Rooney Mara person is probably of color, her name sure does sound like a running back from Alabama.