In 2008, Hasbro and Universal made a deal with each other saying that Universal could turn pretty much every game Hasbro has into a movie that no one would ever want to see. It was very smart deal and deal-makers all over the world praised them for how smart of a deal it was, jk. But for some reason (jk again) (very obvious reason) it hasn’t been going great so far! First Universal dropped their Ouija Board Movie idea, and NOW LOOK! AT WHAT THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER IS SAYING:
Stretch Armstrong has found a new home at Relativity. The movie project, based on the classic Hasbro toy, had been set up at Universal with Taylor Lautner to star but has now found itself at Relativity.
Lautner is no longer involved, and neither are director Rob Letterman or Imagine Entertainment as producers. But without those elements, Relativity is moving full steam ahead, setting an April 11, 2014, release date for what it is calling a live-action tentpole.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! No more Taylor Lautner as Stretch Armstrong?! But he was perfect! Who’s going to play Stretch Armstrong now, in this movie that we were all looking so forward to and will definitely see when it comes out, straight to the big screen for sure? Joe Jonas? ZAC EFRON? Gross, barf, no thank you. Clearly this recasting is a job for US. HERE. With PICTURES!
Should it be…
A BUNCH OF ROCKS?
OR THE ROCK?
OR ELIZABETH OLSEN?
OR JUST AN EMPTY OUTFIT?
OR WILL SMITH’S SON, JADEN SMITH?
OR A PAIR OF NIKES?
OR JUST AN ANIMATED STRETCH ARMSTRONG DOLL?
OR RYAN GOSLING?
OR SOME CLAY?
OR A STRONG WOMAN, FOR A CHANGE?
OR WHOEVER TIM TEBOW IS?
Lots of good options here! Unfortunately, though, I don’t think any of them even come CLOSE to the perfect casting of Taylor Lautner. I think we may have to shut the whole thing down. As they say, if you can’t do the Stretch Armstrong movie right, YOU DON’T DO IT AT ALL! Hollywood Rule #1. Thank you for understanding. Unless you can think of someone better? L.O.L. Yeah right. Good luck!*