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In 2008, Hasbro and Universal made a deal with each other saying that Universal could turn pretty much every game Hasbro has into a movie that no one would ever want to see. It was very smart deal and deal-makers all over the world praised them for how smart of a deal it was, jk. But for some reason (jk again) (very obvious reason) it hasn’t been going great so far! First Universal dropped their Ouija Board Movie idea, and NOW LOOK! AT WHAT THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER IS SAYING:
Stretch Armstrong has found a new home at Relativity. The movie project, based on the classic Hasbro toy, had been set up at Universal with Taylor Lautner to star but has now found itself at Relativity.
Lautner is no longer involved, and neither are director Rob Letterman or Imagine Entertainment as producers. But without those elements, Relativity is moving full steam ahead, setting an April 11, 2014, release date for what it is calling a live-action tentpole.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! No more Taylor Lautner as Stretch Armstrong?! But he was perfect! Who’s going to play Stretch Armstrong now, in this movie that we were all looking so forward to and will definitely see when it comes out, straight to the big screen for sure? Joe Jonas? ZAC EFRON? Gross, barf, no thank you. Clearly this recasting is a job for US. HERE. With PICTURES!
Should it be…
A BUNCH OF ROCKS?
OR THE ROCK?
OR ELIZABETH OLSEN?
OR JUST AN EMPTY OUTFIT?
OR WILL SMITH’S SON, JADEN SMITH?
OR TURTLE?
OR A PAIR OF NIKES?
OR JUST AN ANIMATED STRETCH ARMSTRONG DOLL?
OR RYAN GOSLING?
OR SOME CLAY?
OR A STRONG WOMAN, FOR A CHANGE?
OR WHOEVER TIM TEBOW IS?
Lots of good options here! Unfortunately, though, I don’t think any of them even come CLOSE to the perfect casting of Taylor Lautner. I think we may have to shut the whole thing down. As they say, if you can’t do the Stretch Armstrong movie right, YOU DON’T DO IT AT ALL! Hollywood Rule #1. Thank you for understanding. Unless you can think of someone better? L.O.L. Yeah right. Good luck!*
*L.O.L. Yeah right. Good luck! is another movie I want to cast Taylor Lautner in if anyone wants to get that info to his agent, thanks.
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nicolas cage’s neglected hair. it has clearly proven flexible over the years.
Peter Dinklage
Now there’s a “stretch”!
Glenn Close as Albert Nobbs as Stretch Armstrong
#birdie4stretcharmsdog
I hate myself for knowing this, but Stretch Armstrong DID have a dog named Fetch Armstrong. So there’s a part for Birdie in there SOMEWHERE.
I nominate Mark “Jacko” Jackson for the role he was born to play.
Oi!
I’ve read a draft of the screenplay and at the end he dies because someone pokes him too hard with a pencil.
The same thing happens in my screenplay for “The Waterbed”
Water Bed, the Bed That Waters People
Are we calling boners “pencils” now?
Some of them are…
Donald Glover
Lets see Andy Serkis earn himself that Oscar.
Shawn Bradley:
Wow is that a real person?
no. just an an albino praying mantis in a Nets uniform.
*shields eyes*
I was going to say a pair of Nike’s but Kelly already said it.
Will Ferrell?
Forget Stretch Armstrong. When is Hasbro going to green light “Easy Bake Oven: The Movie”? These are the important questions!!
I think Hasbro has to ‘oven light’ that movie. To see, you know, if it is done baking. Because… it has been in there awhile? I think? I am quickly losing hope in this comment, a comment which had zero potential before I even started writing. No, what am I doing? Don’t click “Submit Comment!” You can just as easily start ov–
I think I might have a solution for you.
Starring Jim Carrey as “brownies”!
Ahem.
Ok. Stretch Armstrong’s powers = Mr. Fantastic’s powers = The Elongated Man’s powers = Elastigirl’s powers. That being said, who should play Stretch? Hmmmm… OH! Zach Galifianakis, except he keeps the beard, and he can only change into a superball.
Stephen Colbert already has essentially the same character on his resume
GAH! I forgot to include parodic version of Mr. Fantastic, such as the aforementioned Professor Richard Impossible and his evil alter-ego Professor Incorrigible.
It’s worth mentioning that Stephen Colbert only voiced Professor Impossible in seasons 1 & 2. He is now officially voiced by Bill Hader.
I don’t think there should be a Stretch Armstrong movie.
The real question is whether Universal can convince Stretch Arm Strong to reunite to do the soundtrack.
I think some actor with a verb for a first name would be perfect for the role. Is Rip Torn too old? Oh, he’s 80 years old? Well, how about Ralph Fiennes? i’m sure all that stretching causes nausea.
Bill Pullman is Stretch Armstrong.
Josh Hartnett. Kidding!
Rob Lowe would be a total scene-stealer if they cast him.
“My first name isn’t a verb… oh. Ohhhh. You think you pronounce the ‘L!’
You Americans are ADORABLE.”
Fletch Armstrong*
* This comment isn’t any good. I blame the Bloody Mary and the steak sandwich and the steak sandwich I had for lunch.
Honesty. Stretch Armstrong’s greatest trait. I think we have a winner, folks.
Retch Armstrong
YOU GUYS HOW DO DELETE COMMENTS?
Yikes, this would probably be grosser in reverse. Hmmm…
Ugh. I was right.
Gross! It looks like he’s winning a barf slurping contest.*
*I’m in my mid-30′s.
***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***
Please include the above in the weekly gif round up. Thanks.
***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***KELLY***
Will not do.
Splendid. Absolutely genius.
Who eats that much beef stew before a fight?
I’m just happy this isn’t an animated GIF of him throwing up.
Does the movie end with every boy in my third grade class teaming up to pull on his limbs until he rips open and they can play with his gooey innards? Speaking of which, what ever happened to the Coen Brothers’ live action Gak movie?
maybe Frank Stallone?