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Yesterday, the world exploded and will never be the same after Mark “Contraband” Wahlberg gave a quote to Men’s Fitness about how he would have STOPPED 9/11. It was a real watershed moment for all of us. When there was only one set of bloody footprints in first class, that was Mark Wahlberg, carrying the terrorist’s dead body. Of course, Mark Wahlberg has already “apologized” for his statements, because this is still NAZI GERMANY President Obama’s America after all. The apology, as you would expect, is boring. From the Hollywood Reporter:
“To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with, and to suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible,” he said in a statement. “I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.”
Haha. Well, yeah, Mark Wahlberg. To speculate about BEING ON ONE OF THE HIJACKED 9/11 AIRPLANES AND HOW YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED A HANDFUL OF TERRORISTS AND THEN CALMLY EXPLAINED TO YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU WERE GOING TO LAND THE PLANE SAFELY AND DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT THIS PLANE ANYMORE IS DEFINITELY A LITTLE RIDICULOUS. But why bother realizing that now? Go with it. Use the space. And we know your intention wasn’t to offend anyone. Your intention was to explain how you would have stopped 9/11. Which you did. Mission accomplished. Oh, sorry. That’s Tom Cruise’s thing. You’re more like, Italian Job accomplished. Riiiiight? #WAHLBURGERS
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he just produced this apology for HBO.
I do like one thing about him. He looks as stupid as he is. That’s rare.
It runs in the family.
Well of COURSE it’s ridiculous to speculate on such a thing. How would being on an airplane fighting terrorists have stopped the government from triggering the explosives that ACTUALLY caused the buildings to collapse?
Listen, Wahlberg just wants to be your superhero, even if he tumble falls.
“Speculating that Tim Burton was drawing in a club is ridiculous, and to suggest multiple times he would want to hang out with me in a club is irresponsible. I deeply apologize if it seemed Tim Burton and me were good friends who went clubbing a lot together. It was not my intention.”
Hardest I’ve laughed all morning. Thanks, djfreshie. I’m going to go read that quote again.
To be fair, it’s early yet. At least here in Mountain time. Not to take away from djfreshie’s post. Still upvoted!
He’s the hero 9/11 deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
Are you kidding me?! Now what the hell am I gonna do with all of these “Mark Wahlberg is basically Chuck Norris” zingers that I worked on all night???
I don’t think they’re that good to be honest, especially not:
“Mark Wahlberg once apologized SO profusely about a hypothetical situation wherein he punched terrorists and there would have been SO much blood in first class that even Chuck Norris felt as though this hypothetical situation was outlandish at best.”
no offense though, the one about Mark Wahlberg’s hypothetical fist behind his CGI beard was okay.
Ha, I liked that he apologized for only making the suggestion in the first place. He still thinks he could have stopped 9/11.
You can’t apologize for facts, Dr. Feelgood!
After seeing Contraband last night, if I had to choose one actor to be on a hijacked plane with me, Marky Mark would be my pick.
I’m pretty sure Mark Wahlberg just apologized for the greatness of America.
“I see nothing wrong with the statement I just made.” – Mark Wahlberg
Looks to me like we have a new GOP candidate. Watch out Romney!
He still hasn’t apologized for Good Vibrations or The Big Hit.
Also is it just me or is he not that attractive? Sure he’s got a cut body, but his face is sort of downsy. He’s a total butterface.
Guys, I’ve really been busy at work lately and barely have time to read, let alone comment. I know, I know, at least you HAVE a job, etc. Anyhow, that’s just a little preemptive coverage for myself and this comment, since OF COURSE it’s already been commented. Just in case it hasn’t though, I felt it was my duty to be bold and put it out there for the people: “PAH!”
I guess the Wahlbergers at ground zero is off the table now.
Ground Beef Patties at Ground Beef Zero: WAHLBURGERS!
I still believe that Mark Wahlberg would have stopped 9/11.
I believe he also made this statement: http://yaption.tumblr.com/post/16108749512/marky