Rosie O’Donnell appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight last night and spent a good amount of her time speaking out against anti-gay rhetoric being used in the GOP race. Which is great. I don’t know what else she would have talked about, and that is certainly a good thing to talk about when you find yourself on a TV show being interviewed for some reason, even though The Rosie O’Donnell Show was canceled ten years ago and I’m not even sure if they MAKE koosh balls anymore. (What are you doing now, Rosie O’Donnell?) (Just getting into Twitter fights with Donald Trump?) (ROSIE, HELLO?) But the conversion wound its way around to talking about celebrities who remain in the closet, and then to this logical place:
A lot of people have said to me oh you know so and so…are they gay? I personally don’t know a star who I have come to know and become intimately friendly in my life with who is living a false reality. I don’t, I really don’t. People say to me all the time “Tom Cruise is gay.” I’ve been around Tom Cruise a lot. Tom Cruise drives race cars. I do not think Tom Cruise is gay.
Which, ok, first of all. Celebrities, like anyone else, have a right to privacy. No duh. They don’t have to tell us if they’re gay if they don’t want to tell us if they’re gay. (Though, certainly arguments can be made that by hiding who they are they’re contributing to an anti-gay attitude that has lead to, among other things, teen suicide, and maybe they have a certain social responsibility to be honest about who they are, and so many other things that people other than me should be talking about because really I brought us to this place to talk about the race car thing.) HE’S NOT GAY BECAUSE HE DRIVES RACE CARS?!
Rosie went on to talk about when she met her fiancé at Starbucks, she didn’t know she was a lesbian because she “wore high-heeled Pradas,” which is a whole other thing. But. BECAUSE HE DRIVES RACE CARS? It’s funny, because it’s like — we all figured out Tom Cruise wasn’t gay in 2009, when reports of his youthful, spot-on homophobia (“You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?”) came to light. As if we even NEEDED the race car thing — something no gay man has ever attempted, I’m sure — as further evidence. But, since she did mention the race car thing, it’s weird that she didn’t follow it up with the other ways we all know Tom Cruise isn’t gay. Like:
- Owns suits
- Brown hair
- Ugly Sunday outfit
- Weird teeth
- Lied about wanting to do a Bollywood film
- Pretty short
- Doesn’t wear glasses
- Acts in some good movies
- Acts in some bad movies
- Creep vibe
- Never met him
- Has lots of money
- Lives in California (?)
You know, what celebrities want to do with their privates is their own business. But with so much evidence pointing in one direction it’s like, why even bother talking about it?