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Thanks, Purity Bear! As the official Day of Purity website reminds us, the Day of Purity is either Valentine’s Day OR the previous weekday, whatever that even MEANS. This year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Tuesday, so I think that means that the Day of Purity is on a Tuesday, or maybe it is on a Monday? Just to be safe, nobody ever have sex ever again. And if you are going to have sex, stay safe, wear a bible. P.S. Your boyfriend totally WOULD say “now this feels right” as he is about to marry you in a dark church completely devoid of people. (Thanks for the tip, Colin.)
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I vow that on the 2012 Day of Purity I will eschew blended scotches in favor of single malts.
Same with all beers that violate the Bavarian Purity Law. Woe betide you if you put fruit in my beer.
Ahh, good to hear Lorenzo Music, original voice of Garfield is still finding work.
Aw, too soon.
I didn’t even know he was Lagngoneza.
I’m sure if he had lived to see the Garfield movies made, he would’ve been pissed that Bill Murray got the job.
I remember the time I first realized that Music and Murray have basically frog-hopped each other for two roles (Peter Venkman and Garfield), with Murray always on the big screen and Music on the tv.
Oh man I totally forgot about that. Did you also know that Dave Coulier was a Venkman sub?
I did not know that.
So the bear wants the kid to fuck it?
he’ll be getting the dog’s sloppy seconds
“I can’t decide which symbol represents ‘purity’ more, the one where the Mars symbol is facehumping the Venus symbol, or the three intertwined labia… Let’s just go with both.”
i did not think talking toys could be any creepier, but purity bear’s sense of over morality and tendency to sneak up behind people totally proved me wrong
Choosing not to have sex when you COULD is pretty fucked up. That’s like getting a handicapped parking permit just because you don’t feel like walking.
Yeah, I always figured the “right one” was the first one who agreed to let me.
I thought I was special!
If only there was a bear to teach us how marriage is a decision that could define the rest of our lives.
Oh well! Let’s get married so we can go bang!
Just the right bear:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlrZsXuRbdU
Damn you Facebook Connect.
Purity Bear’s arch nemesis?
Only because Purity Bear keeps sticking his winkie in Sexual Harassment Panda’s ear.
Where does ManBearPig fit in with all this? Asking for a friend.
Actually, I think its this guy:
Wait, but Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?
This is what happens when you lend Kirk Cameron your copy of Donnie Darko.
amazing
by purity bear’s own cuddle logic, that guy could just as easily married the bear and been in the right, correct?
Any dude listening to a stuffed bear isn’t really holding onto his purity by choice, you know what I’m saying…
If a teenager is swayed by a PSA with a talking teddy bear, it’s pretty safe to assume they were going to remain pure for a while anyways
I’ve heard that the Day of Purity people have been campaigning to get Darren Aronofsky to direct next year’s PSA.
my Purity Bear PSA just reminds teens to wash their genitals
This is the grossest installment of the Left Behind series.
I bet the follow up “If you touch it, you’ll go blind” video was awkward.
Thanksgiving must be awkward.
Oh, DAMN IT SMOKEY!
“Hahaha, nope.” –
I think we’re one pedo bear away from a Herman Caining. Scary thought.
real men smile slowly
Donna Darko?
What makes me happy is that she will probably have a baby at 19 and what the world really needs is another Christian American raised by self-righteous children to further overextend our resources and all so they could bone in the loving eyes of God.
Fuck you people. (not my Videogum friends, of course, just idiotic Christian breeders that listen to a stuffed bear. And, seriously, why do those fucks always drive SUVs? Shit like this makes me wish the Rapture did happen.
That came off crankier than usual. I just really dislike Christian breeders in SUVs.
I know how you feel. I know someone who bred like a rabbit because she claimed that’s how God likes it, but she didn’t and still doesn’t feel responsible in taking care of them. She’s on welfare, had 2 daughters with teen pregnancies, children taken away by ACS, and she acts like it’s the world’s problem now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A
To quote Dorothy Zbornak, “Condoms, Rose! Condoms, condoms condoms!”
Even the doors in Purity Day commercials are opposed to Purity Day!
Just wait until she gets Cancer or MS! He is so out the door like Newtie bear!
Did anyone else notice that the girl’s front door had a sign on it that said “Please use front entrance”? Like they filmed it at the emergency exit at their church instead of just finding a real front door? It’s details like that that really break the internal reality of the video and pulls the viewer out of the story. But more importantly, THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID (on their wedding night)!!!!!!
If stats about things like purity pledges and the like are any indication, the alternative to going to the church for a quicky wedding is “Please use anything but the front entrance”.
“Hey – don’t do it. This decision could define the rest of your life.. Instead, enter a legally (and I guess in your eyes eternally) binding contract with this chick, THEN do it.”
Is Purity Bear meant to be terrifying? Because he is.
True story. When I was 15 or 16 and not yet boning (though ardently aspiring to bone at every turn) I spent a weekend at a religious retreat, and I very clearly remember the “youth leader” who was 19 or 20 and told us this, in a tone of solemn remorse: “When I was your age, every weekend I went to wild parties and had sex with a different girl, a beautiful girl, so many I couldn’t keep track, blondes, brunettes, whatever — and I thought I was having the time of my life. But then, one morning, I sat at the edge of the bed and looked back at last night’s girl, who was still asleep, and I realized I was alone. I realized sex with all these girls was empty, and not fun at all, and I had to stop.” So then he asked THE LORD to enter his heart or some shit, who the hell knows, to this day I still want to strangle the living piss out of that dude.
Betcha the last girl was a dude.
http://youtu.be/88baDfEP_Io
Going to be such a let down.