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Fox’s talent show X Factor is something that I legitimately know almost nothing about. If you can believe it. You probably don’t know anything about it either? I think it’s the same thing as America’s Got Talent, and I would definitely guess that if I were on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire and were out of lifelines, but I would be nervous. So anyway, news broke today (I got an “Important News” google alert about it) that three out of the five X Factor personalities WILL NOT be returning with the show next season! Nooooooooooo! That’s almost all of them! From Deadline:
Not only are host Steve Jones and judge Nicole Scherzinger exiting from the Fox show, but now a Simon Cowell insider just told me that his longtime friend and American Idol colleague Paula Abdul won’t be returning as an X Factor judge next season.
Simon Cowell insider? Simon Cowell hardly know ‘er!!! Hahahahah. Anway, NOOOOO, take Nicole Scherzinger if you want, BUT SURELY YOU MUST LEAVE PAULA ABDUL! Our nation’s beautiful princess! Devastating. This news is actually kind of interesting to me — not “interesting” in a way that makes your brain grow, but “interesting” in a way that makes your brain shrink? — because that seems like a crazy thing, to get rid of almost all of the people on whole dumb show! Right? WHAT WILL THEY BE REPLACED WITH? Who would they have to replace them with to get you to watch this show? These are my choices:
- Host: Kurt Cobain
- Female Judge 1: Miss J from America’s Next Top Model
- Female Judge 2: Carrie Brownstein
or maybe
- Host: Different dogs every week
- Female Judge 1: Courtney Stodden
- Female Judge 2: More Sand
NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL X FACTOR! Good luck with your TV show, Simon Cowell!
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Send the old American X-Factor judges over to England and send all the English X-Factor judges over to America, Wife Swap style. Then cancel both shows.
I think half the english x-factor judges are already american though?Or was that a different show?
Looks like those three are going to be X judges now.
What’s Brian Dunkleman up to these days? Is he available?
Who wrote this some sort of idiot? DOGS CANT BE HOSTS BECAUSE THEY’RE DOGS AND MORE SAND GIRL IS A LITTLE GIRL LOL YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE EYES OR FINGERS TO TYPE THIS NONSENSE
Host: Jamie Madrox
Female Judge 1: Rahne Sinclair
Female Judge 2: Lorna Dane
#comicbookjokes
OMIGOD!
This has ‘Mr. Sinister’ written ALL OVER it!
Host: Jamie Madrox
Judge 1: Jamie Madrox
Judge 2: Jamie Madrox
Contestant 1: Jamie Madrox
Contestant 2: Jamie Madrox
Contestant 3- 50: You get the idea
Actually, Jamie Madrox can only make 40 copies of himself at a time. Your nerd license is REVOKED! Get out of here, jock!
Everything I know is a lie.
Just kidding, jawn! Your license is not revoked. We all make mistakes! But that let that be a lesson to you. *hugs*
Also, that let that be a lesson to me.
*slaps forehead*
I just look at the pictures.
Host: Scott Summers
Female Judge #1: Jean Grey
Female Judge #2 Tabitha Smith
#commentsforkajusx&chainsaws
A self-inflicted Donna Darko?!
When asked if she felt snubbed by the exit, Paula Abdul said, simply, “Ah ba-papa-pah-papapapa.”
I’m sad Kelly didn’t list Vincent Gallo. Because I would actually watch that show!
“You call that singing? Have you heard my album When? I am so much better at singing than you! Fuck off!” -Vincent Gallo, X-Factor Judge
Oh shoot. That’s a great call.
explainer guy tries again, I’ve been enjoying your ongoing impression of a memebot today, if that’s a thing.
It’s rather ambitious and epic, and yuu’re continually getting all sorts of upvotes on all blog posts for your efforts. One question though-
Uh, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
Oh wait, hold on now. You’ve been making regular comments too! NEVERMIND! These guys have been sticking out to me, and I guess I just assumed you were posting them exclusively.
My bad!
YOU GUYS HOW DO YOU DELETE COMMENTS?
Put on your CAPS LOCK and then write a rant about Muse, that should delete all recent comments you’re preemptively welcome.
Well I really feel dumb for my oversight concerning explainer guy’s use of the cute dog meme, so… here goes:
I THINK MUSE HAS THEIR PLACE IN THE MUSICAL WORLD AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINION. FOR ONE THING THE STYLE OF MUSIC THEY DO IS FUN FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC THAT FAINTLY SOUNDS LIKE OLD RADIOHEAD BUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SPECTRUM THAN WHAT COLDPLAY DOES, AND THEIR SONGS ARE FUN TO PLAY ON ROCK BAND AND GUITAR HERO BECAUSE I AM VERY GOOD AT UP AND DOWN STRUMMING. SO PLEASE BEFORE YOU WRITE AN ARTICLE ONLINE ABOUT MUSE THE BAND AND NOT THE MYTHOLOGICAL GREEK SOURCES OF INSPIRATION, GO FUCK YOURSELF?
What the HELL, djfreshie?! Are you friggin’ kidding me?!
i’m gunna go ahead and say thank you KX& C…
long answer: i grabbed it this morning for the Mitt Romney singing, which i truly had no opinion about one way or the other….and it has just continued to be applicable all day long.
i don’t know if it’s me, or just the subjects in the posts today, i just don’t seem to have an opinion one way or the other to it…although, where i would normally just not post in entries such as the Gossip Girl one, i felt like running with it since it kind of turned into a thing.
and then posts such as this one, someone [ i forgot who and am too lazy to go back and verify] put it so perfectly yesterday that America is all Cameron’s dad now, i think captures it. and lately i’ve grown weary of the “everything’s terrible” viewpoint [maybe b/c things have been going pretty great for me lately, i'm not my bitter, annoyed self? i dont know...] but i suppose this is just my silly way of commenting-by-not-commenting b/c i don’t have it in me to come up with anything entertaining to say?
short answer: sure is a cute puppy, and i really have no opinion!
Cobain hasn’t done anything in years.
Lana Del Rey seems like a perfect choice. Did you guys hear that she thought she “looked beautiful and sang fine” on SNL? Bonus: Brian Williams X Factor recaps. Ka-boom.
Louis Simon should be a judge without a doubt. He loves being appalled by great musical acts!
I guess it depends on what kind of dogs they get.
Famous celebrity dogs? Award winning dogs? CGI dogs?
so want this to be real:
Host: Gabe
Female Judge 1: Kelly
Female Judge 2: Birdie
You can just e-mail me my Editor’s Choice; it’s fine.